this post was submitted on 01 Dec 2024
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E: Da Rules

  • The teleportation can only be used to move you.

  • Your clothes and basic personal items (the things you take with you everytime you leave the house) will teleport with you, but nothing else.

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[–] [email protected] 152 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

The International Space Station. The sheer confusion value would be amazing, particularly if I stayed quiet about how it happened ("I went to bed, then woke up floating here. I've no clue how it happened").

I would get to cause a major incident of complete chaos, with little to no harm. I would get to experience space and weightlessness. I would also get a near guaranteed lift home (eventually). There's also almost no way it could be kept quiet, so I get to be a minor celebrity for a while.

[–] [email protected] 76 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

This has the possible downside of you being dissected for the benefit of science. One human life for the possibility of discovering the ability to teleport? The astronauts/cosmonauts on the ISS would know about you, but you'd never make the news.

[–] [email protected] 55 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (2 children)

Scientists are not good at keeping secrets, particularly not of this level. Also, the ISS is remarkably public. It would be obvious they were hiding something, at the very least.

Would I expect to spend some time "volunteering" in a research lab, more than likely. I doubt it would get to dissection level. The risk/cost would be low enough that I would take it.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 weeks ago

"Hey some guy just showed up here and no one knows about it."

"Cool, lets put him out the airlock and see if he freezes like in that movie"

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

with little to no harm

Not sure how resource allocation works and how quickly you could be sent back to earth but someone may have to be sacrificed.

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[–] [email protected] 120 points 3 weeks ago (5 children)
[–] [email protected] 26 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)
[–] [email protected] 33 points 3 weeks ago (5 children)

Telefrag Elon Musk, then. His exact position. Assuming this turns him into a fine red mist and we don't just have the real-world version of "clipping errors" whereby we are both annihilated or merged in some horrible way.

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[–] [email protected] 20 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Well that wasn’t there when I posted. Who’s coming up with these rules to save Phoney Stark?

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[–] [email protected] 63 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

Whatever the biggest televised event is in the next twenty four hours. I'm going to materialize naked live in air screaming "the end is nigh unless we repent" and then go into a list of ecological and social reforms.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Announce you're a time traveler sent back...

[–] [email protected] 22 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

"The rapture started and I was sent back here, God really wants us to stop using fossil fuels"

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[–] [email protected] 62 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Teleport myself into Putin to do the world a favour

[–] [email protected] 42 points 2 weeks ago (6 children)

Imagine being the one who has to explain that Putin died when another person burst forth from his body like an alien.

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[–] [email protected] 52 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

to an alternate universe where magic is real and big titty anime girls want to form a party with me.

[–] [email protected] 25 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

I chose this dude's spawnpoint

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 weeks ago

OP's mom? Classic choice

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[–] [email protected] 50 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Into the studio of some live tv programme, so it's caught on camera by a neutral party. Without teleportation to get back, there are no really cool or useful places I want to go to in the next 24 hours. So I might as well try to make some cash out of interviews and stuff.

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[–] [email protected] 46 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (6 children)

Right next to Vladimir Putin. Only wish I carried a gun or knife or something but we're about to find out if an obese middle aged man can strangle to death an elderly Russian. Actually, let's make it interesting, drop me maybe 10-15 ft above his head.

I know there are probably better things or at least less suicidal things i could do but it's a chance to give my life meaning and the best I could think of.

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[–] [email protected] 44 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

To a place where there are plenty of crumbs.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

What... what do you do with the crumbs?

[–] [email protected] 46 points 3 weeks ago

Probably grabs them, like the dirty little crumbgrabber he is.

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[–] [email protected] 38 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

I'd assume a cannonball shape and teleport myself into the body of any living murderous dictator (you can pick). I assume the sudden materialization of a 6' tall, 200 lb human inside another human's viscera would be a bit like swallowing a bomb. Even if it's more a case of chimeric horror, the result is the same so I'm OK with it.

[–] [email protected] 32 points 3 weeks ago

Dictator getting respawn fragged on live TV would be remembered for centuries

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[–] [email protected] 35 points 2 weeks ago
  1. Put on gorilla suit
  2. Teleport to the ISS for the second time
[–] [email protected] 34 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I'd teleport to a parallel universe that has become an utopia full of futuristic medical solutions.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

granted. but everybody speaks erbferb atinlerb

[–] [email protected] 51 points 3 weeks ago

So, Sweden?

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[–] [email protected] 26 points 3 weeks ago

If there's no return option then I probably wouldn't use it. Maybe just to get to the shops or something and then walk back.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

What's the nearest planet with an Earth-like atmosphere? Any particular star clusters that have a higher likelihood of harboring a civilization? If I can go anywhere, I'm taking a gamble and trying to find aliens. Even if I fail to find intelligent life, I'm already at a point where struggling to survive on an alien planet sounds better.

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[–] [email protected] 24 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

The US house of representatives, just to say "I bring a dire warning from the future"

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[–] [email protected] 23 points 3 weeks ago

My mom lives three large states away and has Alzheimer's but is still able to recognize people. She's well cared for, but I'm sole caregiver for my bedbound family member. I'm reconciled to the fact I cannot travel to visit her, but if I could go for just half an hour, even just one hug, I would.

Edit: Oh, one way only? Nvm.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Into the core of the Sun. With the pressure and temperature I guess it will kill me before I can notice. A quick, painless, and rather unique way to die.
Cause of death: "Crushed and burned by Sun's core"

What?

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 21 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Without a return trip, that's pretty useless.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 3 weeks ago

With one, this just becomes a normal "Where would you teleport to?" post 🤷

[–] [email protected] 20 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I should probably use it to telefrag one of the active, living war criminals or one of their influential lackeys, but it's kind of hard to choose.

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 3 weeks ago (10 children)

Go to work like normal, open the register, empty it (money is a person item) and vanish forever to rural Japan.
Make sure I teleport to where non one sees it.

Alternatively: teleport to new Zealand, yall know exactly why.

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

"Mars!"

Freezes and suffocates

[–] [email protected] 23 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

But then you'd get to be the first human on Mars. No one could ever take that from you.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Also the first person to die on Mars! :D

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I teleport to friends house, to show her, that world isn't like we used to think.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

One way or round trip? That makes a big difference...

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

Cuba, for medical and/or dental care I can't afford in the US

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

I'd go to the basement of the guy's mom from that other post about only storing 100GB and steal his 130PB SAN.

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 weeks ago

So the ISS would probably be the coolest place I could go to but first I'd open up a GPS app on my phone and also set the camera recording so that it could potentially gather interesting data about the teleportation.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I'd look up and memorize winning lottery numbers, then teleport back two weeks ago. (4-d space!) And then I'd just buy a lotto ticket and chill until my past self becomes my current self, but with lottery money.

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)
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