Ask Lemmy

Yes now get off social media.

Dont write off masculinity altogether, it's not inherently negative and doesnt just mean being an aggressive gymbro.

Not gonna give ya any specifics, but I know as I've gotten older, the best parts of me are are traits i try to balance the masculine and feminine elements to work in concert, like ying and yang.

You are living during the time of masculine emancipation my friend. Men are allowed to be cute af these days and more and more women are catching on that this is a good thing. Some of the guys I know who register this way have found a lot of success dating in the non-binary scene where gender expectations are more generally negotiable. Non-binary circles are encircled with exterior connections of cis communities who have a more dynamic understanding of gender so if you are in a market to find likeminded souls that's where I would look.

And also... Cute is sexy. It's not everyone's vibe but there's definitely a desire out there for true gentlemen emphasis on the gentle. Most of the cis ones I know are married to ride or die partners whom exude an aura of sweetness out to 20ft.

I didn't have the guts to post when I first read this, but as someone who like Hello Kitty, Power Puff Girls, Totally Spies, and many other cute things, it feels pretty damn good knowing I'm not alone. Your post is very relatable to me. Society paints this weird picture, I think—but damn, so what if I think it would be nice if a girl wanted to give ME flowers? I like flowers!

Fuck society, @[email protected] ! Let's live our way!

Thanks for making my week. 🙂

Fuck this "manliness" bullshit. Wear a skirt. Punch anyone who makes a thing of it. You do you, boss and you do it to be happy with yourself. Nobody else gets to decide that. Nobody.

Sure, you can be whatever kind of man you want. You probably won’t find a lot of … “conventionally attractive” women who are into that though

I fundamentally disagree with your premise. Being caring, vulnerable, gentle is in no way incompatible with being manly. All require a lot of courage, strength, and intelligence. I do not think that manliness should be defined by its most toxic representatives.

I also heard an interesting take on this: we technically do not have a definition of what “manliness” means, as currently society is built around hating and oppressing women. Boys are told “don’t be a girl”, pretty much - don’t cry, don’t be ‘emotional’, don’t compromise, etc.

I think you should be grateful that you weren’t indoctrinated into being an abuser and instead managed to become a “real man”.

If you have trouble breaking the friendship barrier, consider getting in touch and expressing your romantic side more, because the qualities you describe are super attractive

Two thoughts on this:

1. There are probably way more men out there than you think that feel very similar, but are ashamed to be open about this, especially towards male peers, and therefore build a facade of manly manliness that doesn't reflect their actual personality.

2. There are probably way more women out there than you think that like exactly this personality. Dude, a lot of women like women. Women are usually not very manly. So if there are enough women liking women, there are enough women liking dudes like you. Don't worry. Lots of women aren't attracted to macho-type guys at all.

there is a billion dollar market for boy bands all over the globe, all of whom have a member who looks like your description.

In aesthetics - yes, people of all genders and orientations like that look/style in their chosen inamorata.

This is how you end up in an abusive relationship....

Here's the top 3 things that the Lemmy community loves the most:

1. Linux
2. The though of elon musk getting hit with a blue shell in Mario kart
3. Femboys

So you're good

(jokes aside any aestethic choice will be attractive to some people and a turn off for others, so you might as well be whatever makes you feel good)

Woman here, you sound cute. in a good way <3

Don't feel bad for being cute, you do you - which also may or may not be the dream of a woman 1+ ft. taller than you.

Leaning into this will probably garner attention from the right sort of women for you. The ones attracted to "traditional masculinity" (which is kind of a trap in some respects anyway) probably wouldn't be attracted to you sexually in the first place, based on what you describe here. So you don't really lose anything by what you plan to do. Go for it!

And if anyone gives you guff about it, tell them to fuck off (or whatever response appropriate to your vibe, but carrying a similar message, works best).

You do you. Someone will love you and it's better that they love you than a you you're pretending to be.

Yes you can! I’m quite the same way and you may enjoy checking out [email protected] :3

A term for a similarly related self-appraisal popped up in the early 2000s of Metrosexual. Obviously it has faded, but was for a time a steadfast declaration by plenty of men at the time (I was one of them). I'm old now so my pulse on such things has waned - but hell yeah, brother - you do you! That's always attractive imo.

Yes you can! There are many straight femboys for example

I am certainly not in your target demographic, and personally yeah it would be a turnoff but it would be really stupid for you to try to change and be unhappy - you don't need everyone to appreciate you in a romantic way, you only need a few admirers, right?

Looking at the people my kids date (more likely your age) they don't seem to have the preference for "manly men", none of them. They like guys who are not afraid to be soft, not afraid to wear nail polish or look 'girly' or whatever, they seem to find guys who do the Masculine thing actively off-putting. So you are in a good cultural moment I'd say. I think you will do fine being yourself, also never think it's a weakness to be gentle and caring. Most people want to be taken care of to some extent, just make sure this isn't a one-way thing, you take care of them too.

bro that is manly as fuck. keep doing you because it's hella manly to be gentle and caring and nurturing.

you need to stop worrying about all that "not alpha/sigma male = not attractive" self-doubt. you also need to stop worrying about your attractiveness. you're already attractive to some people. just find people you really enjoy hanging out with one on one, and eventually you'll land a partner.

As a man, men think women care about looks more than they do.

Looks are much bigger for men than for women.

Obviously a massive generalisation, but in general. Like "men are physically stronger than women". Not all men are stronger than women but...

Anyway.

Looks really don't matter that much. I'd say women pay more attention to personality with the same difference as there is between how much men value looks vs how women value looks.

Also, if I was being very crude, I'd say "status" is the "looks" for women. That's what you get very beautiful women with older rich men more than you do young hot men with old riches women.

But I'd like not to be crude so disregard that last bit.

Theres a fish for every net, my friend

Cute? like a baby turtle!!

You are attractive, probably very attractive. Your post makes it clear to me. You receive attention of multiple women, and some of them are even making advances on you. Manly men are in crisis, in my opinion. Feminism all around is putting the concept of the manly man in question, and you, my friend, are the next step, like the X-men mutant to the human being.

In any case, what's a man, anyway? They will tell you all kinds of zombie answers. As someone raised by women and two absent masculine figures, I just don't get it. Learned to set limits with bullies the bad way, always taking advantage of the situation cowardly, but effectively, and I don't regret kicking them while they were on the floor. What I mean is, if it works for you being all cute, be cute by all means, but if you want to have sex, be all the cute you want saying that seriously; otherwise, people, women, will take you for a prude, maybe even gay, and I don't know why, but that's been my experience.

Be yourself. Don't let other men show off by demeaning you, don't let women think you're some kind of a monk, especially the ones you are attracted to. Those are the limits.

EDIT: just to clarify, there's nothing wrong with being gay, but it hardly works to project that idea if you want to get intimate with the opposite sex.

Well you appeal to most women? No. Will you appeal to some women? Absolutely.

Just wanted to say that our modern ideas of masculinity are far from universal and largely ahistorical. It's okay to be exactly who you are.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Male_Renunciation

Coined by British psychologist John Flügel in 1930, it is considered a major turning point in the history of clothing in which the men relinquished their claim to adornment and beauty. Flügel asserted that men "abandoned their claim to be considered beautiful" and "henceforth aimed at being only useful".

Not only can you do that, in some circles you will need to wear a lifejacket to keep from drowning in pussy.

Good sir,

The yoga community is starved for healthy male presence (practice at most studios as a man and you will be a distinct minority).

This community values the same gentle and nurturing approach you have realized that you embody. The fact that you are introspective, respectful and self aware just makes it an even better fit for what you describe.

I cannot think of a place more accepting of individual differences and the persona you describe would be very welcome in those spaces.

I wouldn’t recommend this to someone who was just a pussy-hound, it wouldn’t be welcomed.

Yoga is a sex-positive and body-positive philosophy that doesn’t focus directly on sex usually, but instead helps one become a more rounded person, part of which is healthy relationships that may include physical intimacy.

You seem to understand boundaries and respect. So this suggestion is more about how to build the kind of community where your unique gifts are valued.

I have built many valuable relationships through my practice, most all non-romantic but all very supportive. From that foundation however, my more intimate relationships have improved immensely too.

My two cents

Gonna put this out there because nobody else has said it but you might want to glance over at @[email protected] and see how things relate to you. You are perfectly within your rights to be a lesbian if you would prefer that.

Rather than worry about trying to be universally attractive to everyone, think about the type of partner you want to be attractive to. There's certainly no shortage of potential partners who are into that. Anyone who isn't wouldn't be the right fit for you anyway.

Be outgoing and funny and you’ll find what you need. Hell, most likely it’ll come to you. You wouldn’t want one of those chicks who fawn over those “masculine” man-children anyway.