Ask Lemmy

Seems like a great time to invest in some therapy

Go outside. Not in a "go touch grass" way. Explore new places and fill your days with variety and sunlight if you can. If you can't make the time pass quickly you can at least make it more interesting. And sitting depressed in a park is a lot nicer than sitting depressed at home.

If you're already running, vary your route a bit, or spend some time in the middle of your run sitting outside for a bit.

I don't expect it to fix anything, I've heard enough of the "just try this and you'll feel better" bullshit. But I hope it would at least help mix up your days a little.

Podcasts maybe? That's my most braindead activity. It's an easy thing to do in bed while trying to sleep too.

Time also goes by faster at night if youre tired so getting some exercise during the day might help.

Good luck, hope things pick up for you soon.

Getting books from the library to read?

Just fill your time by being the guy who replies “unfortunately this niche group of people I don’t belong to can’t use your advice” on every ask post reply. Some people really get a thrill out of it.

Like for instance if someone asks how they can stay hydrated and somebody replies water you could say “unfortunately some people don’t have access to clean water”, and then just let the upvotes roll in because it’s technically true. It’s going to make you feel worse in the short term because you’ll know what you’re doing, but you won’t recognize that right away or maybe ever so it’s probably a viable strategy for a month.

Why the oddly specific time period? Is something happening in a month, or are you doing something so that you won't feel like this in a month?

I'm severely depressed and unmotivated as well. I watch a lot of TV. When I get sick of that, I make 3D wooden puzzles, like these dinosaurs. They take about 30-60 minutes each, and when you're done, you've got a dinosaur! Rawr!

Start a project doing something that allows you to enter a flow state. Could be programming, woodworking, knitting, anything you can reasonably do with your interests and budget. If you can find something that holds your attention it will delete time.

I think it's generally agreed that repeated experiences are a good way of making time pass faster: your brain recognises a situation and says "I'm not needed here; I'll fast-forward to something more challenging". Binge TV you've already seen. When I was in your situation I listened to a lot of radio plays, audio books and podcast series.

Do keep running and exercising. Can you ride a bike? Building up some familiar routes might help pass the time in a healthy way.

I am sorry to hear that you're feeling low. It's the new epidemic. Hang in there and I do hope life gets more enjoyable in time.

If you can't sleep and are trying to kill time anyway, why not look into something like mindfulness meditation? It might help you keep some of those anxious thoughts in check to the point where you can actually focus on something to take your mind off of whatever is causing your issues.

I'm sure it's not for everyone, but it helped me a lot when I was at my worst.

Also, you indicate that your anxiety and depression are due to some personal issues (which it sounds like will no longer be an issue in a month). If I'm understanding that correctly, that sucks for the time being but I'm glad to hear it has an expiration date. If those are feelings you deal with chronically, however, and you have the means to do so, I highly suggest trying to find professional help. The right meds can make an absolute world of difference, and talk therapy can help you straighten out how you approach those feelings.

Whatever route you take, I hope this passes for you soon and you start to feel so much better. Those feelings suck, but life can absolutely get better.

Walks. Walking past trees and other natural objects helps the mind process thoughts and emotions, from what I heard. Maybe even not just natural objects.

It engages everything, I suppose. The body and the mind.

Supposedly helps you get over stuff.

I can't vouch for it myself, but worth giving it a go if it does work. Couldn't hurt. Good luck, friend!

In combination with the exercise it sounds like you're doing anyway, have you tried a bit of Yoga and a bit of listening to meditative sounds before/during bed/sleep/end of day? You may have tried similar things already, but if not, maybe worth a go? It's not going to pass/waste time as such, but might put you into a better position to stop your mind racing with negativity, especially in that crucial pre-sleep phase.

Particularly looking at "Yoga for Anxiety" or "Yoga for Mental Health" type things, moreso than general strength and fitness Yoga. You'll find a bunch online. You might find something like this Yoga Healthcare Alliance 10 Week Course works for you (it's promoted by the UK's NHS for some conditions). It's focusing on basic de-stressing, de-tensing muscles, breathing focus, and may help you feel calm and relaxed - which may give you a good nights sleep - which could potentially do wonders for beginning to recover.

I'd also suggest combining it with some "sleep headphones" - a fabric headband with some really flat headphone speakers inside it - then listen to a combination of "meditation for anxiety" or "8 hours deep sleep ambient soundscape" type things whilst you lie there.

Ideally you'd do the Yoga sat on your bed, then drop straight into something like "a nice man tells you you're great and everything will be fine" followed by some sort of "inner peace meditation that lasts 8 hours or longer". Obviously, you'll find your own preferred voices/sounds. I've also used white noise style "starship engine sound" or "on a night train" audio.

If you watch them on your phone with "Newpipe", you can save them as videos or just as audio files - which you can then set up as playlists in VLC. No point in downloading the same thing every night.

This whole set of things might not work for you at all, but if you're up for hours anyway, what do you have to lose?

Personally, I found this process helped me massively on my way out of a similar patch (combined with exercising more, quitting caffeine for a while, CBT therapy - it was a multiple angle approach).

Regardless, I wish you luck and pass you my best wishes in your recovery.

Learn to crochet. It's not hard to learn, aside from some people whose brains are wired a bit different, and it doesn't cost much to get into. Eats up a lot of time for larger projects, and you can kinda watch tv or listen to radio/audiobooks while doing it.

MMORPG's. Do you have a favorite?

Have you tried duolingo? It's pretty fun and sucks you in.

Or learning a craft or instrument? I've wasted a lot of time watching YouTube video lessons for ukulele, bongos, and cajon. Right now I'm stuck on videos of people trying to make DIY coolers better than yeti or homemade air conditioners. I love a good science fair project!

Do more things, start doing something at home that will take a long time and keep doing it until you're so tired you can't keep going.

So you're having trouble relaxing before bed?

I would recommend either finding a book you like to read before bed, or perhaps if you are so inclined, doodle or sketch. Something that requires focus, but isn't intense, so you will still be able to tell when your body is ready to rest.

Pencil and paper are dirt cheap. Write, or draw.

Listen to books if reading is to much. Theres audio books or programs that will convert ebooks to audio. Either way i think if you take a story, like harry potter for example and go through the book in a day or 2. So that series itself will give you at least a week of chilling.

I hurt my foot a couple years ago and really needed to stay in bed all day, books made it so easy.

Do therapy (individual or group) sessions. Meanwhile find rabbit holes (like self hosting if you are techo) but knowing that you need to work on the anxiety and depression . Obsessions well used, for our kind, is a excellent weapon . But could be a ruin .

Audiobooks+ some other mindless activity shuts my brain off really well. Find a series you love that your library has and pick up a new sudoku or other puzzle app and go to town.

If you're having trouble finding books I recommend a long sci fi or fantasy series. The Expanse is great, or Dune is also fantastically long. If fantasy is more your style maybe someone can recommend something but I know the wheel of time has a ton of books.

As for mindless things to do while you listen to audiobooks, either find a puzzle game or pick something up to do with your hands that requires few materials and is calming and productive. Here are a few that work for me:

Coloring (you can print out free coloring pages from the Internet like the ones here: https://www.crayola.com/free-coloring-pages/adult-coloring-pages/)

Color by number

Crochet or knitting (lots of good online tutorials and making a scarf is a good first project)

Modeling clay (just reuse the same clay over and over again if you want to save money/supplies)

Yoga

Walking on a treadmill or riding an exercise bike

Weightlifting with free weights at home

Tai chi

Best of luck, I know this type of thing is tough. Try to stick to regular wake/sleep cycles as much as possible and get outside during the day if you can, it definitely helps. Sending hugs and hoping things get better soon.

Some people take Baldrian before bed in Germany. You can (probably) get it without a prescription. It has a calming effect that might help you, without going down the road of stronger medicines.

Would you consider volunteering at an animal shelter? Doing good for others helps you feel less bad about yourself.

I take melatonin so I can sleep instead of lying awake with my thoughts

throw on some music to keep my mind occupied until I start falling asleep

When I need to sleep and can't, my go to is a relatively mindless game that I've gotten exceedingly good at automating my way through. Something like Sudoku, solitaire (specifically Klondike), or something. Usually on a digital device so I don't have to move too much to play and I don't have to worry about physical cards, shuffling, etc.

If it's a particularly bad night I can pair that with some music. I find either ambient trance or something similar, to be the best for this. One of my favorite "go the fuck to sleep" albums is called "Dreamland" by Robert Miles (may he rest in peace). Alternatively, I find nature/rain/thunderstorm sounds to be particularly calming for me, though YMMV. The calm pitter-patter of raindrops falling seems to really put me in a sleeping mood.

Combining these generally gets me ready to snooze the fastest. The other option I have is mediation, but you need to be practiced at getting into the right headspace for it to be effective. Meditation isn't really what you're after since you have said that basically sitting around with nothing going on is when you start to panic, which is generally how mediation begins, so I'm not sure it will be super helpful.

The only additional advice, which is a bit of an offshoot from the mediation thing, is that trying to not think is a contradiction. You can't try not to do something; unless you have some issues with impulse control, the "act" of not doing something is the antithesis of trying. You can't try to clear your mind, you clear your mind by not thinking, if you're thinking about clearing your mind, then that's a thought which, if present, precludes you having a clear mind.

You have to stop thinking, not just try to put things out of your mind, but stop all active thought and analysis. It is way easier to say, than it is to do, and I wouldn't pretend it's easy at all. I learned how to do this through meditation, and it's a fat departure from how you normally operate mentally, and not an easy thing to achieve. One of the strategies I've used is when your brain assaults you with a thought, you recognise it's existence, but refuse to interact/engage/analyse it at all, and just let that wash over you, and into oblivion. Again, easier said than done. Not allowing your thoughts to latch onto ideas and allowing your mind to be quiet, without commenting on, about, or examining every passing thought, does not come naturally.

I think of it a bit like this: take the example of your mind being a street in a busy city, every individual on the street is an independent thought you might engage with. This idea is a bit like sitting by yourself and watching everything around you without getting involved. Someone walks past screaming about some topic, like how the world is going to end and you just watch them walk by and don't comment on the matter. You recognise they're there, you just don't get involved. Your passive demeanor does not and should not imply you either agree, nor disagree with their statements or viewpoint, you are just present, observing them making a scene. Eventually they move on to yell about it in another location and you give it no further thought.

I hope that makes sense. Of course, modern society with all the social interactions we have, whether online or in person, always gives us the option to engage in discussion about everything and we're often encouraged to do so. People will outright ask for your opinion when having IRL conversations at times, which is a prime example of this conditioning. If you're able to break away from the need to have an opinion on everything and anything that crosses your path, and value people's opinions exactly as much as required, which isn't much, then you can break free, and you don't have to bother yourself with everyone's opinion and making yours heard. IMO, there's no value in sharing your opinion, especially when the recipient of that opinion has their own opinion which obviously will not change based on what you could say, so why bother even having one? It takes mental effort and time away from what's important to you to engage in such trivialities, when the outcome is unaffected by anything you think or say. Why invest the time and effort having an opinion when nobody cares what your opinion is enough to for it to have any impact on what happens? This isn't a value statement about you or your opinion, this is a value statement about any would be recipient of your opinion, they don't care, that's a problem, but it's a problem for them to solve; your opinion is valid, and if they can't see the validity in your opinion, why waste your time and effort creating one just so they can ignore it.

You cannot control the actions of others. You can't change what they care about. Both of these things are issues that the opposing individual must address about themselves, that you have no way to change about them. Save yourself the grief, and just don't bother with it. It sounds like you have enough on your plate, you don't need to add their crap to your pile.

With all that being said, it's a radical departure from the accepted social "norm" so it's a lot of stuff that's easier said than done. I'm sorry that you are going through this. I don't know all the details and I don't have the answers; but I've been though some rough shit, and it always sucks. I value you and your opinion, so if you want to reply, I'll be happy to hear anything you wish to share. IMO, it sucks right now but the fact that you're reaching out to anyone for help is a positive sign. Do not be afraid to ask for the help you require, it is not a sign of weakness to need help, it is a sign of strength and character to recognise that you require assistance and you are willing to ask for that assistance. It's brave and demonstrates a strong understanding of when you are unable to handle things alone.

We all need a little help sometimes. If you want to DM me, to inquire further on anything I've said, or to simply rant/vent, or if you just want to chat about technology (or literally anything) as a means of distraction, I'm happy to oblige. I believe my matrix account is linked to Lemmy, so that's also an option.

All the best OP.

How about chess? I know you said you are not really looking for video games, but chess to me is a bit different to video games.

I had a similar problem to you a few years ago during Covid. I was very stressed and lonely and didn’t know what to do with myself. I am completely addicted to chess now. To the point that I play for like 4-8h a night sometimes. Time passes fast, especially in the shorter time modes. And if you are looking for a more low stakes, slow paced distraction you can play correspondents chess and think about your next move for 1.5 hours.

Bonus: if i tell people that i play chess for over an hour every day, they often assume i am a genius, even tho I’m just a 800 elo idiot like most people

My suggestion is to spend maybe half an hour in the evening learninga new hobby/skill, then when you're in bed go over what you learnt in that half hour in your mind to cement it. You'll find that just running over the knowledge in your mind induces the "counting sheep" effect and will help you drift off to sleep.

If it doesn't work, then at least you'll learn a new skill much quicker!

Have you thought of practicing a sport in a club / team? I find that it's a good way to focus on something else than my issues and it helps to socialize.

I have a few suggestions that have helped me!

One is doing puzzles, physical or video games. I like problem solving a lot since it keeps me from ruminating. Sometimes it feels really good to work on a jigsaw puzzle and just zone out with some music.

Knitting and crochet is another. Just be careful with your hands and neck if you're doing it for a long time. There's some great tutorials online and you can into it pretty cheaply with inexpensive yarns. Plus, you'll end up with a neat blanket/scarf.

Complex cooking is another option. If you like food, try making some of the cuisines you love at home. The research and actual time into making stuff from scratch is intense. People who bake fancy bread end up spending a lot of time perfecting recipes.

I would take a class if I were you. Not necessarily at a college but an art, cooking, or dancing class. Whatever you’re into. You mentioned running so maybe try to train for a marathon (or whatever your distance is).

The only other way I know of time traveling is brown liquor and you definitely don’t want to go that route if you’re depressed and lonely. A class will help you meet new people too.

I ran some trail and road marathons when I was younger and trail runners are always super interesting and a bit nuts in a good way. It’s a solo hobby at times but there is a community. Trail running isn’t about your time since every trail is different. No one really compares anything except distance and even then, finding a cool trail is more important. So, it tends to be about the process rather than the outcome.