this post was submitted on 21 Jan 2024
787 points (93.4% liked)

Programmer Humor

32730 readers
555 users here now

Post funny things about programming here! (Or just rant about your favourite programming language.)

Rules:

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 133 points 11 months ago (4 children)

What language was that jpeg compression written in?

[–] [email protected] 86 points 11 months ago (2 children)

You ever heard of lossless compression? Well they developed lossfull anti compression, it compresses and decompresses the images so many times that the added artifacts create a larger file than original ! Impressive ain't it?

[–] [email protected] 25 points 11 months ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 21 points 11 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 16 points 11 months ago

YOU WERE NEVER MEANT TO ACCESS STARCH DIRECTLY

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 90 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (5 children)

Fools haven't even written it well! Translated:

STOP WRITING

  • MEMORY WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE AESSED DIRETLY

  • YEARS OF PROGRAMMING yet STILL ODE IS STILL WRITTEN with memory vulnerabilities

  • Wanted to aess memory diretly anyway? We had a tool for that: It was alled "ASSEMBLY"

  • "Yes please give me NULL of something. Please give me *&* of it" - Statements dreamed up by the utterly deranged

LOOK at what Programmers have been demanding your Respet for all this time, with all of the omputers we built for them

(These are REAL programs, written by REAL Programmers):

???? ???????? ????????????

They have played us for absolute fools

[–] [email protected] 23 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

LUV ‘ODE

LUV LINUX

‘ATE WINDOWS

‘ATE ‘LOSED SOURCE

SIMPLE AS

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 15 points 11 months ago

what does this omment even say??? i ant see it

[–] [email protected] 10 points 11 months ago

Respet earned.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 44 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (2 children)

I really like C because I can just get to the heart of an action and make it happen without much surrounding code.

I could make classes and blah blah blah if I want to make a large, complex program but I'd rather write several small, simple to grok programs which pass information around so each program can do its one simple thing, quickly and easily. Chain the small programs together with bash or something, and bingo, you've got a modular high speed system.

I'm not a programmer, actually a mechanical engineer. But the Unix philosophy of simple, modular tools is great, provided one properly checks and sanitizes inputs.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 11 months ago (6 children)

What you're describing sounds like Python. Not really C's strong suit.

If you haven't checked it out yet, you certainly should!

load more comments (6 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 44 points 11 months ago (4 children)

Does anyone even know what Windows is written in?

[–] [email protected] 93 points 11 months ago (2 children)

Originally Windows was written in assembly and ran on top of DOS, but since Windows 2000 and XP, it's been exclusively running on the NT kernel, which is written primarily in C, with some C++ in there as well.

The actual userspace is mostly C++ and C#.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 11 months ago (1 children)

And basically the entirety of dotnet 6 forward is spans. It’s all spans. All the way down.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 33 points 11 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 10 points 11 months ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 16 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Well, you know those claims that Java runs on 18 trillion devices? How do you think they got there, hmmmmm?

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 38 points 11 months ago (10 children)

Just use brainfuck for everything. The entry barrier for the programming industry needs to be higher anyway.

load more comments (10 replies)
[–] [email protected] 30 points 11 months ago (11 children)

But what if I want a union struct to quickly interpret floats as ints and vice versa! I need my C hacks!

load more comments (11 replies)
[–] [email protected] 27 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Computers are so fast now, we should just write everything in BASIC anyway

[–] [email protected] 29 points 11 months ago

Welcome to the world of JavaScript

[–] [email protected] 26 points 11 months ago

Python laughing nervously: "haha yeah... we shouldn't write in C, amirite guys?"

[–] [email protected] 24 points 11 months ago

Imagine having anyone tell you how to access your memory.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 11 months ago (4 children)

Do people still think, after all this time and so many different languages, that there will be one language to rule them all? I mean technically you can drive nails with a rock, but you don't see a carpenter using one. Right tool for the job. Always was, always will be.

[–] [email protected] 33 points 11 months ago

Of course there is, it’s Rust

/s

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 23 points 11 months ago (3 children)

I enjoy the selection bias in the comments for these sorts of posts. >_< There's a few people saying "I kinda like C", a few saying "use Python instead", and a whole lot saying "Rust is my lord and savior". Completely disjoint from the real world usage of the languages for whatever practical, pragmatic, or ideological measures they are used for.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 18 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Yesterday I tried using an honest-to-god pointer pointer pointer, and I think the compiler refused on moral grounds.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 17 points 11 months ago (1 children)

There first version of sudo rewrite in Rust has been released last year: https://www.memorysafety.org/blog/sudo-first-stable-release/

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 17 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I think Linux is even written in C

[–] [email protected] 13 points 11 months ago (1 children)

And Linux was never meant to access memory directly. Boom. Roasted.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 11 months ago

fry Still not sure if you’re high or trolling.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 11 months ago (11 children)

C is meant for embedded stuff. #changemymind

[–] [email protected] 14 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (9 children)
[–] [email protected] 17 points 11 months ago (2 children)

That article is incomplete. Nowhere do I see JavaScript listed.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

😂

node-os is a full operating system built on top of the linux kernel

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (8 replies)
load more comments (10 replies)
[–] [email protected] 13 points 11 months ago (5 children)
load more comments (5 replies)
[–] [email protected] 11 points 11 months ago (1 children)

C is fun. Thats why I use it :P

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 10 points 11 months ago (7 children)
load more comments (7 replies)
load more comments
view more: next ›