Terrible Estate Agent Photos

This is the perfect property for me to start my cult!

Dust… Dust everywhere.

It screams vacation rental when a property like this has a galley kitchen like that. What a shame. I kinda enjoy this kitschy bullshit.

That big room is like someone designed a terrarium for humans without entirely knowing what humans are.

That great room kinda rules. Maybe a fun rental, but living there I fell like I'd get sick of it pretty fast.

I'm screaming. It's perfect. I want it so bad, but it's so expensive. How come rich people get to live in zoo enclosures? How come rich people get to live in natural history museums? Fuck you, I wanna live there. Literally me_irl:

Is it an automatic lock-in?

(I expect 2 brits to get this)

Nestled on 17 secluded acres, this is the ultimate retreat experience. Boasting a private lake for fishing, indoor pool, and game room, it's a haven for relaxation and recreation. With 10-foot chain link fencing, privacy is paramount, ideal for investors, preppers, or those seeking a primary or secondary home. Sleeping 16, the custom home features high-end appliances, three sets of washer/dryers, and wildlife views aplenty. Enjoy outdoor living with a gazebo, beach, and fire pits, perfect for gatherings under the stars. Recent $400k renovations enhance its allure. With parking for 40 cars, invite friends and family for unforgettable weekends. Just 90 min from Chicago and 15 min from Milwaukee, escape the city without sacrificing convenience.

$400K renovations to make a pre-historic Rainforest Cafe-themed compound? "Look, we're different from other cults. We have a theme and just like to get a little silly here at Corporate Retreat Hell. We just want you to relax and have fun, but if you break any of the rules, we'll shove a hot coal in your mouth and lock you in the bedroom adobe naughty cellar."

I... Actually love this. I would live here, happily.

I feel like this would be great for any aspiring or burgeoning cult leader. I might be willing to start my own cult of sorts with an investment like this, but the laundry room could use some work.

Half the posts on this comm, I just think to myself I'd love the place. Guess we know which type of person builds them in the first place 🤷

I thought the pictures were AI generated at first.

I love opinionated homes like this. Everybody shits on things like "agreeable beige" and "acceptable gray" but it's because it's sort of okay with everyone. Even if this look isn't for you, it's definitely for someone. I'd hardly be willing to do this to my home unless I was truly certain it would be my forever home because I know to sell it in any sort of timely manner I'd need to rip a lot of it out.

Party on the inside. Barn on the outside.

Is that an adobe hut in the corner of the bedroom, for Bible role playing or something?

I saw this house on a show about incredible real estate homes. I can't remember the name of the show, but I remember thinking that this is a ridiculously dumb use of money and now it's for sale hahahaha

Huge potential. Get in on the ground floor. Apocalypto is permanently playing on loop in the background. Tremors strike the building daily and gunshots can be heard. No low ball offers, I know what I got.

Ok so I don’t love whatever this thing is. It gives me creepy basement entrance vibes that don’t fit.

That's one part I'm totally cool with. It's clearly a playhouse and loft bed for kids. I would have loved it. Actually, I would have loved the whole place, but that in specific I would have loved.

Man, I could turn that into such a lovely botanical garden. It's horrifically ugly as-is but the natural lighting and humidity seem perfect.

For sale: Some ruins

I saw that one a while ago, is it still for sale?

At first I thought this was a ruin from some warzone.

When you want to Tomb Raider a bit too much, but the regular Croft mansion isn't exciting enough.

I really like the murdery utility shack out back.

Fuck the house...17 acres for only $1 million? The rest of Chicago is like $1 million per acre. Bulldoze the whole thing and you'd probably make your money back and then some.

And yet, the furniture is by Big Lots.

For 1.2 million too lmao