Ask Lemmy

I failed a professional certification. I learned from my mistakes, took it again a year later, and passed.

Had a good wallowing, thinking my life was over. Then slept on it. But yeah - just a refusal to let whatever it was be the end. And to continue not for others but for myself.

Failed college when I was around 18 or so. I wallowed for a bit, but eventually I developed a really strong drive to learn. I may have been dumb, but that doesn't mean I couldn't be smarter if I tried.

Long story short, I joined the Navy to go back to school to get my degree and now I have a fantastic job that's beyond easy.

But that drive to learn new stuff cannot by quenched now. I want to learn everything!

I fail at socializing every day. Only to try again later and fail again. You can only get yourself back up so many times.

If you aren't failing you aren't really working/learning.

Life is entirely built on failing, learning, moving onward, and doing it all over again. Every day.

If you are stressing out about failing, you are focused on the wrong thing.

I'd bet real money that the majority of stupid/unbearable/boring people you meet in life are the sort of people that never learn from their mistakes.

Yer gonna fail. It's happening right now. Learn something.

The last time I failed at something at it being 100% my fault, was when I had to turn in a report on a fictional hotdog stand. It was a report about how you keep it clean and stuff. I had gotten it ready and was all set for turning it in. So while eating lunch at i suddenly remember that I had forgotten. So I call the school and they say 'tough luck' and that i have to wait an entire month to try again.

Well, it turned out i could just turn in the same report, but I got an entire month extra up prepare, and defend it on the same day as my classmates. I never really understood how any of that worked.

So long story short, nothing bad happened

I had a six-month-long marriage. My ex-wife was not a nice person and everyone else could see it almost immediately, but I was swept away by how determined to be with me she was. It felt so good to have a woman who was attractive, successful, and very, very interested in me. Too good to be true, as it turned out. I'm not sure exactly what was wrong with her - something like borderline personality disorder? Once I committed to her, she became very jealous and would go from sweet to angry frequently and with no provocation. Although she only ever yelled at me, I was scared of her.

I've made mistakes in my life that were good for me because they were learning experiences. My marriage wasn't one of them - I wish that it had never happened. However, I did still learn from it:

1. Don't look down so much on people who make obvious, foolish mistakes. You might end up as one of them. I didn't think I was the kind of person who would ever get divorced but here I am...

2. Admitting that you made a big mistake feels terrible, but the real problem is the big mistake, not the admission of it. I was a fool to be married for just six months, but I would have been a bigger fool if I stayed in that marriage longer than that. I'm still ashamed that I married my ex, but I'm proud that I had the courage to leave.

3. Time does heal wounds. All my hopes and dreams about the future with her were garbage, my judgement was no better than that of a daytime talk-show guest, and my humiliation was known to every single person who was important to me, since they were all at my wedding. Then years passed, and while I still haven't spoken to some more distant relatives simply because I don't want to explain that I'm not with my ex-wife any more, I have in fact moved on with my life.

Sure, we fail.all the time. While I haven't been fired, I've been laid off twice, I've quit places, I've caused fires that gave me debts, I've realized I grew up in a cult and probably harmed people while doing so.

I'm going to paraphrase a book series I enjoy:

What is the most Important step a man must take? The next step. No matter how bad it gets, taking the next step is the most important.

FINALLY, something I can meaningfully contribute to.

I could give you a 'boo-hoo' story about how i failed to get into medical school the first time. Well I am. It was absolutely soul-crushing and morale-decimating. It was one of the hardest struggles I've ever had. It threw me into an identity crisis and compounded with my in-progress imposter syndrome in ways that would spark nothing but self-loathing and depression.

For months I agonized and isolated myself in my room until I realized that If I don't try for my own future, no one else can or will. Took a bit of self reflection to realize the fault lied with me. Took me an even longer time to figure out what mistakes killed my application, how, why, and formulate a plan to avoid repetition. The process took me 3 years. I won't tell you exactly how old I am, but people my age are getting married, buying houses, making 6-figure incomes, etc. By contrast, I am barely making minimum wage and banding together couch surfing and splitting rent with my friends.

It's tough not to compare myself to everyone else's situations. This was made worse by the fact my family and friends (maybe 45% of them) constantly shit talk me behind my back. Sometimes wine comes back up the grape-vine. Sometimes it isn't a sweet Rosso. I kept chugging along despite some of my friends and family acting as headwinds against me.

I kept up this process for 3 years, believing that I could actually do it. That maybe one day I won't be earning 10 dollars an hour working 50 hours a week. Most of all, I felt that I had a real purpose and goal to work toward. Medicine.

I am very proud to report to Lemmy that I actually got accepted to 5 different medical schools so far! I felt bad even turning down one offer for another.

How I got over my failure and crisis of identity? Maybe it was ego. Maybe it was my hurt pride. Maybe it was selfishness. Maybe it's because I am too stubborn to take "no" for an answer for something that means so much to me. I choose to believe that I worked hard for it and was able to swallow my pride and keep on chugging along patiently working for the light at the end of the tunnel.

Don't get me wrong, the light at the end of the tunnel is still an on-coming train. Medical school is hell. I realize it is nothing but hard work and suffering. Nothing would make me happier than to go into a field that makes a direct difference in people's lives.

TLDR: Medical school :D -> rejection D: -> depression D: -> epiphany :/ -> hard work :( -> a brighter future perhaps :).

This isn't a general formula or anything. I just haven't been able to talk to anyone about any of this. I feel that emptying out my feelings into the void of the internet might be kind of therapeutic. I never thought I'd share any of my deepest feelings on the internet, let alone reddit. Here, I feel comfortable to do so.

Plant the seed. Keep on watering. As long as the soil you choose to plant isn't salted, you will reap the rewards your past self has sown.

In spite I push onward.