Ask Lemmy

Try actively steering your fantasy past the peak of infatuation and into the latter stages of a relationship and on to breakup.

Right now, you have intrusive thoughts about falling in love with them, and probably the excitement of getting to know someone intimately. Instead of trying to hold back, let that fantasy play out in your head further. Imagine moving in, imagine them not getting you when you're explaining your problems. Imagine liking them, but finding their bad habits increasingly intolerable, and never being able to pick a movie to watch. Imagine them not flushing the toilet and clogging the shower drain with hair. And then imagine meeting someone new, and feeling guilty about crushing had on them. Imagine this new person reciprocates, and imagine politely explaining to your dance instructor that you guys can stay friends but, the romance has run it's course.

And there you are. The itch is scratched, and in your mind they're just a friend again.

Shit your pants during dance class. All possibility is dead.

In my experience, get to know the person, as a person. I see the crush as a separate entity from myself. The crush sees them as some unrealistic ideal superhuman, which falls apart when I take time to find out who the actual person is.

This assumes you have opportunities to casually chat without planning time specifically, or you can be in a regular part of group conversations.

Time. Crushes are naturally a temporary infatuation. They pass given time. Have fun with the fantasies, but I personally would not suggest trying to actually hit on her.

It's poor form to hit on people in their work places. If she initiates, that's one thing, but I wouldn't try anything otherwise.

Play Baldurs Gate 3 and crush hard on your companions.

I’ve found that when I want to kill a crush I can start looking for characteristics I dislike. Everyone has them and early on in infatuation we gloss over them. But intentionally highlight them and that crush usually goes away pretty quick. Works for me anyway

Meet new people

2 methods that I can think-of that might work, quickly enough for you:

1. deliberately develop a crush on someone else, like Lena Headey, or someone, whom you are not going to meet weekly, and

2. deliberately imagine her having total romancing with someone whom you both respect, value, & wouldn't violate-their-boundaries.

Obviously, combining these 2 methods would be stronger.

Salut, Namaste, & Kaizen

_ /\ _

Don't jerk off thinking about her

Full speed ahead, tell her how you feel. It can only end in two ways:

1. Your dream becomes a premonition and you live happily ever after.

2. She tells you she doesn't feel the same way and it ends there, awkwardly or not.

Speaking from experience. I had a crush on this one girl and I just couldn't get her out of my mind. I decided to do something about it and asked her out. She said no and that was the end of it.

Don't be afraid to be awkward.

Edit: If this truly is an impossible situation (you or the instructor are already in committed relationships) then I agree with everyone else telling you to find another instructor.

OR

Still do what I said but try to reconcile your feelings for her, with her. Also speaking from experience here. If she is a dance instructor, she is probably no stranger to having her pupils develop feelings for her.

Tell her. Then she likely rejects your feelings, and you distance yourself from her to kill the feelings.

Imagine her picking her nose and eating the booger. Next, imagine her taking a huge stinky steaming dump. Disclaimer: only works if you're not German.

From my own experience: cut all contact with that person... which may not be viable in your situation.

I'm pretty much the same as you. I just do my hobbys or play games and such. You slowly forget about her, trust me.

You and your dance instructor should hang out and take molly together.

Shit yourself in front of her. You may need to prepare with laxative beforehand.

Find someone else

Are you single? If so, just go with it!

Are you in a monogamous relationship? If so, find a new dance instructor.

I saw your post the other day and didn't have anything constructive to add (my instinct was to say 'just see where it goes, but don't force it to be romantic', but I know so little about the situation that it's hollow advice), but I came across this article in the NY Times that might speak to your situation. It talks about limerence, which is a new word for me. I say might, because it might not be what you're feeling, but it's worth a read regardless, and the tips on how to overcome it in the article seem useful (and have backing by different researchers, so they're bound to have more material on the subject that would be potentially related to what you're going through).

Gift link so no paywall: https://www.nytimes.com/2024/01/27/style/limerence-addiction-love-crush.html?unlocked_article_code=1.RU0.qcHQ.OMOM2nOkSCqy&smid=url-share

Come out of the closet as asexual and aromantic and the issue will disappear like a puff of smoke.

NOTE: this strategy could have negative consequences if you live in a country that doesn't recognize LGBT rights.

One thing that has always helped me stop thinking a crush is when I've gotten another crush. I'm not sure this helps you much though lmao

I also used to get crushes on people I met who I was platonically excited about, if I thought about them too much. Lmk if this is you and I can go into more detail