this post was submitted on 12 Jun 2024
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I'm struggling to figure out how to make friends without having Instagram or any other social media. I have discord but don't use it much. I see all my acquaintances in discord channels and sharing Instagram posts and stuff. It's already hard for me to make friends, but I feel like not having any of the traditional social media means I'm not included in any of that stuff.

Do you just accept that Instagram and shit are the way people interact and use it?

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[–] [email protected] 67 points 4 months ago (2 children)

How do you make friends with social media?

[–] [email protected] 12 points 4 months ago

I think it's more just that it's a low stakes way to "hang out" and chat without any commitment or pressure. At least that's how I see the value

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago (1 children)

fellas is it creepy to have internet friends

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago
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[–] [email protected] 36 points 4 months ago

Discord is social media. What you need, my friend, are hobbies. Or the meetup app. Or to just go look up events in your area and go to them. Hobbies work because then you can find other people locally who are also into your ~~fetish~~ hobby.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 4 months ago

You need to make an effort to put yourself in places where you can meet people. Often this takes the form of finding a community with a common interest. This could be a hobby, a lecture, a course, book club, gardening, etc.

Other places where you meet people can be a workplace, a volunteering effort, social gatherings like listening to a band, orchestra or a play.

You can go to the local coffee shop and spend time there watching people. If you do this regularly, you're likely to meet people whom you can talk to and interact with.

If you already know people, acquaintances, then organise or participate in activities with them.

Social media is an add-on to life, not life itself.

The way to make friends is essentially finding ways to interact with other humans, preferably in places where you like to enjoy yourself.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Meetup.com and volunteering.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

Outside of work and school, I think pretty much all of my friends are from some sort of group, often volunteering stuff

Edit: or friends I met through friends

[–] [email protected] 11 points 4 months ago (10 children)

Volunteer. You'll meet the best people.

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 4 months ago

I'll tell you when I find out.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago

I don't know how to do it this generation style. In my gen, meeting through events and staying connected. Maybe you're a parent with kids and the kids are friends, naturally you will mingle with other parents.

Or join a sports team. You will quickly make friends there.

Join some other events you like. I dunno, like beer brewing clubs or something...

Thinking back how I made mine, most were from school, jobs, or sports. I had some internet friends but none of them were anything like my real local ones.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago (5 children)

Board games. Find people who play board, card or roleplaying games. Sign up to an open group to play. Its an extremely social hobby with no pressure - you're just there to play, and if some joking around and friendship happens, its a great bonus.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Meetup.com, search some interests, find some groups, go to some events, talk to people and slowly build those connections with those that you click with. Or all that via more general web searching, meetup is just a convenient hub.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Dang. The website said there is no groups or events anywhere at any time within 100 miles of me. What do lmao

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Checked it out and learned there's Thursday Night Dodgeball near me. Ok, this is actually useful.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago

Don't forget your training wrench! 🔧

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I started a business that involves going into stranger's homes. Most of my new friends are old ladies.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Would you like to share what the business is?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago

I'm home improvement contractor aka. "handyman"

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I'm a firm believer in friends through building solidarity. I helped organize a union at my workplace, and became a steward. Being united in struggle has brought me closer to the people around me. If you're too nervous for that, volunteer for a local cause you care about. If there aren't any, start organizing your community.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I think it's just so overwhelming to start from nothing with new people. I have essentially one person in my life who I've spent almost 2 decades with. I've always had trouble with balance. I have a few acquaintances, but I recently realized I need to have a closer relationship with more than 1 person.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Join a team or club in something that interests you.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I'm planning on signing up for a couple of rec sports leagues on volo. I'm afraid everyone there is going to be like 20 years old though

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago

find a hobby and join up with folks that do the same locally. join a gym. go to a local pub and watch some sports. I find this far better than social media, however I also live in a (small) city; i don't know how people manage in rural areas.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Are people you follow and who follow you really friends or is it primarily just about increasing the amount of followers? I've never had any social media aside from MySpace, but I consider my friends as family. Sure, I bet a lot of Instagram accounts have more followers than I have friends, but we're all stoked to know one another and it has nothing to do with appearances.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago (2 children)

I'm not talking about random followers. I'm talking about how to keep in touch and get closer to people who you just met. Like sure you exchange numbers, but then what? You might text them to go do an activity. But that's only every so often.

I guess I just don't know how it works, and I see everyone exchanging Instagram posts and in group discords and I don't know how to be included and involved

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago (1 children)

What was the common thread from when you met the person? How did you hit it off with them?

If you met at a bar, text them later asking if they’ve been to a certain brewery that just opened up (although this could sound like a soft invite to go there, so be prepared for that). If you connected about movies, tv shows, or music, ask them if they saw that new movie (show, album) that’s related to whatever you talked about (same director, sense of humor, style of movie, etc). Basically, just continue the conversation with them. Talk about related things and start to branch out, maybe you’ll find other common interests and things to talk about. You can send an article that you think they’d be interested in. Or a meme about their job.

But make sure that the conversation isn’t one sided. If you’re always the one starting the conversation or carrying it, maybe back off some. They should be just as engaged as you are.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago (3 children)

What was the common thread from when you met the person? How did you hit it off with them?

So I've been married for 12 years, and we've been together since college, where we met. And my wife's basically the only person I interact with socially. And I think I'm straining my marriage by using her as my crutch. I've kind of relied on her for literally all of my socializing, like tagging along with her and her friends. But I've recently realized that that's not healthy and I need someone to talk and interact with independent of her. But it's really hard.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago

I had a time where I had to make new friends in a new city, and what I learned is that you have to take initiative a lot in the beginning of a new friendship. You have to suggest something to do together maybe the first 2 - 4 times. After some time it should be more equal if not find some other friends.

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I'm not sure if he is my friend yet but I met another dad at the playground. Our children played a bit together so we started talking. Then at the end we gave each other our phone numbers and now our wifes who are both Korean stay in touch via KakaoTalk which is again a Korean social network ...

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago

Making friends through kids is so interesting to me. My sister has two kids and her best friend has one. She doesn't really hang out with her anymore, because the kids don't get along. She has another friend with like 4 children and they don't get along anymore, so they don't hang out anymore. At the same time she became friends with other people because their kids like each other

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Go to the bar every weekend.

If you find yourself getting too drunk a little coke will straighten you right now.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Who snorts coke anymore? We snort asbestos laced dried sloth feces these days.

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Do you mean meeting people? Or feeling like you're supposed to share things on social media as part of a friend group or else you're left out of things?

If you mean where to meet people, go anywhere a few times and you'll start to see the same people - like a dog park or walking trails; take a class or join an activity you like through your local parks and rec- i was just looking for a beginning welding class; in my area there's a sports and social club that does bowling leagues, beer pong tournaments, kickball games, etc. and several local game shops do board game nights.

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago

Do you just accept that Instagram and shit are the way people interact and use it?

Yes. Without it I would probably be even more lonely than I am today.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago

Join your city's discord and go to the meetups

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