this post was submitted on 03 Jan 2024
608 points (93.3% liked)

Programmer Humor

32822 readers
240 users here now

Post funny things about programming here! (Or just rant about your favourite programming language.)

Rules:

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Socsa@sh.itjust.works 32 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Anyone who says Matlab is their favorite programming language is very misguided

[–] Kecessa@sh.itjust.works 30 points 1 year ago (1 children)

"You are an engineer and a nerd"

We call them "enginerds", thank you very much.

[–] jubilationtcornpone@sh.itjust.works 24 points 1 year ago (3 children)

My relationship with JavaScript is more like an abusive relationship that I can't escape from because it pays all the bills.

[–] orca@orcas.enjoying.yachts 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You just described my life. JS is hell.

[–] naught@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 year ago (2 children)

You guys are using typescript right? .... right?

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] corsicanguppy@lemmy.ca 20 points 1 year ago

What You're acc to your fav language

Parse error in /usr/lib/dict/en_all.h

[–] enitoni@beehaw.org 17 points 1 year ago

Ah yes, React my favorite programming language.

[–] Muffi@programming.dev 15 points 1 year ago

MATLAB is such a scam. Luckily a growing amount of universities are starting to realise it.

[–] backhdlp@lemmy.blahaj.zone 14 points 1 year ago (2 children)

If you recognize them all, you're a double nerd

[–] pingveno@lemmy.ml 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Can I be a 1.99x nerd if I missed the bird one? (Swift, from a quick search)

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] DeaDvey@lemmy.ml 13 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I am not a nerd, I am actually a gigachad. Selfie

[–] Jorgelino@lemmy.ml 5 points 1 year ago

How did you take a selfie with your feet? Impressive.

[–] oce@jlai.lu 5 points 1 year ago

This interface is bloated

[–] neidu2@feddit.nl 11 points 1 year ago (5 children)

Mine is "nobody cares about camels anymore"

[–] beefcat@beehaw.org 4 points 1 year ago

tbf perl nerds still are some of the nerdiest of nerds

[–] xmunk@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 year ago

Oh, Camels...

[–] spizzat2@lemm.ee 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] DarthVi@lemmy.ml 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Is that an OCaml reference/joke?

[–] neidu2@feddit.nl 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Perl. But OCaml works too, I guess.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] anarchist@lemmy.ml 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Elixir: Look of superiority

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] TheFriendlyArtificer@beehaw.org 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

PHP: You're not a nerd. But you are at least trying.

[–] First@programming.dev 10 points 1 year ago

PHP: You were a nerd, now you're just outdated (and/or a WordPress developer).

[–] mathemachristian@hexbear.net 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] Urist@lemmy.ml 8 points 1 year ago (4 children)

OP does not know math people are cooler than engineers and physicists.

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] xmunk@sh.itjust.works 9 points 1 year ago

Why are we all accumulators?

[–] baseless_discourse@mander.xyz 9 points 1 year ago (4 children)

I don't have a favorite language, I just hate haskell less than all the other languages I have tried.

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] clb92@feddit.dk 9 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Omg, it's scary how accurate this is!
I am a nerd!

[–] PoolloverNathan@programming.dev 7 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I don't see Haskell on there!

[–] comrade_pibb@hexbear.net 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] abclop99@beehaw.org 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] dukk@programming.dev 3 points 1 year ago

You are a nerd with too much time

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] SomeoneElse@lemmy.ca 6 points 1 year ago

Look, I was forced to learn R (very badly) for my PhD (which I didn’t complete). So technically I’m not a nerd (it’s sadder than that). Yay!!

[–] Emerald@lemmy.world 5 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

Rust: you are transgender

ASM: you are a nerd

Python: You are a high school student

Java: Your brain is so big you can accomplish anything.

PHP: You could likely do it all in JavaScript

HTML + CSS: You don't know programming but still want to look cool. If you need JavaScript you can ask ChatGPT.

Brainfuck: you like to brag

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] UntouchedWagons@lemmy.ca 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

What's the one to the right of Java?

[–] telemaphone@beehaw.org 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] oce@jlai.lu 7 points 1 year ago

Proprietary matplotlib

[–] EdibleFriend@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago (2 children)

What does it say about a person like me who reads all these damn memes even though I don't know jack shit about programming?

[–] GlitterInfection@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] RandomVideos@programming.dev 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] Natanael@slrpnk.net 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

There's a programming language for that

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Klear@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] sag@lemm.ee 6 points 1 year ago

Roblox Player ;) JK

[–] lseif@sopuli.xyz 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

in my completely accurate and objective opinion:

  • Javascript: you are a frontend web dev (hopefully)
  • C++: you spent too long learning keywords and classes, you might as well use them
  • Rust: you like big naked men butt booty wrestling
  • Asm: you dont know what a 'type' is
  • Go: you have chosen a perfect language.
  • React: you know its not a framework, so then it must be a language, right?
  • Python: either a child, or an ai expert
  • C: you are a better programmer than everyone else, because you know what a pointer is
  • PHP: rich
  • C#: learning game development just because you like video games
  • Swift: idk really. something to do with apple?
  • R: ????

i use Rust btw

[–] palordrolap@kbin.social 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Perl: You're an old nerd who remembers before Python was a thing, or else a nerd who really likes funky syntax and symbols everywhere and PHP just wasn't right for you.

Raku: You're an old nerd who remembers before Python took over from your former beloved Perl and instead of opting for simpler, cleaner syntax, you decided that being able to go the other way entirely was absolutely for you, or else you're a nerd who likes really, really funky syntax and Python, PHP and even Perl seem too much like kids toys.

Ada: You're an old nerd who was taught it at some college or other or else you're an engineer writing mission critical systems and this is the language everything is written in and no-one will switch to anything else.

BASIC: You're an old nerd (you might be sensing a theme here) who taught themselves programming at some point in the '70s, '80s or '90s and you'll get around to learning another language some day, but right now this interpreter you found online that runs in a console window suits you just fine.

Shell scripting: You're a nerd who really ought to rewrite some of those unwieldy beasts in something else at some point but you've learned it this way and don't have time for anything else right now. Time for another hack.

Powershell: You're a nerd who's found something that "really makes sense, you know?"

COBOL: See Ada but exchange "mission critical" for "banking".

Prolog: You are a nerd who plays Towers of Hanoi in their head for fun.

Haskell: You are a nerd whose flying saucer is a glass dome followed by a function that describes the rest of it, which may or may not be the same function that described the glass dome in the first place.

Lisp: You are a nerd for whom parentheses make you feel warm and fuzzy, if not other feelings that cannot be spoken of in polite company. If you like Emacs, you like Emacs.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Presi300@lemmy.world 3 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

What your favorite programming language says about you:

JavaScript: Error: "You" is undefined

[–] Aceticon@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

It seems to me some of those should be "you're a masochist and a nerd" when they're somebody's favorite language.

[–] charje@lemmy.ml 2 points 1 year ago

You R a nerd for the last one.

load more comments