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I sell things for a living. I only tell the truth, and I make sure to give all information that is relevant to health and safety, and I try to avoid any situation where someone could say after the fact that they didn't realize there would be an additional charge. After that, it's all fair game.
Body mirroring, nodding slightly when asking questions you want them to agree to, code-switching, listing my preferred choice last in a list of three things, these are the basic techniques.
Next level up is the perception-altering stuff: "we" have a problem but "I" have a solution; if I know they're happy, saying "I'm so glad you liked my recommendation"; instead of "how is it?" asking "how are you enjoying it?"; taking personal credit for all good feelings they have during our interaction (gotta be subtle about this, but it's very effective); acting like they're doing me a favor (people like those they've done favors for more than those who do favors for them... it's monkey-brain social status thing).
For me, this is just Tuesday.
The double-extra stuff comes out for job interviews. I will alter my speech patterns and hairstyle to give the impression that I'm a decade younger. I will tailor my anecdotes to sound like I'm either single or newly attached, with no kids, and vaguely imply that I'm homosexual if the vibe isn't too conservative.
Are you neurotypical? Because this sounds like the advanced version of what autistic people have to do to fit in.
I'm not autistic but I am ADHD. I do a lot of code switching. I worked with a new Dominican guy last week. My Spanish is bad, his English is perfect, but I mapped out in my head how to say something good about Dominicans in Spanish, and had a couple responses ready depending on how that went.
He thinks I'm a great teacher. I am, but that Spanish thrown at him suddenly while we sat together... who knows? He's not important to me for money or social reasons, I just want him to be cool with the job, to succeed, and reach out to me if he has problems.
I run simulations of how interactions could go and have conversational threads planned to at least A to B when I have time to prepare. It's not like I'm bad at socializing, I just prefer being alone or with my wife. Right now I'm totally by myself, my wife is away, I'm drinking beer with our cats. It's perfect for me.
I strongly suspect that I have ADHD, but a lifetime of masking makes it difficult to be professionally evaluated.
You will be able to be evaluated as an adult. I have other brain problems, and when I went to my psychiatrist she said in house evaluation wouldn't be covered by my insurance. So I went to a hole in the wall joke of a facility, filled out forms, had a 5 minute intake then got put on what I now know is an out of date computer test.
They got back to me with a phone call. Asked about my job. I answered everything honestly. I was told that my job was too hard to be done by someone with ADD.
I complained to my doctor on our next telehealth. She recommended finding a new one. I did, on an online service. Message me if you want to know. I had a much more thorough experience with this service and a modern test. I am now being medicated and it has changed my life a little bit for the better.
My wife went to get evaluated for ADHD. Before doing so, she researched what that might entail and found that many prospective ADHD sufferers found the evaluations easier if they made a list of their behaviors that they believed to be symptomatic.
She did so, a rather extensive list in fact, and brought it to the doctor. I wasn't there, but apparently she got one or two items in before the doctor (who, to be fair, had been seeing her for general health for a while) said "stop. You obviously do have ADHD." I guess it was that clear.
I've never been diagnosed with anything, but I don't think I'm neurotypical. As such, I couldn't tell you what behaviors of my wife's were normal or otherwise, but she does seem a lot happier and in more stable moods since she got medicated. Took a while to get the medication right for her, though.
Yeah some people you can just tell. I have a friend who mentioned she thinks she might have it and everyone at the table was surprised that she hadn’t already been diagnosed.
Aka social engineering