this post was submitted on 10 Jul 2024
1079 points (93.8% liked)

Programmer Humor

19589 readers
518 users here now

Welcome to Programmer Humor!

This is a place where you can post jokes, memes, humor, etc. related to programming!

For sharing awful code theres also Programming Horror.

Rules

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 197 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Doctor of Computer Science

stringly-typed "100%"

yeah that tracks.

[–] [email protected] 127 points 4 months ago (8 children)

Calls a static method on the OldMan class instead of the instance of oldMan that is actually dying.

[–] [email protected] 63 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (2 children)

Tonight's story: Every man older than OldMan.getMinimumAge() has been in perfect *unchanging* health for the last few months‽ To find out why, stay tuned! Our experts chime in to help you understand....

[–] [email protected] 17 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

If only I'd been born %YEARS% later :'-(

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago

But then they really have no idea and try to convince you it’s from some stupid diet trick fed to them by a sponsor.

load more comments (7 replies)
[–] [email protected] 27 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 34 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago

Haha I'm saving this image

[–] [email protected] 185 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (25 children)

WHY IS THE HEALTH INPUT PARAMETER A GODDAMN STRING?????????????

Why are you passing ‘%’ inside said goddamn string?!?! Not to mention the static reference instead of the actual instance.

Shame on you

[–] [email protected] 69 points 4 months ago

Also putting sudo in front of what looks like Java code not shell.

[–] [email protected] 36 points 4 months ago (1 children)

OldMan.setHealth("Robert'); DROP TABLE Students;--")

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 29 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

I guess its just a reminder that getting a PhD is often more about dedication than it is about practical knowledge.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 4 months ago

Because the meme wasn't made by someone with a doctorate in CS or even a bachelor's.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

Smells like JavaScript.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 4 months ago (1 children)

It's not his fault the world is made this way.

He just has to follow it or else that man dies.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 14 points 4 months ago (2 children)

They use a look-up table with every value from 0% to 100%

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

Honestly, if someone were to try to safe my life. And I find out he uses a string as a parameter to do so. Just let me die right there.

load more comments (17 replies)
[–] [email protected] 100 points 4 months ago (3 children)
sudo rm /heart/arteries/**/clot
[–] [email protected] 90 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Very important to not hit enter before clot.

[–] [email protected] 37 points 4 months ago (1 children)

That's why you have backups.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 23 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 21 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I feel like if your body follows the Unix filesystem structure, you have a real problem.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Can I get one of them immutable bodies?

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 19 points 4 months ago (4 children)

Please forgive my ignorance. What does ** do?

[–] [email protected] 23 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Acts as a wildcard for any directories that exist between arteries and clot.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

It's a glob pattern (edit: tried to find a source that actually showed ** in use).

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 79 points 4 months ago (1 children)

You are not in the sudoers file. This incident will be reported.

[–] [email protected] 42 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Goddamn, the joke gets worse the more I inspect each panel.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 14 points 4 months ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 10 points 4 months ago (1 children)

The font changes like 3 times 👌

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 38 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Can he also fix alzheimer's by hunting down memory leaks.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 29 points 4 months ago (1 children)

"Wait! We need to get the user story before we start working on a solution!"

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 26 points 4 months ago (3 children)

Did he just give every old man perfect health?!

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 20 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 11 points 4 months ago

sudo pacman -S new-heart

[–] [email protected] 18 points 4 months ago

Top-tier endangerment bait lmao

[–] [email protected] 15 points 4 months ago (3 children)

See that's the issue, he should have tried stopping the cardiac arrest process instead of just resetting the man to the beginning of it

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 14 points 4 months ago
[–] [email protected] 12 points 4 months ago

HeLlOoOoO, wHaT nOw? It'S a Do Or DiE sItUaTiOn, HuRrY!

[–] [email protected] 10 points 4 months ago

I wish there was a last panel of the old guy getting revived, I think it would be funny

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago

bash: sudo: command not found

After all, we don't know that he has it installed, especially if he's running a really old distro.

load more comments
view more: next ›