this post was submitted on 01 Dec 2023
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[–] [email protected] 33 points 11 months ago

I guess this is me now.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 11 months ago

I fall poopy b-hole first onto the edge of my bathtub.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 11 months ago (1 children)

i am telefragged as my head is now inside of a table

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[–] [email protected] 20 points 11 months ago (2 children)

A bunch of people in here without something solid two feet to the left of them seem to be assuming that there is a perfect them-shaped vaccuum that they will be teleported into. That's not the case. There is air there, and you'll be just as dead as the guy sitting next to the family refrigerator.

Unless you are an astronaut currently in space, the only correct answer is "dying of multiple simultaneous embolisms, with or without widespread traumatic amputations, and 'gross dismemberment' (SFW, only text) from instantaneous pressure changes inside the body."

[–] [email protected] 12 points 11 months ago

Presumably, teleportation is a bidirectional process, and everything that was occupying the space you now take gets teleported to your previous position.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 11 months ago

Solution: telefrag everything.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 11 months ago (2 children)

My dog and I are now one. We have become, dogperson. All the bipedability of a person, with the infinite compassion of a dog. We are unstoppable.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 11 months ago

Well I am pretty sure that puts me in the concrete wall at work. I probably won't know, but my coworkers are going to need therapy for life.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 11 months ago

I'm inside a wall now

[–] [email protected] 16 points 11 months ago

I am outside in nothing but my underwear. It is cold and raining outside. The doors and windows are locked and i don't remember the garage code. No one is home to let me in for another hour or so. D:

[–] [email protected] 14 points 11 months ago (2 children)

I am now sitting on the exact same bench in the exact same position except two feet to the left

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[–] [email protected] 14 points 11 months ago

Dead I guess, bricked inside wall

[–] [email protected] 13 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (3 children)

I am now laying on my sister's bed instead of my own.

If this happened 10 minutes ago, I would be outside of my car on the highway and that would be bad.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 11 months ago (2 children)

And that is why you don't read lemmy while driving!

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

About half of my body is now occupying the same space-time position as my refridgerator.

I die almost instantly, the half that is left outside the fridge slumps to the floor and creates a gory mess for my partner to find.

Meanwhile, the other half of my mass is busy trying to occupy the same place as my refrigerator probably causes additional...effects. Does it explode? Does it just make a mess in the fridge? I will never know. Either way, it's safe to say my family is getting a new fridge.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

My ass hits the asphalt at 120km/h, not entirely sure I will still be capable of pooping from there after that.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 11 months ago

I’m pooping, so no bueno.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I'm midway through the wall and no longer on the toilet.

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 11 months ago

I'm falling down my apartment building's stairwell. Ow.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 11 months ago

I'm have been removed from my current chair and I'm now sitting in a different chair.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I'll be done worrying about work today, I tell you what.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 11 months ago

Part of me is outside, part is inside, and part is stuck in the wall.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 11 months ago

I fall out of my chair

[–] [email protected] 8 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I fall the two feet back onto the bed

[–] [email protected] 8 points 11 months ago (1 children)

Still In Bed Crew rise up!!!

..or not

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 11 months ago

Just squirted shit all over my neighbors floor

[–] [email protected] 7 points 11 months ago

Pooping in the shower. What else is new?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 11 months ago

in the next apartment's bedroom, which belongs to a 70 year old lady who insisted that I need to eat more fruits (she always has some fruits ready to give out every time she sees me).

[–] [email protected] 7 points 11 months ago (3 children)

My head and torso are inside my bedroom wall but my legs are not.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 11 months ago

So you're an NPC in an average AAA-game?

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I would be in my bed because I'm laying on my left side and have a thick bed

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 11 months ago

Me and another churchgoer now occupy the same space. I'm on my phone; I wonder what she did to deserve this.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 11 months ago

I fall on the ground

[–] [email protected] 6 points 11 months ago

Sitting on the right side of the couch, now sitting on the left side of the couch.... Merged with my dog. Very animorphs

[–] [email protected] 6 points 11 months ago

I'm now pooping outside for the neighbors to see... and probably fell over, bare-ass, struggling to figure out wtf just happened. And I'm locked out with a dirty bum; whyyyy!? Why have I been forsaken during my ~~phone~~ poop time?!

[–] [email protected] 6 points 11 months ago

I am now a part of my desk. On the plus side i can still reach the keyboard :)

[–] [email protected] 6 points 11 months ago

I am sitting in the empty bus seat next to me. This is a slight annoyance because I prefer sitting next to the window.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Pissing standing all over the floor.

Now if it were to the right, at least I would be pissing on the shower.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 11 months ago

Now I have 3 left feet?

[–] [email protected] 6 points 11 months ago

I've just been teleported out of bed horizontally. My lower half falls 2 feet but I hit my head on the nightstand on the way down and end up a crumpled mess on the floor

[–] [email protected] 6 points 11 months ago

Nothing, but my pets get a heart attack

[–] [email protected] 6 points 11 months ago

my legs are in the trashcan and I fall to the floor D:

[–] [email protected] 6 points 11 months ago

Id be nutted by a table leg then dropped on my ass.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 11 months ago (2 children)

Which way is left? I'm in my bed, leaning on my right side. Do I get teleported 12 cm up? Otherwise I get closer to the edge of the bed and almost fall over. Probably do, because my cushion isn't below my arm anymore

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 11 months ago

I’m now locked outside my running car. (I’m in park waiting to pick someone up, not lemmy-ing and driving!)

[–] [email protected] 5 points 11 months ago

I am now clipping through a cafe table, emotionally scarring the other patrons by dying from bifurcation in front of them

[–] [email protected] 5 points 11 months ago

I'm currently sitting in the leftmost seat of a bus, so I suppose I'll get injured pretty badly from colliding with the road at high speed, and possibly be run over by a car.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I'm taking a dump in my closet

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