Ask Lemmy

Gonna put this out there because nobody else has said it but you might want to glance over at @[email protected] and see how things relate to you. You are perfectly within your rights to be a lesbian if you would prefer that.

Be outgoing and funny and you’ll find what you need. Hell, most likely it’ll come to you. You wouldn’t want one of those chicks who fawn over those “masculine” man-children anyway.

There's someone out there for everyone. I wish you luck finding them.

I am the exact same way. Good on you for acknowledging it and recognizing it. I love romcoms, Jane Austen movies are some of my favorites, and ffs I literally made and mod the Taylor Swift community here. I'm very straight, but also in touch with my own emotions. All of masculinity says that I would never find a woman and that I'm doing everything wrong.

Except I've been married and ina committed relationship for well over a decade now. My wife loves that I'm open with who I am. (I took her to the Eras tour!).

Toxic males are sexist in many ways, but one is that they think of women as single thinking people. That women want hot guys with fast cars, and that you'll never get one without. That's like saying that all men like playing dnd, or all men want to drive a big truck. It's asinine. There are over 4 billion women on this planet, and a good many of them do not care what kind of truck you have. In fact, most of them would think you wasted your money on it.

No one is “normal” it doesn’t exist. It’s one big social hallucination. Look inside yourself and trust who you are. That is the most attractive thing I can think of. You are good.

Yeah, definitely. Women who love guys like that are more common than people think. I know a bunch. I married one. Stay upbeat and financially self-sufficient and you can find someone who's right for you. The idea that you have to be a tough guy to get dates has evolved from a misconception to a fucking psyops.

By the way, as a bi guy, I have never considered a man "adorable" or "a sweetheart" unless I thought I'd enjoy dating him. I must presume that women are often the same way.

As someone who is probably 3x your age and has been around the block a few times in some non-standard social circles, let me assure you there are plenty of women out there looking for exactly what you described yourself as. Are they the majority of , probably not, but who cares? You aren't looking to date 500 people, just 1.

Be yourself and go find her.

Hey I just want you to know I’ve been going through some really complicated identity stuff lately and your post was really therapeutic to read through. I think I underestimated how much toxic masculinity influences my confidence and comfort with my identity. Thank you for sharing this, I can’t wait for you to meet somebody who appreciates you for who you are. You are a man and I love the way you express yourself.

I was the exact same way in high school before I came out as trans and had no problem interacting with women and even had 2 romantically interested in me because I was soft and sweet. Stick with it and you'll find someone. Don't let other guys bully you into throwing it away, being true to yourself is a form of confidence and confidence is sexy.

I see no issue here. A man can absolutely be 'cute' without being any less of a man. Masculinity isn't about rugged looks, strength, dominance, or any of that shit. It's about self confidence (not arrogance, just being comfortable being yourself) and giving to others, both of which you seem to do well.

Honestly, I'm surprised you haven't found a partner to match you yet.

There are definitely women who like and appreciate a partner like that. Particularly, demi-sexual women would absolutely love a supportive and caring partner. Pansexual women could too. Many women may not realize they're demi or pan and don't usually advertise themselves as such, but they are there.

I myself don't act very masculine and don't relate well with other men. I identify as the gender apathetic flavor of non-binary. Not being masculine or feminine in mannorisms. I appear male, but like you, my mannerisms are gentle and caring. I definitely have had women friends see me "as a little brother" and cared about me in a platonic way... I don't know if there's a way out of that 😅... BUT they will help you find a date.

When I met my future wife, I let her know I wanted to date her before being friends but after being aquatinted. She appreciated my politeness and care and reciprocated it back. We've been married for 10 years now. Found out later she was demi-sexual. She didn't find me attractive at first (she didn't find anyone truly attractive), but she did as she loved me more.

You can, but overall women won’t appreciate it. For all the talk, nearly every couple you see outside is conventional.

So you’ll be looking at 1% of your dating pool, and having to find a suitable match from that reduced choice.