this post was submitted on 18 Aug 2024
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Dad Jokes

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This is a community for sharing those cheesy “dad” jokes that invoke an eye roll or chuckle.

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[–] [email protected] 119 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (3 children)

Hadn't seen this one before but I saw this in a book:

There once was a man from Peru,
Whose limericks stopped at line two

and then later in the same book they had

There once was a man from Verdun

[–] [email protected] 32 points 4 months ago (2 children)

I like this.

There are two types of people:

  1. Those who can extrapolate
[–] [email protected] 19 points 4 months ago (1 children)

eye twitches from incomplete data

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago

I figured that was a double layer of extrapolation.

Also couldn't be bothered typing the rest on a phone.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago (2 children)

There are 10 types of people in the world

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago (1 children)

All bases are belong to us

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago
  • base10, provably
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[–] [email protected] 11 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago

Verdun here

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

There was once an unfortunate bard

Who found fashioning limericks hard.

He stopped at line three

[–] [email protected] 63 points 4 months ago

There once was a bard from Japan
Whose limericks never would scan
When told this was so
He replied, 'Yes, I know"
"But I always try and fit as many words into the last line as I possibly can."

[–] [email protected] 52 points 4 months ago (1 children)

there’s really no need to say more

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago

God fucking damn genius.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 4 months ago

The audience always wants more

[–] [email protected] 26 points 4 months ago (3 children)

Reminds me of an oldie:

“Roses are red, Violets are blue. Some poems rhyme, This one don’t.”

[–] [email protected] 13 points 4 months ago

I will occasionally go out of my way to put together birthday cards etc for friends and family rather than buy something off the rack. One year I made this for my cousin:

Roses are red

(Rose dot jpeg)

Violets are too

(Violet in red dot jpeg)

open

I ran out of cyan

Happy birthday

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago

I knew it as

Roses are red.
Violets are blue
I hate rhyming.
Zebra

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[–] [email protected] 26 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

There was a young man from south bend

Whose limericks all came to an end

Suddenly

[–] [email protected] 24 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (4 children)

My favourite language joke:

What's the difference between a cat and a comma?

One's got claws at the end of its paws, the other's a pause at the end of a clause

*fixed order

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago

What do you call Santa's little helpers?

Subordinate Clauses

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[–] [email protected] 21 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (2 children)

... he traded the fifth for a whore

... the four is an Int I adore

... ~~three~~ third bit~~s~~ is all I afford

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago (1 children)

You've gotta leave them wanting more

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago

this is my favourite so far

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago (1 children)

... the four is an Int I adore

So that's your stand on the square numbers vs fibonacci primes, I see

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago

But a four is soooo symmetric.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 4 months ago (1 children)

And this is the fifth line of four..

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Not a limerick but I want to share my favorite pun joke

I once submitted ten puns to a pun contest, hoping one would win, but
No pun intended

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago
[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I always thought that joke needs an actual pun in the first half so the "no pun intended" has a valid double meaning. I came up with:

I told the sad ghost ten puns to raise its spirits. No pun intendid.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago (1 children)

It's word play.

No pun intended.
"No pun in ten did [win the contest]"

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago

Yes I understand. It works spelled that way. But "no pun intended" doesn't work because there was no pun in the initial setup. In my version both meanings make sense

[–] [email protected] 14 points 4 months ago

"...I can't think of a single word more."

[–] [email protected] 12 points 4 months ago (1 children)

whose limericks stopped at line four

Bad rhythm. Should be “whose limericks would stop at line four”

[–] [email protected] 43 points 4 months ago (1 children)

That depends on whether you treat "limericks" as a trochee (long-short, i.e. "lim-ricks") or a dactyl (long-short-short, i.e. "lim-er-icks").

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

Egerlach, they once called this bard

Who'd school any with whom he did spar

Whether trochee or dactyl

word choice was impec'ble

master of prosody, unflappable.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

My bandwidth is crappy through Tor.

OR

Too much exposition's a bore.

OR

Though a quatrain's a ditty,

My pay's itty bitty.

If you cut prose apart, so as to make more,

Perhaps, one day, I'll afford my lost oar.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 4 months ago (1 children)

and then he said nothing more.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago

I find the fifth line a chore

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago

And then he spoke not a word more.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago

You're both sadist and poetic boor.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

There once was a mute man from spain
Who loved traveling on planes
When ask what he thought
Of the brand new concord
He said

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago

And with that he walked out the door

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago

*badum...* Y'know, no, this is so terrible, I will not finish the rimshot.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago

Nice lady who makes delicious snacks.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago
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