this post was submitted on 18 Aug 2024
736 points (97.8% liked)

Dad Jokes

15329 readers
31 users here now

Description

This is a community for sharing those cheesy “dad” jokes that invoke an eye roll or chuckle.

Rules

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 118 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (3 children)

Hadn't seen this one before but I saw this in a book:

There once was a man from Peru,
Whose limericks stopped at line two

and then later in the same book they had

There once was a man from Verdun

[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I like this.

There are two types of people:

  1. Those who can extrapolate
[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 month ago (1 children)

eye twitches from incomplete data

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

I figured that was a double layer of extrapolation.

Also couldn't be bothered typing the rest on a phone.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago (2 children)

There are 10 types of people in the world

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)

All bases are belong to us

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago
  • base10, provably
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

Verdun here

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

There was once an unfortunate bard

Who found fashioning limericks hard.

He stopped at line three

[–] [email protected] 61 points 1 month ago

There once was a bard from Japan
Whose limericks never would scan
When told this was so
He replied, 'Yes, I know"
"But I always try and fit as many words into the last line as I possibly can."

[–] [email protected] 51 points 1 month ago (1 children)

there’s really no need to say more

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

God fucking damn genius.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 month ago

The audience always wants more

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Reminds me of an oldie:

“Roses are red, Violets are blue. Some poems rhyme, This one don’t.”

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 month ago

I will occasionally go out of my way to put together birthday cards etc for friends and family rather than buy something off the rack. One year I made this for my cousin:

Roses are red

(Rose dot jpeg)

Violets are too

(Violet in red dot jpeg)

open

I ran out of cyan

Happy birthday

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago

I knew it as

Roses are red.
Violets are blue
I hate rhyming.
Zebra

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

Yes these kinds of works works best when you sing them like bards would. Just reading them as is is not as good. Or you can sing them like tenacious d (they got the bard style going on)

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

There was a young man from south bend

Whose limericks all came to an end

Suddenly

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (4 children)

My favourite language joke:

What's the difference between a cat and a comma?

One's got claws at the end of its paws, the other's a pause at the end of a clause

*fixed order

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

What do you call Santa's little helpers?

Subordinate Clauses

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

... he traded the fifth for a whore

... the four is an Int I adore

... ~~three~~ third bit~~s~~ is all I afford

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)

You've gotta leave them wanting more

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

this is my favourite so far

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago (1 children)

... the four is an Int I adore

So that's your stand on the square numbers vs fibonacci primes, I see

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago

But a four is soooo symmetric.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago (1 children)

And this is the fifth line of four..

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 weeks ago

This one's great!

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Not a limerick but I want to share my favorite pun joke

I once submitted ten puns to a pun contest, hoping one would win, but
No pun intended

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago
load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 month ago

"...I can't think of a single word more."

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 month ago (1 children)

whose limericks stopped at line four

Bad rhythm. Should be “whose limericks would stop at line four”

[–] [email protected] 43 points 1 month ago (1 children)

That depends on whether you treat "limericks" as a trochee (long-short, i.e. "lim-ricks") or a dactyl (long-short-short, i.e. "lim-er-icks").

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 weeks ago* (last edited 4 weeks ago)

Egerlach, they once called this bard

Who'd school any with whom he did spar

Whether trochee or dactyl

word choice was impec'ble

master of prosody, unflappable.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

My bandwidth is crappy through Tor.

OR

Too much exposition's a bore.

OR

Though a quatrain's a ditty,

My pay's itty bitty.

If you cut prose apart, so as to make more,

Perhaps, one day, I'll afford my lost oar.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago (1 children)

and then he said nothing more.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 weeks ago

eh 7-10 in lines 1, 2, and 5. cold have been more consistent but its not like its a haiku. kind of ruins the joke to write a last line anyway

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago

I find the fifth line a chore

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago

And then he spoke not a word more.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago

You're both sadist and poetic boor.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

There once was a mute man from spain
Who loved traveling on planes
When ask what he thought
Of the brand new concord
He said

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

And with that he walked out the door

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago

*badum...* Y'know, no, this is so terrible, I will not finish the rimshot.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago

Nice lady who makes delicious snacks.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago
load more comments
view more: next ›