I don't fit very well with the idea of masculinity. I'm just a goofy nerd with a gentle personality and the desire to make others happy. I have always wanted to look soft and approachable; I have smooth, rounded facial features, wavy hair, big glasses, and a clean-shaven face. My personality is utterly non-threatening. I love caring for people, I enjoy being silly and whimsical, I'm a bit clumsy and get flustered easily, I wouldn't hurt a fly (unless I had to), and I'm polite to a fault. My paradise is a warm, cozy, quiet safe haven surrounded by cute plushies.
I'm not manly in the slightest, and I love being that way. I'm a total softie through and through, and I purposely align my appearance with my personality. I look gentle because I am gentle.
I have always been treated differently than my male peers. Many people are inexplicably nicer or softer on me even if they barely know me. Female friends have fawned over me, calling me things like "cute," "adorable," and "sweetheart," and expressing a desire to protect me. And I love it. I don't find it offensive or infantilizing at all.
Through extensive introspection, I later figured out that care and nurturing are incredibly attractive to me, and the funny tickle I felt whenever I was shown care and protection by my female friends was actually a subtle tinge of attraction. It's rather curious that my personality and gender expression just happened to develop in such a way to subconsciously solicit that kind of attention.
This is all well and good, but I worry that this makes me categorically unsexy due to my intentional suppression of gendered characteristics and desire to give off pure, wholesome vibes. Could I really be sexually desirable if I'm the kind of person who apologizes to trees for bumping into them? Some women have even teasingly called me a "Christian" or "virgin" because of this perceived innocence, suggesting that some people do indeed associate my personality with sexual restraint or abstinence.
In reality, I absolutely do want a sexual relationship, and I have always imagined myself treating a partner with the same gentle caregiving energy that I myself crave. I don't do "naughty" or "dominant"; I would view a partner's body as something to passionately take care of, not something to tease or conquer.
I would appreciate some outside perspective on this. Thanks!
As a man, men think women care about looks more than they do.
Looks are much bigger for men than for women.
Obviously a massive generalisation, but in general. Like "men are physically stronger than women". Not all men are stronger than women but...
Anyway.
Looks really don't matter that much. I'd say women pay more attention to personality with the same difference as there is between how much men value looks vs how women value looks.
Also, if I was being very crude, I'd say "status" is the "looks" for women. That's what you get very beautiful women with older rich men more than you do young hot men with old riches women.
But I'd like not to be crude so disregard that last bit.
I can't speak for all women, but looks for me are a yes/no binary, but a primary filter. So if a guy looks good enough, attractive to me, then I can be attracted to him if he's attractive in other ways. But there's no bonus for better than good enough, better looking doesn't matter at all. It is quite important - nobody has ever moved out of the appearance "no" bucket into the "yes". But there is no 1-10 scaling, no consideration beyond the yes/no, I'm never going to be more attracted to a man just because he's gorgeous.