this post was submitted on 14 Mar 2024
1831 points (98.8% liked)

Programmer Humor

32380 readers
1347 users here now

Post funny things about programming here! (Or just rant about your favourite programming language.)

Rules:

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 95 points 7 months ago (1 children)

idk man I say just push it to production anyway

[–] [email protected] 16 points 7 months ago (1 children)

You must have been in charge when I was built. I've still got security issues, memory leaks, and there's a major known issue where under certain conditions I continue to work but stop providing any feedback or messaging.

If you could have your team at least address the resource management issue I'd be grateful.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 85 points 7 months ago

just tag yourself as "early-access" and suddenly everyone will forgive your flaws.

[–] [email protected] 61 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Don't get yourself an alpha male, get yourself a 1.0.4-ubuntu3 male.

[–] [email protected] 35 points 7 months ago (2 children)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 10 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (2 children)

Yeah! Gotta find those Long Term Stable (LTS~~L~~) life partners!

[–] [email protected] 8 points 7 months ago

Marriage is the 10 year support window

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 31 points 7 months ago (1 children)

If you have to constantly tell people you're the king, you're not really the king.

[–] [email protected] 17 points 7 months ago (4 children)

"Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government"

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] [email protected] 28 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I just hear that they're so insecure they need to define themselves by someone else's deeply flawed version of better, instead of just being themselves and acknowledging what they like.

It's like asking what's the best colour, and someone answers "black, because it consumes all the other colours"

[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Funny enough, at least with the light spectrum, black is devoid of color and white is the combination of all colors.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 7 months ago (2 children)

So how come when I mix all my watercolors I get brown?? Checkmate atheists

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 26 points 7 months ago (3 children)

This is how I feel every time I see an overpowered "prototype" weapon in a video game that works better than the standard version.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (2 children)

This is how I feel every time I see an overpowered "prototype" weapon in a video game that works better than the standard version.

Agreed!

There's is a bit of clever game design in Deep Rock Galactic, which I hope catches on:

The default load out for new players is almost unarguably the best possible load-out, for that class, in the game.

As players progress, they can unlock more entertaining while objectively worse equipment, to amuse and challenge themselves.

And, I mean, of course we do. It's hilarious because some truly challenging gameplay emerges.

And when it's kicking my butt, I at least realize I chose that challenge for myself. I had the option to bring the good equipment that I started with, after all.

And it puts new players on more even footing with veterans. I tend to make easy missions with newbie friends harder on myself by bringing truly silly equipment load outs. It usually turns out fine, and when it goes badly for me, they feel good for rescuing a veteran. Or it goes sideways and I apologize and make slightly better equip choices for the next try.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Rock and stone, my friend ⛏

[–] [email protected] 6 points 7 months ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 16 points 7 months ago

I assume the excuse usually is that the prototype was unstable, so they had to 'tone it down'. But of course, you as the awesome hero man can control it!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago

It needs a flaw to be fun; there has to be a problem that made it unfit for production and the solution lowered the power. Too inefficient, too inaccurate, too big, too unsafe, too unreliable. Make it a fun thing the player can play around so it's a sidegrade rather than an upgrade

[–] [email protected] 23 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Gonna wait for a stable male.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 7 months ago

LTS males for the win!

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 23 points 7 months ago

Considering the alpha wolf myth originates from observing a stressed out wolf population in captivity, unable to live out their fulfilling wolfy lives, the emergence of purported "alpha males" is an oddly appropriate indicator of what three decades of neoliberalism has done to our wellbeing.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 7 months ago (2 children)

The "alpha/beta" meme was invented by rightwing think tanks in the late 2000's/early 2010's to promote their ideology of rigid social-hierarchies where people at the top are allowed to impose and abuse people of lower social station with impunity, and to police and control the behavior of heterosexual men (it ain't just the LGBTQ's that get their gender-expression policed, ohhh no no no.)

[–] [email protected] 14 points 7 months ago (2 children)

It's important to note that the entire idea about Alpha males is based on a long-discredited theory that was itself based on flawed observations.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

It wouldn't even matter if it was "right". The idea of looking to wolves for models of ideal human behavior is wrong for like 17 different reasons, even if it were technically true as a description of wolf behavior.

P.S. why do AlphaBros specifically look at wolves, or lobsters, to instruct us on social hierarchy? There are so many other animals, those seem pretty random choices. And pretty far afield from humans. Wouldn't you at least want something more proximate to us humans on the evolutionary tree? Heck, why not just use humans as a reference point?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago (2 children)

P.S. why do AlphaBros specifically look at wolves, or lobsters, to instruct us on social hierarchy? There are so many other animals, those seem pretty random choices. And pretty far afield from humans.

Because other animal choices don't validate the rightwing ideology that places them at the top, which is their entire goal in the first place.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 7 months ago

Yes, and the man who proposed the theory retracted it later, saying it would be like basing human behavioural theory on observations made in a supermax prison.

That actually makes sense that these losers would venerate it, since the behaviours they idolise are very like what you’d see in prisons: machismo instead of real manhood, narcissism and subjugation instead of empathy, and hatred instead of compassion.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 7 months ago (4 children)

Yup. I've had more than a few people claim I had to "give up my man card" because I love musicals, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Sex in the City.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Your man card wasn’t forfeited, it’s gilded. Only real men can appreciate art.

Have you seen Sondheim’s Into the Woods? It’s a masterpiece. It’s on Prime if you haven’t seen it. It stars Chip Zien, Bernadette Peters, Joanna Gleason, Tom Aldredge, and other big names. I’d like to see anyone say Zein, Aldredge, and Sondheim aren’t ‘real men’.

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 18 points 7 months ago (5 children)

TIL I'm an alpha male. ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

load more comments (5 replies)
[–] [email protected] 12 points 7 months ago (1 children)

I dunno what version software is at the 'sigma' state but they're broken too.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 7 months ago* (last edited 7 months ago) (1 children)

EOL, they're stuck, no updates, nothing fresh, their flaws are open, known and won't be fixed and if you get them, they're a seriously risk to your safety.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 7 months ago

Abandonware

[–] [email protected] 11 points 7 months ago

Ugh, I am not looking forward to sweaty meatheads calling themselves “Golden Masters”…

[–] [email protected] 11 points 7 months ago (1 children)

And the original concept, as it pertains to wolves, is evidently not a thing. So if we're just saying things, the software metaphor is as good as any other.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 11 points 7 months ago (4 children)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 7 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 7 months ago

damn bleeding edge males

[–] [email protected] 5 points 7 months ago

FULL release 💪🏻

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 10 points 7 months ago

I don't trust anyone not using semver.

A whole train of thought happened in my head here about transitioning and semver.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 7 months ago (2 children)

What’s beta then? Be gentle on the product, working out all the kinks.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 7 months ago (2 children)

More stable, has all the required features, but can break down without warning with cryptic messages about what's wrong. Needs a little more testing and development before moving into the real world. So basically...teenagers.

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 7 months ago

I'm invite only. If you're very curious maybe somebody can forward you an access email.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 7 months ago

The only difference between alpha and release is the fixes needed to get through a sales demo.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 7 months ago

Don't forget, you can name your release versions, even alphas. "Babydick," "Cuntosaurus" and "PhatTwat" are good options here

[–] [email protected] 6 points 7 months ago

i will never hear "alpha male" the same from now on.

but you are right!😂

[–] [email protected] 6 points 7 months ago (2 children)

Love stable males, gotta be my favourite gender

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments
view more: next ›