this post was submitted on 29 Aug 2023
1272 points (98.4% liked)

Memes

45894 readers
1114 users here now

Rules:

  1. Be civil and nice.
  2. Try not to excessively repost, as a rule of thumb, wait at least 2 months to do it if you have to.

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 370 points 1 year ago (16 children)

“You’re in contempt of court. You have been fined $x and continued refusal to swear the oath will land you in prison until you do. Jackass.”

That’s what the judge does.

[–] [email protected] 53 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It's really a process of letting the subpoenaed know that they either tell the truth, lie and face perjury charges, or refuse and face contempt or court charges. The latter can seemingly land you in jail in perpetuity. Because fuck you, I guess?

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Does the "right to remain silent" still apply?

[–] [email protected] 27 points 1 year ago (2 children)

That's mostly for police. Once you're in court and ordered to testify, the person talking about germany is mostly correct. You can't be forced to self-incriminate nor testify against a spouse. Otherwise yes. Generally 99% of courts won't bother even asking the defendant to testify because self-incrimination is practically guaranteed. Usually only if the defense calls on them, which is often a bad idea.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)

"Please state your name"

"I can't do that without incriminating myself"

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago

Mr. Stealsalot,
We meet again

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I just talked about Germany because I didn't knew how it is in the US. Apparently it's exactly the same. Intresting comment

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 36 points 1 year ago (4 children)

What if you were coerced into testifying?

[–] [email protected] 66 points 1 year ago

Then you plead the 5th. Pretty sure that's exactly what it's intended for.

[–] [email protected] 64 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (6 children)

You can't be forced to testify against yourself, but you can be forced to testify against others.

Exceptions are: Spouses can't be forced to testify against each other. Parents can't be forced to testify against their child and same thing vice versa.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago (2 children)

"They can’t arrest a husband and wife for the same crime."

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

They can, they'll just have to find other evidence. If there's a court case with the defendants being a married couple who both refuse to testify and there's no other evidence, it's essentially the same as a court case with one defendant that's refusing to testify against themself and there's no other evidence. Both cases will result in dismissal.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The person you're replying to was quoting Arrested Development.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)

And therapist/lawyers don't have to testify right?

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Unless they were legally obligated to report you. They can testify in regards to whatever specific topic lead to that.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

i'd guess when the patient admits to have committed murder and then the therapist has to report it, right ?

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago (1 children)

https://joshuatreecounseling.us/2021/07/19/what-happens-if-i-tell-my-therapist-i-did-something-illegal/#:~:text=In%20Florida%2C%20duty%2Dto%2D,harm%20from%20a%20client%2Fpatient.

My layman's understanding is that if you say you committed murder 20 years ago, but your therapist doesn't believe you are actually a clear, present, and immediate danger to yourself or others, they don't actually have to report it. I find it hard to believe that there would be a situation where someone could admit to something like that and the therapist doesn't think they are at a reasonable likelihood to reoffend, but I guess the potential for the situation exists.

The link above is specific to Florida, but I'm sure that there are differences in law in different jurisdictions and probably even specifics at the federal level.

I am neither a lawyer nor a therapist, just a shitposter, so take all of this with a grain of salt.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (4 replies)
[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago

You mean by a court subpoena? If so then you testify or get found in contempt of court.

Or do you mean what if someone is threatened/blackmailed into giving false testimony? If that's the case then you should probably go to the police. If it's law enforcement who are coercing you then I suppose you could try to include that fact in the testimony, but there may not be much difference in that and refusing to comply with the blackmailer in the first place, in terms of your safety.

If you're coerced to lie under oath then I'd guess that still counts as perjury, but I doubt most judges would be mad at you for it; they'd shit fury all over whoever was coercing you.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago (2 children)

If that's the best the judge can do, I feel sorry for them. And I will leave it at that.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 year ago

IDK, imprisoning a person until they either comply or the trial concludes without them seems pretty good for the judge. Bad for the person subpoenaed, but it's no skin of the judge's back

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (13 replies)
[–] [email protected] 102 points 1 year ago (1 children)

If this happens they'll do the "A person who swears to tell the truth and nothing but the truth says what" ordeal. If that doesn't work they will just let you leave

[–] [email protected] 38 points 1 year ago (1 children)

JUDGES HATE THIS ONE TRICK!

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I wonder how many times it takes for a judge to get tired of sending you too jail for contempt over and over again for refusing to say yes. Lol

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 100 points 1 year ago (3 children)

"Anything you say can be used against you in court."

"Titties."

"..."

[–] [email protected] 30 points 1 year ago

Held against you. It works much better with the proper wording.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Opportunity is not compulsion

[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

In the movies they always say "... can and will be used against you"

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The witness requests titties. Baliff, bring in "Big Mike"

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago

His name was Robert Paulson

[–] [email protected] 48 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Judge: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?

Me: Fuck. Here, I swore.

[–] [email protected] 53 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Also contempt of court. Do not pass go.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 47 points 1 year ago (1 children)

My client has plead Oopsie Daisy, Your Honor. Case Dismissed (drops mic)

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 30 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Ok, serious question: what is the course here? Can you be forced to swear?

[–] [email protected] 35 points 1 year ago

Generally speaking, you will be asked to swear or affirm that you are going to tell the truth, and that you understand the consequences of not telling the truth. Whether you do a whole ceremony about it or not, it doesn't really matter -- but the court will want to know that you are competent to testify truthfully and that you know that you're not allowed to testify to things you know aren't true.

If you're asking "can you be forced to testify?", the answer is "Yes but it depends." If you're competent to testify and the officers of the court deem your testimony important, they can subpoena your testimony. If you have a reason to contest it, you can -- but "I don't want to" isn't good enough.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago

Not really. This is about ability, not willingness.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You don't get to testify, I assume.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago (7 children)

But what if you don't want to testify in the first place?

In Germany you're forced to testify anyways.

load more comments (7 replies)
[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 year ago

In America, the disobedient prole gets tossed in the slammer and forced to do hard labor.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Trump: "Yes."

Normal brain World: "Liar!"

[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago

Trump: "No"

GOP brain world: "In my experience, no means yes..."

[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I once crossed off something I didn't like on a contract and the boss scolded me and put a fresh new one in front of me while printing out yet another one.

[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 year ago (1 children)

All contracts are negotiable, you did nothing wrong other than not having a conversation before wasting paper, the main issue is that for most people the negotiation is "if you want to work here you have to agree to all this."

But yeah reasonable accommodation and mutual understandings, etc, should be written down and signed. I challenged the non-disclosure agreement at my job once because it literally said I couldn't talk about my work with ANYONE, and a plain reading of it would mean I'd be unable to even talk to my boss about what I was supposed to be doing. It was poorly written and probably unenforceable. My boss didn't like that so I signed it anyway and then focused on finding work elsewhere (he was a dick and his company got raided by the FBI a few years later)

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 year ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 year ago

I've often heard it stated as a command: "Swear to tell the truth..."

load more comments
view more: next ›