Ask Lemmy

I was a noodle ambassador, once upon a time.

I really want the job of "head receiver," like Jerry here.

I laughed out loud when I saw someone I know on LinkedIn convert from real estate agent to ‘prompt engineer’

Worked in printing before things were phased to computers and had to shoot/cut out negatives on a light table for the press plates. It was called “stripping”. So, I was a stripper once without taking off any clothes.

Pharmacists are drug dealers. At least I call them that. 😁

I was being recruited to design and develop a machine that sorted bull semen into male and female and I half jokingly said I’d consider it if i could have the title of Sr Semen Sorter and manager said ok. COVID stopped the project though

If I remember reading some old Mac magazine correctly, Guy Kawasaki's official job title at Apple was "Intergalactic Evangelist".

A good line from a video about a cancelled game jam documentary: "Matti was hired as a Pepsi Consultant, a job title less dignified than Human Trafficker"

I worked with a guy who was Happiness Officer and all my friends found it hilarious. He was pretty good at keeping the team happy though so I didn't give him too much shit about it.

Futurologist

I have a friend who works in GIS and had a title of "Maker of Maps"

"Thinker" is probably the most obnoxious one I've heard of, from the CTO of a tech company

Maybe this doesn't count but... I once had a manager who had "Master of All He Surveys" on his business card.

We didn't get a long too well.

Nobody gonna bring up "fluffer"?

Chief Trainee.

Context: The hierarchy at this job I once had (and still kind of have) went like this:
First, the four departments:
Technician, Navigator, Mechanic, Processor.

The structure: Trainee tech/nav/mech/proc -> tech/nav/mech/proc ->
Shift Leader tech/nav/mech/proc ->
Chief tech/nav/mech/proc ->
Party Chief

This one guy we hired was good at what he did, and he had years of experience from a different company. He was hired with the understanding that he'd take on the chief role after some time.

However, HR stupidity dictated that a certain duration with the company was required for various levels, so he had to start as a trainee. And pay was also linked to this, and he was supposed to be paid as a chief.

So I as a shift lead at that time had him working under me as Chief Trainee so he could learn our methods and systems before he got into the role as my Chief.

I was looking for a new job recently and found a listing for Part-time Manhole Cover Inspector. Was tempted to apply, but I was not qualified.

My younger brother had a summer job in high school as a worm farmer.

I saw a job at an abbatior for a "first boner". I knew what they meant and it was still funny.

I've taught Sex Ed in high school

I've been a topless waiter (I'm a dude, sorry)

And a stilt walker, and magician, and balloon twister

And I was paid to stilt walk in a library singing The One Pound Fish song as part of an art installation

Does that count?

A former colleague had the title "Project Professional".

As you can tell, he was good at doing projects, just not at doing anything in those projects.

I was once a flamer.

I'm a Eurovision fan (spoiler alert: the 2024 edition was dogshit). Hmm... I'm calling myself something else now.

A Eurovisionary.

The weirdest I've ever had was "Keyholder".

My ex briefly had the title of "Bioethicist".

One of the dispensaries near me has weed consultants called "Rangers."

Erection engineer.

Pornography Historian

In some industries, the safety officer in charge is usually called the "competent person".

My ancestor (born circa 1720) was a matchstick saleswoman. Her name was Gillette, same as the razor brand. I try to live up to her legacy

My aunt used to work as a "cheese stirrer"

Not me but a buddy of mine was a "Cheese Monger". I always found that one pretty funny.

Also when I was in high school, I was going through a book of prefessions in "Careers" class and I found "Chick Sexer". Heh... Heheh... Chick Sexer.

"Photographer nose itcher" is one that comes to mind.

It's not that the rationale doesn't make sense (imagine trying to concentrate a camera and suddenly being itchy and wishing you had someone scratch you so you don't have to unconcentrate your camera so you can free a hand in order to itch the itchy part), but imagine a second person following you around for that purpose in particular, like a photographer's equivalent to the Piss Boy.

In my first company an intern that updated our webpage from time to time was our Internet Content Manager.