Ask Lemmy

Doesn't matter at all. A person is a person.

I'm not quite grasping the context you're asking the question, but I will say gender matters on Lemmy in the sense that I want full representation from all genders (and non-gender folk). The value of conversation here is derived from the many viewpoints that each of us bring. Without full representation, we'll be missing valuable inside and perspective if a specific gender (or non-gender) is missing.

Identity in general doesn't matter much on forums (as opposed to microblogs, like Twitter or Mastodon). Forums are focused on topics rather than people, and what is said is generally more important than who says it.

I'm a lady and haven't had any trouble here. The only place I really notice how ridiculously male - skewed Lemmy is, is on the NSFW. That is definitely all "male gaze" stuff, with the occasional actual lesbian also posting stuff guys like. Even the posts OF men are FOR men, everything posted with some assumption only men are looking at the posts.

The other communities just aren't so gendered, I don't notice much whether someone seems to be one or the other, it isn't relevant to cocktails or cooking or gardening or science fiction.

Lemmy is definitely a more male space than I think even reddit was, and that does affect the tone of certain conversations. It really is a whiplash coming here from Mastodon sometimes and seeing a very different vibe.

Why not make a new account with a femme sounding username and see? Don’t pretend you need help with a bra or anything, just interact with lemmy while “labeled” a woman.

I have a more masculine username and a more feminine username (both seem like spins on given names, think UrArthUr and Bekky), and there is a difference in how I’m perceived, or at least how people respond to me. It’s not huge, and I’m afab irl, so I’m also not surprised- I don’t think I’ve ever been somewhere where people can freely interact and it had no effect (or at least not since I grew tits).

Depends on context, as always. A user sharing a story on social interaction, gender may be quite important to how they experienced it and how others perceive it. I.e., a post the other day asking about worst dates and the average worst date for men was a woman on coke or a no show. The average worst date for women was about getting sexually assaulted or raped.

Men are victims of those things too and can face different repercussions when they try to pursue help. Understanding their experiences within the context of them being men is also important.

Stripping gender from these stories only obfuscates some of the problems.

That Lemmy hasn't devolved into an incel freak show is a barely functional alliance between the left lean and heavy moderation against the fact that Lemmy skews into Extra Opinionated Redditors (aka nerdy, lonely men)

When some poor lady tried to get a TwoX going here the comment sections were always a sausage fest of attempting to mansplain away women's personal experiences and concerns and that's really all you need to know about things.

Definitely does not matter. The only thing that matters is, if you behave like an asshole or not.

How would people even know other peoples gender?

There are people who share their pronouns/gender, but they are pretty rare

Far less than on Reddit, but it still affects someone's experiences. e.g. just bc someone does not experience something daily does not mean that it never happens, but often a person in a minority status group has no choice to ignore such, while the privileged status person can.

I’m male, hetero, and cis, too. I know there will be some things I’ll never fully understand because of that.

I try to keep things gender neutral (they, y’all). I know I’ll be wrong sometimes. When I’m corrected, I apologize and make sure I don’t repeat the mistake. There will be rare occasions where that’s not good enough for someone, but I look at that as more their issue than mine. I’m being sincere, and doing the best I can.

I call everyone dude, or man, especially when I’m excited. Idc what your gender is, you’re still my dude.

You can’t really generalize. It matters as much as the person you’re talking to or about thinks it matters.

If they don’t care; fine. But most people want to be properly gendered.

In most discussions here it’s not really relevant or important but it’s simple enough to use gender neutral pronouns when someone’s gender is unknown

I'll disagree with most of this thread and say it somewhat does, because your views and biases are heavily influenced by your gender. So if genders are all the same, you're just going to have a circlejerk. Is there something we should do about it? No, but I feel recognizing that it plays a big factor in a community is important.

It is very much context dependant. People want to say it does not matter, and in our default context, it theoretically does not. There are certain contexts where use of outdated patriarchal norms of the past will garner a response. In a sense it must matter that it does not matter.

My mind is drawn to the old adage, "hate is not the opposite of love; indifference is. For to hate is to still care in common with those that love."

If you use gender incorrectly here, or, in a broader context, act like an ass about gender you are likely to garner a reaction.

There was a post here in the last few weeks about someone on reddit that posted about a guy giving his partner an old iPod or some device like that as part of a birthday gift with other things, and getting eviscerated for the idea. Then after reversing the gender roles, under the same premise, the opposite reaction was the outcome. I don't think we are the same demographic here, but I also imagine we might display a similar objective bias in honest and objective aggregate.

So does it matter here, IMO, we'd like to think it does not, but we are biased like any group. We are generally aware and appreciative of our diverse community members and tend to prefer gender neutrality when possible, like assuming they/them is generally good decorum and practiced here. When an anthropomorphic gender assignment is appropriate, the cool kids default female.

At least that is the lay of the land abstracted as I see it when one speaks the unspeakable.

It doesn't. What they say is what matters. Not whose saying it. Gender is irrelevant unless I'm going to date them or we're about to lift heavy things.

I would say less than on reddit but still a thing. Being cisgender still is treated as a norm and the sort of folks who openly display misogynistic tendencies are fewer and farther between... But any innocuous mention to being trans will very get you a couple of dedicated downvoters or people who use gender essentialist arguements, silencing tactics (oh you're just being devisive) or transphobic rhetoric.

Not to say that it is bad comparatively. This is one of the most trans neutral places on the internet. It's not "trans friendly" mind you, I would categorize that as places where concensus about trans people being a normal thing to be has been reached and attention has shifted away from our basic rights as being up for debate... But trans neutral spaces are important too. We need holding spaces away from places where trans people talk openly where people can get to know us where the majority of support shuts down open hostility towards us prompting more nuanced interaction.

A lot of trans hostile spaces exist out there where being openly trans or advocacy for our needs invites a lot of death threats, calls for suicide, doxxing attacks and so on. If you see a comment section on youtube on a queer creator for instance that's overwhelmingly trans positive that generally means there's heavy moderation at play because they are trying to create spaces safe for their queer audience to interact with each other. What you as a casual visitor generally don't see is the mental cost being taken on by that moderation team to artificially create the illusion of that positive space. Here on this instance that level of moderation is unnecessary because generally speaking the volume is manageable.

Matters so much more than most people admit.

In the context of the internet at large seeming to believe every user is male? I'd say that's still standard practice here even if it's not as prevalent an assumption as on other social media. How much that matters though is subjective.

It matters when looking at NSFW channels.

Beneath each woman is a man, and beneath him is a teenage boy, and beneath him is a bot. After that, it's bots all the way down.

Using people's PPs still matters. Especially if you're talking about a user who clearly puts them in their display name. If someone with she/her pronouns is replied to by someone referring to them as him and he, that's a dick move.

on the internet everyone is just a wall of text to me. (pronouns: it/its)

Zero. Everyone is anonymous. So who cares.

It doesn't really matter, anyone can use Lemmy, regardless of gender identity or orientation. Some instances and communities are better suited for specific groups than others but for the most part we're all people.