this post was submitted on 26 Oct 2023
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[–] [email protected] 116 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Don't use dating apps, they're not worth your time.

If you're a guy you're going to be doing all of the messaging and conversational work almost all of the time.

Just go get a hobby that involves meeting up with people and something will happen organically. Also you'll be happier and get better interpersonal skills.

[–] [email protected] 70 points 1 year ago (3 children)

But all of my hobbies are total sausage fests

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)

But make friends with someone that has female friends.

That's the only route in, in that case.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

You see, this assumes women exist. I haven't seen one of them in years, I'm convinced they're extinct.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Might be worthwhile to investigate if you like sausage then...

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

Better start learning to like it

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (2 children)

What are your hobbies if you don't mind me asking?

[–] [email protected] 46 points 1 year ago
[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago (5 children)

Let’s see… Video games, weeb shit, 3D printing with some dabbling in attempting to paint the prints, reading (weeb shit), occasional gym. That’s the main set

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Video games: depending on the game, you can easily find a lot of women. MMOs tend to have a lot on my experience, although they tend to guild up together due to either gamer stereotypes and/or bad
experiences, so finding the guilds may by tricky. Just be nice, honest and honestly friendly, they'll find you.

Maybe try to 3d Print some anime models, paint them, put up on social media, you might even start getting requests if you finish them well enough. My GF and her friends hoard anime stickers like I used to do with magic cards as a kid.

Weeb shit: biggest Manga consumer I know is a late 20s woman with several thousand books in her personal collection. They're out there.

Hell, even just getting out into your local pokemon go group will get you out of the house, and frankly I know more women who (still) play that than men.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

Yeah anime models are what I’ve been trying to paint. But hot damn do I need more practice before I even consider showing them around

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

It’s how I kinda met my girlfriend and our 1 year anniversary is coming up in a few month so I must be doing something right

But we had two college classes and we’re both like “this person is so weird I should hang out with them” and we had a lot in common and eventually our friendship turned into dating

[–] [email protected] 60 points 1 year ago (4 children)

Try being on the apps for a year without a match. Really helps boost the old self esteem.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Do young people not go places to meet new people anymore? I haven't been single since dating apps got real popular, but I still feel most people who partner up probably aren't meeting on the Internet.

I haven't been single in a long time, but any time I go out there always seems to be single women looking for company, at least enough to try hitting on a dude with a ring.

[–] [email protected] 57 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Less walkable communities, less free time, and more remote work lead to isolation. Our capitalist society was not designed for meeting people, it was designed to make people work

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago

But why are selfish millennials killing the birthrate?!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Our capitalist society was not designed for meeting people

This is strange because people that are coupled (and eventually have children) are stronger consumers than a single person.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Your thinking too long term, gotta think how will this effect this quarters earnings?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Exactly, capitalism is all about short term profits. If you're a publicly traded company it's literally law

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[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 year ago (4 children)

Where exactly am I supposed to meet people, the grocery store? I could go to bars but I don't drink. People always say to join groups or meet people through hobbies but all of my hobbies are complete sausage fests. Dating people you work with is usually a bad idea but that doesn't matter anyways because almost all of the people I work with are men. People say just meet more friends but I already have more friends than I can keep up with. Actually most of those friends are even women. But none of them are around my age, single, and interested in dating me.

I'm starting to become convinced that single women who are my age don't actually exist. I'm not sure what bank vault the government is keeping them locked up in but it certainly isn't anywhere I go. The dating app minefield is the only place I've even been able to find women who are around my age. Like I legitimately don't know where they all go. It's baffling. They just don't seem to exist anywhere outside of dating apps.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

I'm not trying to discount any of your feelings or experiences, I went through this same thing for years until I met my current (and first) gf; for context I was 28 when we started going out.

I hated hearing it when I was in your situation but it's always been true for me, work on yourself and keep yourself open and things will eventually happen. I gave up trying to find a girlfriend when I was 27 after years of striking out irl and on dating apps and decided to focus on myself. I was starting a graduate program and got a cool public art opportunity through my city so I just put all my energy into that which helped me focus less on tinder and my lack of sex (kinda) . One day this girl I worked with dumped her loser boyfriend and after several failed attempts to ask her out (I'm bad at putting things down, she's bad at picking things up) i finally had a date. Four years later and she's begging me for a ring.

Life is tough and even harder when you don't have someone to experience it with. Again, I don't know your situation and I don't want to just be another asshole saying things will get better cause I fucking hate those people when I was sad and lonely, but I genuinely do believe good things come to those who wait. Keep yourself open to new experiences and listen to your gut if it's telling you to take a chance.

Or tell me to stfu, that's cool too I get it and won't be upset.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago (2 children)

That's actually kinda reassuring to hear because I'm 27 and I have already given up on dating for a while so hopefully I'm just following in your footsteps. Also to your sex point that one isn't my issue because sex isn't something I care much about anyways (ace spectrum). It would just be nice to have someone to do stuff with.

But like I said dating hasn't been a real focus of mine for a few years now anyways. I just get reminded of it when I see threads like this.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Glad I could offer a bit of reassurance man, all the best going forward.

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[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

I mean, probably dont want to hear this but if all of your hobbies are complete sausage fests but you want to meet women organically you should try out some hobbies that women are more likely to do. Dancing classes, cooking classes, improv comedy groups, yoga, certain adult sports leagues etc. Once you have a few women friends it becomes much easier to meet more and most women would love to set up their friemds if they think you're cool.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I mean that's fair. But I don't enjoy any of those things. Joining a woman dominated group that I don't actually want to be in just so I can talk to the women there just feels like it would make me a bit of a creep.

It probably didn't come across in my first message but I'm fine continuing to do my thing and just not date anyone. I was just pointing out that the advice "just go meet people" isn't really helpful.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

Do you dislike doing them, or do you not know and just think you wont like them? I'm asking because I've been in the latter experience more times than I can count and ended up liking what I was doing. If you can find something that doesn't sound awful and you're willing to put in a bit of effort into learning/meshing with the activity, you won't come off like a creep who's only there to meet women.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago

You never know what you're going to like.

Plus someone has to do it, and they want to find someone just as much as you do.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I don't want to sound critical, but it seems as if you are trying to fish from the same spots you've never had any luck with.

I believe when people say to meet people through hobbies, they're typically meaning new hobbies. If you aren't finding any suitable partners within your horizons, looking more often probably isn't going to help. That's a sign that it's probably time to expand your horizons, do things you haven't before, try something you don't have an interest in, be uncomfortable, change your environment.

The world isn't hiding women from you, you are hiding from the women.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 year ago

The world isn't hiding women from you, you are hiding from the women.

Psh, I ain't hiding from women, I'm hiding from everyone

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[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

It’s a matter of perceived convenience and a low threshold I guess. A dating app needs you to be strong and put yourself out there once and after that you’re automatically presenting yourself to possible partners indefinitely. And you can do it from home. Less work, less anxiety, basically no effect when getting rejected because you don’t even know.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago

Nothing brings you back down to earth quite like dating apps.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 year ago

Thousands of potential matches took one look and realized you were too amazing for them to have a chance, decided they'd rather swipe left than be swiped left on, or see the disappointment in your eyes when you met.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 year ago

Pretty much all of the dating apps are owned by the same company and they're all a scam. They want your to pay to subscribe and then pay to boost your account or they're otherwise practically useless.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago

Literally just a bit under average height unless anon is Dutch or something.

[–] [email protected] 30 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I've always found to have more luck on dating sites like Plenty of Fish and OKcupid than I do on the more modern dating apps.

I don't know if any of them do this today, but I really liked the ones that had personality quizzes and matched people to you via personal compatibility.

Those personality tests netted me several relationships and 2 consecutive marriages.

To me, I see that as highly effective.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I want one based of Spotify recommendations.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

That's actually a really good idea.

You can tell a lot about a person by the flavor of their earworms.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago
[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

There is one that does that but its mostly focused towards alt/goth/metal people.

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 year ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 25 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Kissless, handhold-less, virgin

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 year ago

And he's worried about that at 19? Gotta bump those numbers up. Those are rookie numbers. Wait until you're 40 and in the same boat.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Kissless, Hugless, Virgin or Kissless, Handhold-less, Virgin. (Khhv = kissless, hugless, handhold-less, virgin)

[–] [email protected] 11 points 1 year ago

Yeah it's not easy. And it sucks to have to market yourself like a product.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 year ago

Find groups that meet and have your interests.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

There's a reason none of these sites/apps share data anymore. It was way too depressing.

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