this post was submitted on 01 Jul 2024

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What are some good ways to find musician friends? (lemmy.autism.place)

submitted 4 months ago by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

9 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I play guitar and drums. I want to find friends to play with, but I'm not connected into any music circles. Currently, my social circle is only salsa and bachata dancers. Any ideas how I can find others?

ps - I'm pretty socially anxious and autistic, so making friends takes me extra effort and time.

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[–] [email protected] 9 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

I’m not sure if there’s a music scene near you, but the best thing you can do for yourself and your kinsman is to see as many local shows as possible. If you go to enough, even if you don’t talk to anyone – you may get recognized and make friends without having to do much.

That said, if you see some reoccurring faces – those are usually the people to talk to. They seem to know everyone. Most local music scenes have a brotherhood mentality.

That’s how I integrated myself into the local scene, which provided a nice 10 year stint of touring. From my experience, music scenes tend to draw in a fair amount of neurodivergent people, so you won’t be alone.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago

Agreed! I would add, if it’s a smaller scene, you may be able to approach the organizers and see about helping to promote the event or do setup/strike/cleanup. Volunteering is a decent way to meet folks IMO

[–] [email protected] 6 points 4 months ago

Your story basically mimics mine. Guitar and drums, always wanted to play with others but at 50 years old, I jam every day by myself at home.

Other than about 6 months in my 20s, I've not played music with others. I want to but I don't interact with others and the thought of trying to is overwhelming.

I hope you overcome your aversion. The 6 months I did jam with others was magical.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago

I know these platforms are looked down upon here, but I’ve connected (at least online) with local musicians in my area through my city’s subreddit and discord. Chances are there is a sub and/or discord channel for musicians in your area. There are also facebook groups if you’re on there too.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

Back on R*ddit, I actually managed to connect with a few R*dditors (under a different username tho) through the /r/BedroomBands sub. Looks like it's still active. As far as I'm aware, we don't have anything like that on Lemmy yet.

From my experience in music, drummers are always in demand, especially if you can record your kit, even badly; real kit with sample replacement always beats an electric kit, which itself beats programmed drums. (And programming drums from scratch is so boring, speaking from experience.) So I think you'll find people very quickly if you mention it.

As far as my music chops go, I play guitar and bass, mainly metal, but I'm really more of a producer. Unfortunately, I had to stop taking clients from R*ddit because I had to focus on school. Now I'm living with my grandmother and parents so I can't really do music stuff without headphones, so I'm kinda out of commission for a while.

ps - I'm pretty socially anxious and autistic, so making friends takes me extra effort and time.

Me too. It took me months to build up the courage to make my first post. But it was one of the best things I ever did, and I miss that part of my life dearly.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

From my experience in music, drummers are always in demand

I didn’t want to edit my post again so I’m posting it here:

OP, if you’re socially anxious at those local shows and don’t know what to talk about – tell them you play drums and are looking for people to play with The quote I’m replying to is 100% accurate.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago

Look for some local open mic nights. Even if you're not playing, the audience will mostly be the people who are.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

What kind of music do you make?

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago

I mostly improv blues or stuff like Rob Martino (no idea what this genre would be called) on the guitar. With drums, I play along to any type of rock.