this post was submitted on 27 Jan 2024
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I think I got a crush on my dance instructor. Which fucking sucks for all the obvious reasons. Normally I wouldn't be so worried. BUT I JUST HAD A GODDAMN ROMANTIC DREAM ABOUT HER. Seriously I just woke up from a dream about her confessing her love to me and me eagerly doing the same about her.

So how do you stop a crush from developing further? Because this is a well from which only disappointment may be drawn.

Edit: I am single btw.

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[–] [email protected] 63 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (3 children)

In my experience, get to know the person, as a person. I see the crush as a separate entity from myself. The crush sees them as some unrealistic ideal superhuman, which falls apart when I take time to find out who the actual person is.

This assumes you have opportunities to casually chat without planning time specifically, or you can be in a regular part of group conversations.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 9 months ago (1 children)

Isn't getting to know someone better the exact same path you would take if you like them too?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago

Didn't hear any compelling reasons as to why an actual relationship would be bad. Having a relationship with an authority figure (teacher, doctor, therapist, etc) is taboo and often illegal, but if there's really a connection there it should be doable to change up schedules or find new instruction so there's no conflict anymore. Most of my crushes though have been very superficial and a few conversations dispelled the fantasy.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 9 months ago

I see the crush as a separate entity from myself. The crush sees them as some unrealistic ideal superhuman, which falls apart when I take time to find out who the actual person is.

That's pretty damn well put.

This assumes you have opportunities to casually chat without planning time specifically, or you can be in a regular part of group conversations.

There is maybe a tiny window. But it's worth a shot.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

I had a crush and had this like, idea* of who they might be.

Got to know them more and more, and… they’re exactly the person my imagination fabricated.

Anyway, we’re married and shit now. I wish the same for every person with a crush.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 months ago

that is the ideal way it works out. It's rare but awesome.