this post was submitted on 11 Feb 2025
955 points (96.7% liked)

Programmer Humor

20676 readers
1308 users here now

Welcome to Programmer Humor!

This is a place where you can post jokes, memes, humor, etc. related to programming!

For sharing awful code theres also Programming Horror.

Rules

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 92 points 1 week ago (5 children)

Git default branch renamed back from main to master

[–] [email protected] 46 points 1 week ago (1 children)

and all the others start with "slave/"

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 week ago

Merge me senpai

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 week ago

(Someone else made it but I can't find the source)

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 81 points 1 week ago (1 children)

reverting main back to master

[–] [email protected] 35 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Yeah...this one is sadly on brand

[–] [email protected] 45 points 1 week ago (16 children)

Sadly? Master branch never implied the existence of a slave branch. It was one of the dumbest pieces of woke incursion into tech.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 week ago

It was kind of pointless, but at least it made software work with custom default branches.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 week ago (5 children)

Yes exactly. It’s a reference to the recording industry’s practice of calling the final version of an album the “master” which gets sent for duplication.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)

In alignment with this, we should not replace the master branch with the main branch, we should replace it with the gold branch.

Every time a PR gets approval and it’s time to merge, I could declare that the code has “gone gold” and I am not doing that right now!

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 week ago

Merged -> gone gold

Deployed -> gone platinum

Gone a week without crashing production -> triple platinum

load more comments (4 replies)
load more comments (14 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 71 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (3 children)
  • Push directly to master, not main
  • No command line args, just change the global const and recompile
  • No env vars either
  • Port numbers only go up to 5280, the number of feet in a mile
  • All auth is just a password; tokens are minority developers, not auth, and usernames are identity politics
  • No hashes – it's the gateway drug to fentanyl
  • No imports. INTERNAL DEVELOPERS FIRST
  • Exceptions are now illegal and therefore won't occur, so no need to check for them
  • SOAP/XML APIs only
  • No support for external machines. If it's good enough for my machine, it's good enough for yours.
[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 week ago

Exceptions are now illegal and therefore won't occur, so no need to check for them

Ah, I see you've met C++ developers.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago

No command line args, just change the global const and recompile

Nah, don't use global variables, magic values everywhere. And don't use const whatsoever, we need to move fast and break things, we can't let something immutable stop us

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 57 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Main branches will be renamed Master

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 week ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (11 children)

GTFOH with that. 1-indexed arrays?! You monster.

(Mostly joking... Ok, somewhat joking :P )

[–] [email protected] 40 points 1 week ago (4 children)
[–] [email protected] 50 points 1 week ago (6 children)

Lua had been banned from the chat

[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 week ago (3 children)

In Lua all arrays are just dictionaries with integer keys, a[0] will work just fine. It's just that all built-in functions will expect arrays that start with index 1.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 week ago

Your argument isn't making me any happier - it just fills me with more rage.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 week ago (1 children)

That's slightly misleading, I think. There are no arrays in Lua, every Lua data structure is a table (sometimes pretending to be something else) and you can have anything as a key as long as it's not nil. There's also no integers, Lua only has a single number type which is floating point. This is perfectly valid:

local tbl = {}
local f = function() error(":(") end

tbl[tbl] = tbl
tbl[f] = tbl
tbl["tbl"] = tbl

print(tbl)
-- table: 0x557a907f0f40
print(tbl[tbl], tbl[f], tbl["tbl"])
-- table: 0x557a907f0f40	table: 0x557a907f0f40	table: 0x557a907f0f40

for key,value in pairs(tbl) do
  print(key, "=", value)
end
-- tbl	=	table: 0x557a907f0f40
-- function: 0x557a907edff0	=	table: 0x557a907f0f40
-- table: 0x557a907f0f40	=	table: 0x557a907f0f40

print(type(1), type(-0.5), type(math.pi), type(math.maxinteger))
-- number	number	number	number
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 week ago

Fortran angrily starts typing...

load more comments (4 replies)
load more comments (3 replies)
load more comments (10 replies)
[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 week ago (4 children)

Error handling should only be with "if"

Variable names must be generic and similar to each-other

Debugging is only done with prints

Version numbers must be incoherent, hard to order correctly, contain letters and jump in ways that don't align with the updates done.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago

Single letters or UTF8 symbols only. Emojis are encouraged.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 week ago

He’s got to be in contact with the CEO of my company, this is trade secret theft if not…

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 week ago

MAGA - Make Assembly Great Again

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 week ago (1 children)

From this point on, all arrays are reverse-indexed.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 week ago

Hey now, you know that according to the Bible the biggest number is a million. Anything larger than that including infinity is some of that "woke shit".

Your array will be 999,999, 999,998, 999,997 ...

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 week ago (1 children)

NGL, this kind of form of putting the decisions the monkey-in-charge is making in a way experts in a field will understand, is a very good way to showcase the absurdity.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 week ago (4 children)

Am I The only one that sees the tie as yellow in this photo?

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 week ago
load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 week ago

Halfway to Lua lol

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 week ago

I don't get why only four of these are jokes

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Haven't heard of the stack address thing, anyone got a TLDR on the topic?

[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

https://softwareengineering.stackexchange.com/questions/386194/why-do-we-still-grow-the-stack-backwards

TL;DR: For historical reasons stacks growing down is defined in hardware on some CPUs (notably x86). On other CPUs like some ARM chips for example you (or more likely your compiler's developer) can technically choose which direction stacks go but not conforming to the historical standard is the choice of a madman.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Pretty sure that it’s something a long the lines of “stack begins high, grows down, while heap behind low grows high” when they meet, it’s a stack overflow

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago

I started reading that from the top and got increasingly angry on the way down. That creature is a monster.

load more comments
view more: next ›