I remember my dad telling a story about my grandpa (his dad) holding on to his shirt collar with one hand and repeatedly hitting him in the face with the other. My dad was probably 13 or 14. It was bad enough that he returned a punch and knocked his dad down. He felt guilty about that for decades afterwards. He probably still does. I don't know how someone feels guilty for the one time they defended themselves against a father who brutally beat all of his children on a regular basis.
That's a sad story. I know lots of sad stories. I've lived some of them. Long ago, I made it a life goal to write happier ones. When I discipline my kids, which I sometimes have to do, I try to use it as a learning opportunity. Just ask my oldest how many times she's had to do community service because she made poor choices.
The moral lesson I hope she's learned from those experiences is that you should contribute positive things to the world instead of negative things but if/when you fail, you're obligated to rectify that to the best of your ability.
It's my job to teach my kids how to be good people and I won't be able to do that if they fear me.