When things go right: "WHAT ARE WE PAYING YOU FOR?!?"
When things go wrong: "WHAT ARE WE PAYING YOU FOR?!?"
this post was submitted on 29 Apr 2024
1177 points (99.4% liked)
Programmer Humor
19817 readers
47 users here now
Welcome to Programmer Humor!
This is a place where you can post jokes, memes, humor, etc. related to programming!
For sharing awful code theres also Programming Horror.
Rules
- Keep content in english
- No advertisements
- Posts must be related to programming or programmer topics
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
The secret to a healthy career in IT is to let things break just a little every once in a while. Nothing so bad as to cause serious problems. But just enough to remind people that you exist and their world would come crumbling down without you.
Especially if its a system that you have told management needs to be replaced but they aren't interested in spending the money..
I get really fucking tired of justifying work. Like, I have delivered every single project I've ever been given ahead of schedule. But every time a new project comes up, higher level managers want all these update meetings to check up on the status, discuss risk factors that might prevent it from being delivered, and a bunch of other bullshit. You're the risk factor, motherfucker, you and your meetings. Get the fuck out of my way and I'll deliver it ahead of schedule just like literally every other project I've ever been in charge of. Quit feeling that you need to be involved! You don't. You're a road block that provides no value. Ugh!
Big mood. It is fucking exhausting explaining basic tech concepts to stakeholders over and over.
If you're ignoring all the risk factors, got no contingency plans or measurements against projected time and budget you have delivered everything on time and budget by luck.
If you already have those, those meetings should absolutely be a 30 min weekend meeting to check on status and what else you may need to keep delivering.
I know they should be 30 minutes per week. But they're not, and that's the frustration. A weekend meeting though? I have a feeling that we may perceive work-life balance differently.
Sorry, that was weekly. Weekend can fuck off if you're on schedule.
Acting like the user won't just break things for you, welcome to IT, you must be new.
Where I'm from we call that Laissez-faire IT
And also install Adobe reader.
When you work in security and your department gets cut because "there haven't been any attacks in 5 years"
Sounds like it's time to give a little insider info on the company network to hacking groups.
It's not even necessary, they will find everything on their own
Just turn down the firewall for 30s and they find a way in...
More like they ignore all your suggestions and then blame you when they inevitably get hacked.
Would be a fun series to watch, wizards trying to run a functioning castle under a king who doesn't understand the importance of anything magical.
Well, fun for me. Might be some high blood pressure and early heart attacks for IT folks who have to live it.
"A dragon has never attacked the castle. Why do we even have a wizard?"
"A dragon is attacking the castle. Why do we even have a wizard?"
BBC series Merlin was a little like this. King Uther hated magic, Prince Arthur was kinda against it because he was told it was dangerous, but didn't exactly hate it himself. Meanwhile Merlin took a job as a servant, doing magic-y things to protect him. Wasn't a great series (writing), but it had enjoyable aspects.
I mean, it got 5 full seasons. It wasn’t terrible by any means.
Having a lot of seasons means it was popular enough to warrant them. Not that it's quality. One would hope they correlate but IDK how well it actually does. You've got plenty of people who say the Big Bang Theory is shit and it ran for 11 seasons. As someone who watched it I'd say it was no better than average.
I say this as someone who knows little more about this show other than it exists.
In 2017, I jumped ship to a new job as they were transitioning to cloud server everything. The genius CTO (who was the owners wife) pushed for it, quoting they can save a lot of money.
Then she fired half the IT staff.
Two years later and a few major security hacks/ransomware events, they had to hire even more IT folks to unfuck their cloud setup.
I had something like this happen at a corp I once worked at. The CTO said they were going to outsource their entire datacenter and support staff to India.
I literally laughed in his face and obviously, got fired (always have 6-8 months of salary as an emergency fund, ahem-).
I won't name the company but when half the Internet went down and a few major services? Yeah, it was that asshat driving and running between the datacenters realizing people in Bangladesh can't do shit for you physically.
It's like that graph: "Say we want to fuck around at a level 8, we follow this axis, and we're going to find out at around a level 7 or 8"
I visited a company that outsourced its IT to India. We were delayed 24 hours because the guy who could whitelist our computer on their network was asleep. It was the middle of the night where he lived.
Two years
A few major events
My god, they must've really fucked up their shit
Not a difficult task to not secure a cloud setup. And if it's publicly reachable, you will quickly find yourself involuntarily participating in an automated vulnerability scan.
It's great, just give your cloud servers public IPs and you get tons of completely free vulnerability scans! This life hack has saved me tens of thousands of dollars in pentesting.
Not really, it’s really amazing how fast things to go shit if you just stop patching or don’t follow best practices
Ah actually that's a typo. I meant to say "A few years.." implying around 2020-2021. Sorry about that.
Digital karma.
When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.
Damn you, the photo didn't load and I thought I'd be the first one. Time to start my own comment chain, with blackjack and hookers.
That's a common reporting problem, there have been no "successful" attacks, you show value/work by making sure to note all the unsuccessful ones.
Prints a 10m scroll daily containing automated probes and attacks
Weekly report that says XXXX attempted/failed attacks of X type, of y type, etc. and the ability to produce the 70m scroll and generally talk about the stuff on request.
Unironically it might work. Have a filing cabinet with all the attacks that you can point too.
My current company's IT team does not know what CAMM RAM is, does not recognise an nvme ssd inside a laptop, and still talk to us like we're idiots. I hope you guys here are better than them!
CAMM RAM is nowhere near mainstream yet so that's understandable. NVME should be known though.
Don't forget to praise them every day for your company not spontaneously combusting.
Yeah, its specification was finalised only 6 months ago.
I don't even think there's a laptop that uses it yet
Hell, even Dell who came up with the standard chose to switch to soldered memory on the brand new XPS laptops instead of using their own CAMM standard ^because ^money.
load more comments
(2 replies)
load more comments
(1 replies)
Oh but it did burn down too! Turns out that installing Microsoft product on everything does not protect you from cyber attacks (rather the opposite).
But now I'm protected from the very dangerous UDP packets the machines we sell send, much safer.
The worst. Our IT is outsourced to some bottom-of-the-barrel garbage company, and they both have no idea what they are doing and work in a different timezone, so you have to wait a working day for responses like ‘did you try turning it off and on again?’. Everyone just emails the head of IT with their issues, which defeats the whole point of the system.
Same. At some point, I learned that the bottom-of-the-barrel garbage company, that does our IT support, is apparently one of the most successful IT support companies on the planet.
I guess, the way to get there, is to not actually provide IT support. You just have to get paid for it.
Yea, hire a bunch of underpaid undertrained peons to take support calls from the rest of your underpaid untrained peons. If an exec has a problem they get to bypass the helpdesk and go straight to someone that knows what they're doing so they never see how bad things are. $$$
I'd say that's a day in the life of a sysadmin, no?
Same thing with why do I need to pay someone to do maintenance my car, kitchen, AC, whatever works perfectly well.
Also why should we pay developers to do stuff like dependency upgrades and other maintenance or software just runs™
MFs don't appreciate proper wizardry anymore 😤
Manga: "Because I, the True Saint, Was Banished, That Country Is Done For!"
view more: next ›