this post was submitted on 25 Aug 2024
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[–] [email protected] 63 points 2 months ago (4 children)

I'm going to be a lich.

I get the keep my mind and memories, so I'm not some dumb zombie going babbling "brrrrlll" here and there, seeking brains. I'm fairly powerful so I can pull out my own weight, enough to become the necromancer's right arm. And if it comes to the worst I can always backstab the necromancer and become the boss, as typically lichs have their own necromancy.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Objectively the best answer. Plus, as long as you hide your phylactery well, there's not much the necromancer can do to keep you in line.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 months ago

I'd expect my phylactery to be with the necromancer at the start, for exactly this reason. So I think that a lot of my job in my first days [years?] as an undead is to get their trust so I can: replace my phylactery with a copy, hide the original, and proclaim my independence.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 months ago (3 children)

You know you have to feed a soul to your phylactery like every few days. Who’s gonna get got?

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago (2 children)
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[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Do souls have sizes, like "you need at least the soul of a medium sized dog or pig"?

Because if every soul is worth equally much, just set an anthill on fire and be done for the foreseeable future.

Of course, as your next course of action, you should make up for the damage done to your local eco system, but that should be doable within the powers and lifespan of a lich.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

This EcoLich build definitely sounds like the way to go.

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[–] [email protected] 51 points 2 months ago (2 children)

A vampire. Since it’s a necromancer raising me, instead of another vampire, I won’t be enthralled and will have free will.
Then there’s all the wonderful abilities and the fact that I’ll still look good for an undead (it’s a pretty movie vampire, not one of those creepy ones)

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

First - pretty movie vampires were pretty humans before they got vampired. Second - why in the fuck would a necromancer raise a vampire with free will? Face it 'pretty' boy, you'll be stuck in a cave trying to kill adventurers who never visit. You'll be talking to rats after the first month of solitude. You'll lose your undeath virginity to a lost mountain goat. The first time a girl will be around your cave, she'll notice how it smells like a homeless man who hasn't changed his underwear in years and avoid the cave entirely. You'll feel like spiking yourself in the heart because you had gotten used to the smell, but you won't even be able to do that - you're a necromancer's minion. You have no choice in how you live or die. You're just a smelly guardian of an uninteresting cave.

I'll take undead drake. I'm doing some epic shit before I die, not just guarding some cave.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Those are a lot of assumptions you're making:

  • No one said the necromancer wanted a minion
  • No one mentioned anything about a smelly cave
  • I never said I'm a boy
  • Maybe I would love the solitude

Anyway, no one said that the necromancer needed a guardian for some smelly cave. I like to think the necromancer got lonely and just wanted a friend to chat with. Even if what you say is true, cave guarding is for low-level chumps like skeletons or ghosts. Vampires are middle-management at least :)

Also, how on earth can you tell me I have to look exactly like I did when I was alive - which is still pretty :P - while you apparently can transform from human corpse to a drake?
Following your rules, the necromancer would be trying to assemble a drake using human bones, creating some weird facsimile of a dragon. The "drake" would spend its time jumping out from behind rocks shouting "blergh", while falling apart at the slightest touch. Wishing some adventurer would put it out of its tortured existence instead of just pointing and laughing.

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[–] [email protected] 37 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago (1 children)

That appears to send shivers down my spine.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

That has made me shake and shudder in surprise.

[–] [email protected] 37 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Wasn't that how Mitch McConnell was born?

[–] [email protected] 23 points 2 months ago (1 children)

He's more of a turtle golem.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 months ago

He's a master of disguise

[–] [email protected] 29 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Whatever type Jesus was. Folks seem to like that kind of undead.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago

Undead Deity is in fact a great answer to the question.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 2 months ago (3 children)
[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 months ago
[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

Agrajag, is that you?

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[–] [email protected] 19 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

So any animal is fair game? In which case, dodo. You MFs ate us into oblivion, I'm gonna come back with species worth of pent up rage and an undead thirst for blood.

Edit: in retrospect I now realise a dodo would be super easy to send back to the underworld :-(. I'm gonna be... checks deadliest thing notes, a car.

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 months ago (1 children)

I know it's probably too on brand, but maybe some kind of monstrous wolf hell beast thing. Maybe with a skull as a head and dripping flesh.

If I'm going to be a mindless killing machine, may as well have some fun with it. Better than being a slow shambling skeleton or zombie at any rate.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

"oh no, not again"

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 months ago

Lich would be fun

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 months ago

I'll be that guy, and say abomination. The more twisted the better. Like a mouth in my belly, extra arm on my back kind of twisted. I'll learn to enjoy striking terror in my victims' hearts. Afterlife will be dope.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 2 months ago

Lich. The power that other famous examples like Darth Cheney and Henry Kissinger had is just too tempting.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 months ago

Ghostflame Dragon.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Jesus, for sure. Not that he came back.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 months ago

Something non-sentient please, I was enjoying nonexistence

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago

I'm pretty lazy, so... spectre. Having no body to haul around will make things easier.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago

If you disregard supernatural powers of undead, it's different depending on who you ask anyway, I'd go with a skeleton.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 months ago (1 children)

If I'm an undead undead, do I get to live?

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago
[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago

Wraith, so that I can go through walls, carry a big-ass scythe, and upgrade from generating Fear to generating Terror, so I can exploit that juicy morale penalty even if the enemy unit is immune to Fear.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago (3 children)

A capybara in a remote location that won't see human development within my new lifetime. Just chillin' with my interspecies homies.

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[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago

I'd come back as a wraith, preferably shadow of mordor / war style with domination powers.

Otherwise, a lich assuming I could have lich magic and evolve

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago

Ghost. Flying, intangibility, spooky telekinesis ... Sounds great.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 2 months ago (2 children)

The painkiller thing where you can tear off your head and throw it at someone and then still control it well enough to bite them

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

I'd go as more-or-less human ala the movie Warm Bodies. Just because I'm dead doesn't mean I can't have a nice romantic fling!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

What is this? Some kind of druid / necromancer dual class?

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[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago

Darksign'd undead. Sure I'll hollow out eventually, but for now lets do some jolly co-operation.

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