Ask Lemmy

I was a big 'offend everyone' dweeb, with a side serving of "free speech".

I grew up in structure where etiquette and taboo were abused and hated them. Like the chilidish little maximalist I was, I applied that hatred to everything. Slurs were particularly hilarious, I thought people were ridiculous with how they tip toe around them and delighted in their discomfort when I'd just come out and say it. They were just words, why be scared of them?

In my mind, I clearly didn't hold any bigoted views. Particularly with homophobic ones - I'm queer, I've been beaten for it, I've been beaten counter protesting "actual" bigots. I'd ask critics "what have you done?", before calling them a fa-

Well, you get the idea.

At the end, I was also a sort of community figure. An extremely minor one in the grand scheme of things, but I still had attracted a small audience. This included a large number of younger men who were impressionable. The thing is, they attract their own audience too.

I noticed an increasingly amount of what I considered, back then, to be "actual" bigoted stuff being said. Usually from older men trying to sway those younger men. I saw them buzzing around my peers too, encouraging them to say things for them, dropping bait in chats and pulling aside the younger male audience members to try to recruit them, more or less.

I tried a couple of times to call it out, but they'd fall back on "it's just a joke". They'd point to all the bullshit I'd said over the years and the obvious hypocrisy. I'd given up any credibility I had and bred an environment where these people could thrive. It also became clear that plenty of my audience had taken me seriously, and were imitating what they thought I was doing.

It made me reevaluate things. I'd alienated people, good people, by acting in this way. I'd hurt people I never had any intention of hurting with my callous disregard for their feelings. I'd convinced people to be worse in ways I'd fought against, destroying far more progress than I'd ever made.

So I stepped away from the spotlight and stopped. As a side note, working it out of your vocabulary is a truly frustrating progress. I'd trained myself to use slurs to mean the most basic things. Getting sober was more difficult but at least it was quicker. It took literal years of diligence to kill the impulse to call someone who is being annoying a fa-

Anyway.

Afterwards, a surprising number of the people who distanced themselves from me reached out. More than I deserved. I hadn't told anyone I'd had a revelation, or made some grand apology to try and absolve myself of the sin or whatever. It is telling about how bad it was that people took notice just from it's absence. Many of those shared stories of how it'd hurt them.

The one that broke my heart the most was a transwoman who I had stood up for when others tried to push her out. She had been lonely, and I'd given her just enough acceptance for her to get trapped in a toxic community. My bigotry she rationalized away, and it desensitized her just enough to try to fit in with the broader community around me. She internalized the horrific transphobia that was being said. I think it goes without saying what that did to her mental health and the places it lead. I had caused deep harm to not only someone I liked, who had looked up to me, but someone I had tried to help.

It's not just jokes, the intention doesn't change that.

Being antivax.

I grew up in an antivax house and I never questioned it, especially since me and my family used to be healthier than most people around us.

There would be vaccine days in school and we would have to go and refuse them. only when the corona hit and suddenly there was all this discussion about the importance of vaccines and I started to actually research it, given I was still young at the time so I don't blame myself for not doubting it up until that point.

To this day I'm still wary of vaccines and I do have this deep feeling that I don't want to be vaccinated but I do get my vaccines after researching them and proving to myself that the data makes sense.

I also can't ignore the fact that there is a conflict of interest for these companies to release these vaccines and them maybe not being as safe as possible but I try to follow the data especially from independent research that isn't related to the company that made the vaccine.

It's really crazy how childhood beliefs can hold you so strongly even when you logically get through them and realize they are wrong.

Trigger warnings.
I used to think they are for overly sensitive people, then life happened and now I have my own triggers and would like a trigger warning for certain topics.

Off the top of my head, I used to think that economic growth of a country equals wealth growth for its people and equals good leadership is steering the country policies.

Turns out that good leadership and economics are rather loosely correlated and also a large inertia allows bad leadership to reap what others saw

For me one of the most recent things I've changed my mind about was my stance on (Finland) joining NATO. I used to oppose the idea because I was uninformed and thought that if a member state somewhere far away gets attacked that means I'm almost guranteed to be sent there fighting. I also didn't think an actual hot conflict was a realistic threat in the civilized western world or atleast that the possibility of something like that was extremely small. Suffice to say I was proven wrong.

I used to identify as Libertarianian. Resented taxes, overreaching, infiltrating my life, all about independence, don't want to be interfered with.

Then I became homeless. Realized how the social services, ssi, Medicare are important. Sure there are lazy people, but also those who genuinely need help, who want to get back on their feet. Care a lot more now about wanting to live in a society that actually cares about the people in it.

The McDonald's hot coffee incident.

It's a trivial example, but it reflects all sorts of issues in modern society.

I had bought into the McDonald's PR, believing it to be a symptom of an overly litigious society, people blaming all of their issues on others, etc.

But then I actually looked into it, instead of taking it at face value. The face that was created by a very interested party (most notably the defendants in that same lawsuit, but also right-wing pundits pushing a narrative)

When I did, I saw for the first time the claims made by the plaintiff. These were never included in any media coverage. I hadn't considered that the coffee was abnormally hot, and to a significant level (industry average is about 130F, this was around 180F). I had no idea about the 3rd degree burns in 7 seconds. The words "Fused Labia" had never been seen together. The multiple other similar lawsuits. The offers to settle for medical expenses. And so on....

And the worst part (in my mind), that forced me to take a 180 on the issue?

The entire reason for the coffee being that hot was to save money. This had nothing to do with personal responsibility, or a free payday. This was a megacorp selling a known dangerous product, selling pain and suffering, just to put a few extra pennies in their coffers. This had more in common with the lead/cadmium mugs (also McDonald's) and tobacco than anything to do with freedom.

I'm not going to say it radicalized me, but it was definitely an Emperor's New Clothes moment.

I was raised Mormon, am now atheist. Regret every conversation I had in high school about gay marriage. And evolution.

I used to think that adoption was basically “buying a kid” and was very cut-and-dry.

Now I know that adoption is really about merging another family into your life to do what’s best for the kiddo. It’s an ongoing journey that will change the lives of everyone involved.

Elon Musk.

Sure, I thought, the guy's probably an ass hole considering the amount of exwives he has. A rich cunt billionaire. But Steve Jobs wasn't a nice guy either, but without his... Uh... "special" nature certain aspects of computers would've been decades behind.

But then I started listening to engineers, ones who could see through the hype that Elon Musk seems to create for everything he does, because they understood the numbers behind everything he claims and promises.

And I realised, Elon is full of shit. He's not doing anything that manufacturers didn't already know how to do, and he's selling it like he invented it.

This realisation came well before he bought twitter. When he did buy Twitter and started using it as his own... Plaything, I realised he's actually an immature idiot.

Bernie Sanders woke me from my Libertarian slumber.

When I was religious, young and stupid I thought if I had a kid and they would come out as gay, that would be the biggest catastrophe for me, even worse than them dying in a accident.

Now I think it would sometimes be inconvenient for them because of society, but they would even be able to have kids of their own and otherwise also have a fairly normal life. So not really as big of a deal as I thought.

I mostly don't talk about it, but it's Russia. Before the war starts, I sympathised with the russian people and disliked the hate against them. And I don't mean Russia = Putin. This guy was always a bad guy, I mean russians.

Since the war started, I always believed the people of Russia would be against this war and get furious about it and would burn the political elites down. But nothing happens, a lot of people over there even support the war. And this really destroyed my opinion about them.

While I have never been a coffee person, I always rolled my eyes when someone ordered a decaf soya latte or something similar. "Come on, if you can't drink coffee then just don't".

...Then my friends got me to ditch dairy for oat (both for environmental reasons and the creaminess), then I had to accept the fact that I like it more sweet, then I tried salted caramel syrup, then I found out that two shots is like a hand grenade followed by two hours of misery, and I started drinking one shot caramel oat mochas. And then at my place I saw throngs of young moms who couldn't have caffeine.

Now you can't disgust me with your coffee order. If you like it with one and three quarters shot, macadamia milk, semi decaf, with mustard and marshmallow syrup then good for you. Also, let me try it.

EDIT: Coffee snobs: take it lightly. We are all different, and it's good. Some like the taste of coffee, some don't and they drink it out of sheer necessity, and if they must stay alert then at least they can make it taste better (for them). I'm sure there are some bean snobs out there who frown to the thought of putting spices on beans.

I used to hate chocolate as a kid and teenager. Turns out I hated Americanized chocolate like Hershey's.

Was a hardcore Libertarian till I finally read theory and realized how much Propaganda i had soaked up to think that Socialism was bad and unfettered Capitalism was good. Cringe so hard thinking about it now that I am a full blown Socialist.

I think in growing up I've become less prone to looking at everyone else in the world as an idiot. You know how when you're in your 20s and 30s, you're driving around flipping everyone off because you think everyone around you is an idiot and a know-nothing.

The older I've gotten the more I realize most people, most creatures in fact, are just bopping along trying to survive and get what they can from life. I guess I've gotten less judgmental and more empathetic, seeing most problems as a process problem, and not necessarily the result of a confederacy of idiots out there trying to ruin my life.

I was (or at least I thought I was) Libertarian when I was younger. I liked the idea of being left alone to do what I wanted as long as it didn't hurt anyone else. I still feel that way, but I'm a Liberal now, so first and foremost I want to ensure that everyone has an equal start and that everyone is taken care of.

Used to be atheist when I was young, after I read religious books I changed my perspective about it and now I am agnostic.

Now I believe atheism it's like a religion also

I used to think that there was hope for humanity. Now, in my late 50s, I'm realising we're fucked.

We've always been fucked by the mega rich that own and control everything but, with more and more people trying to survive here every day, things are getting exponentially worse.

There is no indication at all that any of these rich fucks have any appreciation of the fact that we can't grow indefinitely and we seem doomed to hit peak population (around the year 2100?) in Mad Max, rather than Star Trek, style.

I'm glad I won't be here to see it, but sad that my grandchildren probably will.

When I was in my late teens up to around 20 I still believed in God and religion. Looking back, largely to please my Mum.

My views changed because my brother was so dismissive about religion so I started to question it myself properly for the first time. I'd taken it for granted after being indoctrinated into Catholicism my whole life.

Once I started questioning and actually thinking about religion (rather than just accepting it as the dull background to my life) I moved fairly rapidly to become an atheist. I've never once doubted or regretted that change. I feel like it was a turning point in my life when I actually started looking around me and questioning everything, and developing as my own person.

I thought React was ok. It turned out to be terrible. Then I thought vanilla JS would be better. It turned out to be too verbose. Now I want to go back to jQuery.

Free speech... not absolutism per se, but I certainly had more faith in it than I do now.

The basic idea, that you should argue sensibly against points instead of censoring them, shutting them down or drowning them out, remains a good one. Censoring happens all the time, often for pretty shit reasons. The problem is that if your stance is "censorship is never acceptable", you assume people are reasonable, rational, informed about the subject matter and how civil discussions work, and not specifically looking to start shit.

When that's not the case, which is the vast majority of the time, the whole idea just doesn't work. It's too damn romantic and ignores some unfortunate facts about the human mind. People aren't rational by default. Not even about utter trivialities, let alone things that involve sense of self, values or strong feelings - all of which tend to bleed over into unrelated topics.

A lot of the idealists seem to have no understanding of how mere speech can actually damage individuals, groups and society as a whole. A lot of what's left just want to be able to say literally anything without repercussions, or as a "magic answer" instant knee-jerk defense to any criticism.

Eating animals. I used to be the Making-fun-of-vegans, I-will-never-be-vegan type of person until I realised that 1) I don't have to eat animals to be healthy and 2) if there is no need to do it, killing animals for taste pleasure is fucking evil.

Capitalism and markets
Anticapitalist views became compelling to me from the analogy between the state's governance and the governance of the firm. The contrast between the (officially) democratic nature of the state and the complete autocracy of private companies worried me. I was initially a market abolitionist when I become an anti-capitalist, but I found no sound explanation for how such an economy would work.

Now I am a pro-market anti-capitalist, an unusual position on the left

Many, many things.

I was an extremely pious and devout evangelical Christian, no longer am.

I was pro-life and am now solidly and rather aggressively pro-choice.

I was anti-LGBTQ, turns out I’m very queer myself.

I used to be very into guns and was one of the crazy 2A folks, now I’m much more reserved with regards to firearms.

I used to say ‘let’s glass (insert Middle East bogey man country of the day)’, but now see the nuances of the situation which are almost always that the US did something pretty damn shitty to kick the hornets nest.

There are a thousand social issues, pop culture lies, health and wellness myths, and so many more things that I’ve evolved on over the past 10 years that it’s mind boggling. I’m absolutely nothing like the person I was when I turned 30 ten years ago.

Traffic enforcement and red light cameras. I used to be very opposed to them, but I've since come to appreciate the absurdity of America's car central culture.

Additionally, traffic stops by police disproportionately effect minorities and lead to escalations and other issues, while taking away enforcement capacity from more important things.

I still don't think the cameras should necessarily be run by private, for profit entities. Nor would I really want cameras that ticket you if you go 1 mph over. But in general I'm much less opposed to the idea than I used to be.

That the most important thing is technical know-how.

You'll have to deal with a lot of difficult people in life. There is a huge difference if you get them to put your task on top of their todo list or on there bottom of the pile on their desk.