this post was submitted on 15 Jun 2024
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[–] [email protected] 88 points 4 months ago (1 children)

How long can one person avoid yard work? The answer will shock you.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 4 months ago

3 weeks so far lol. I’ll probably have to finally mow next week before it gets unmanageable.

[–] [email protected] 60 points 4 months ago

"Clueless old man tries the cloud."

[–] [email protected] 45 points 4 months ago (2 children)

He's unemployed, autistic, spends his free time configuring Linux distros, doomscrolling and falling down Wikipedia rabbit holes. You won't believe how he met his wife!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Wait, but how did you meet your wife though?

I too choose this guy's wife.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 4 months ago

I asked for her number in a night club, she was the bartender.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago

3 long lines of 'headline' won't get you any clicks (and no wife)

[–] [email protected] 38 points 4 months ago (1 children)

101 mistakes to avoid if you wanna reach 30

[–] [email protected] 16 points 4 months ago

me, reading: oh no... oh no!

[–] [email protected] 38 points 4 months ago (2 children)

“Which programming language will kill you the fastest? One man searches for the answer.”

[–] [email protected] 17 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago

Might I refer you to Brainfuck, or perhaps Whitespace?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Do let me know of the outcome!

[–] [email protected] 12 points 4 months ago

I’ve found calling HTML a programming language helps.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago

::: spoiler Spoiler "The hackers chainsaw" - Forth

Old Reverse Polish Yoda can kill with one Word.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Man goes to memorial service and learns coworker's shocking secret!

[–] [email protected] 16 points 4 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 25 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

My stepmom's mom died, I found out my coworker sings in her church's choir.

If you knew him, you'd be shocked too.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 4 months ago (1 children)

This is just how the click baits turn out too

[–] [email protected] 13 points 4 months ago

Hey shitty news sites! I'm accepting bids for part time click bait writing!

[–] [email protected] 25 points 4 months ago

Fail compilation 2024 (watch till the end 😂👌)

[–] [email protected] 21 points 4 months ago

Scientists discover THIS many shots of vodka will inebriate you

[–] [email protected] 15 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Chaos Condo in Manila: Yowling cat, BDSM couple and Nose Job Woes Shake Up Quiet Night.

I am not kidding. Life is strange sometimes.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Also across the hall there is a phone that rings for 10 full minutes, every day.

And the aircon smells like mold.

And the windows are stuck shut.

And the bathroom smells a bit like sewer.

Sorry, got on a roll there.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago

This reads like the lyrics to a Godspeed You! Black Emperor song. Like a more depressing Dead Flag Blues.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago

Okay, I'm hooked, I have to know the non-clickbait story

[–] [email protected] 14 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Retired at 38 and living childless with his wife in the countryside... What will he do with the rest of his life? #7 may surprise you.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 4 months ago

WHATS #7 damnit‽

[–] [email protected] 12 points 4 months ago

Local fuckup reclaims a meager portion of his dignity using this one weird trick

[–] [email protected] 12 points 4 months ago

Man waits 3 months to see his girlfriend, you won't believe what happens next!

She was out of town for work for a couple of months, we saw each other one time since she got back. Then before we could see eachother again, she came down with COVID and I got fucking pneumonia. So we have to wait a bit before seeing each other until we're both healthy.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 4 months ago

Nurgle mistakenly identifies local sedentary fatass as living in tribute to him, rewards him with the blessing of now 4 weeks of continuous digestive plague.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 4 months ago

You Won't Believe This Guy's Crazy Knife Collection!

[–] [email protected] 10 points 4 months ago

How Is This Mentally Ill Single Millenial Holding Down Two Jobs and Crunching Through Debt Payments? The Answer Will Shock Most Americans!

(the answer is I am a lucky bitch whose main employer fucks up just about everything except they provide premium health insurance I can afford to pay for and pay copays for, and this has been drastically improving my life)

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago

Waiting for help, this shocking new treatment might be just what was needed!

[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago

She Put 26 Years Into A Relationship In Exchange For A Mountain Of Debt, And Now He's Throwing Things At Her!

[–] [email protected] 8 points 4 months ago

Millennials are killing the idea of retirement!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 4 months ago

I tried programming in vvvv and this happened…

[–] [email protected] 5 points 4 months ago

"Virtually legless breed of alien woman hides in plain sight, sighted in Pitcairn and dumped in VT by her family after fleeing the people of NY!"

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

Does life suck, or not?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago

Man dies killing two cars on bicycle, his zombie stole my KOM ten years later.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago

All I know is that it would be a headline from The Onion.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 4 months ago

Man tasked with feeding his best friend's dog his last meal. You'll never believe what was on the menu!

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

"Will he kill himself? This man hates his life!"

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 months ago

Hi there. We all have ups and downs in life, but sometimes the downs can feel really down or can feel like they will never end. Take heart though, things can and do get better. If you are having thoughts about taking your own life, know that there are people who care, and are there to help you. Reach out to someone if you need to.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/basics/suicide/suicide-prevention-hotlines-resources-worldwide

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago

Professional plumber lost his job and starts their own company - this happened next