this post was submitted on 03 Jan 2024
608 points (93.3% liked)

Programmer Humor

32410 readers
262 users here now

Post funny things about programming here! (Or just rant about your favourite programming language.)

Rules:

founded 5 years ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 32 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

Anyone who says Matlab is their favorite programming language is very misguided

[–] [email protected] 30 points 10 months ago (1 children)

"You are an engineer and a nerd"

We call them "enginerds", thank you very much.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 10 months ago (3 children)

My relationship with JavaScript is more like an abusive relationship that I can't escape from because it pays all the bills.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago (1 children)

You just described my life. JS is hell.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago (2 children)

You guys are using typescript right? .... right?

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (2 replies)
[–] [email protected] 20 points 10 months ago

What You're acc to your fav language

Parse error in /usr/lib/dict/en_all.h

[–] [email protected] 17 points 10 months ago

Ah yes, React my favorite programming language.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 10 months ago

MATLAB is such a scam. Luckily a growing amount of universities are starting to realise it.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 10 months ago (2 children)

If you recognize them all, you're a double nerd

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Can I be a 1.99x nerd if I missed the bird one? (Swift, from a quick search)

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 13 points 10 months ago (2 children)

I am not a nerd, I am actually a gigachad. Selfie

[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago

How did you take a selfie with your feet? Impressive.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 10 months ago

This interface is bloated

[–] [email protected] 11 points 10 months ago (5 children)

Mine is "nobody cares about camels anymore"

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago

tbf perl nerds still are some of the nerdiest of nerds

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago

Oh, Camels...

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Is that an OCaml reference/joke?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Perl. But OCaml works too, I guess.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 10 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Elixir: Look of superiority

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 10 points 10 months ago (1 children)

PHP: You're not a nerd. But you are at least trying.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 10 months ago

PHP: You were a nerd, now you're just outdated (and/or a WordPress developer).

[–] [email protected] 10 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 10 months ago (4 children)

OP does not know math people are cooler than engineers and physicists.

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 10 months ago

Why are we all accumulators?

[–] [email protected] 9 points 10 months ago (4 children)

I don't have a favorite language, I just hate haskell less than all the other languages I have tried.

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] [email protected] 9 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Omg, it's scary how accurate this is!
I am a nerd!

[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago (3 children)

I don't see Haskell on there!

[–] [email protected] 12 points 10 months ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago

You are a nerd with too much time

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago

Look, I was forced to learn R (very badly) for my PhD (which I didn’t complete). So technically I’m not a nerd (it’s sadder than that). Yay!!

[–] [email protected] 5 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

Rust: you are transgender

ASM: you are a nerd

Python: You are a high school student

Java: Your brain is so big you can accomplish anything.

PHP: You could likely do it all in JavaScript

HTML + CSS: You don't know programming but still want to look cool. If you need JavaScript you can ask ChatGPT.

Brainfuck: you like to brag

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago (1 children)

What's the one to the right of Java?

[–] [email protected] 8 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 10 months ago

Proprietary matplotlib

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago (2 children)

What does it say about a person like me who reads all these damn memes even though I don't know jack shit about programming?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago (1 children)

There's a programming language for that

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 10 months ago

Roblox Player ;) JK

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago (1 children)

in my completely accurate and objective opinion:

  • Javascript: you are a frontend web dev (hopefully)
  • C++: you spent too long learning keywords and classes, you might as well use them
  • Rust: you like big naked men butt booty wrestling
  • Asm: you dont know what a 'type' is
  • Go: you have chosen a perfect language.
  • React: you know its not a framework, so then it must be a language, right?
  • Python: either a child, or an ai expert
  • C: you are a better programmer than everyone else, because you know what a pointer is
  • PHP: rich
  • C#: learning game development just because you like video games
  • Swift: idk really. something to do with apple?
  • R: ????

i use Rust btw

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

Perl: You're an old nerd who remembers before Python was a thing, or else a nerd who really likes funky syntax and symbols everywhere and PHP just wasn't right for you.

Raku: You're an old nerd who remembers before Python took over from your former beloved Perl and instead of opting for simpler, cleaner syntax, you decided that being able to go the other way entirely was absolutely for you, or else you're a nerd who likes really, really funky syntax and Python, PHP and even Perl seem too much like kids toys.

Ada: You're an old nerd who was taught it at some college or other or else you're an engineer writing mission critical systems and this is the language everything is written in and no-one will switch to anything else.

BASIC: You're an old nerd (you might be sensing a theme here) who taught themselves programming at some point in the '70s, '80s or '90s and you'll get around to learning another language some day, but right now this interpreter you found online that runs in a console window suits you just fine.

Shell scripting: You're a nerd who really ought to rewrite some of those unwieldy beasts in something else at some point but you've learned it this way and don't have time for anything else right now. Time for another hack.

Powershell: You're a nerd who's found something that "really makes sense, you know?"

COBOL: See Ada but exchange "mission critical" for "banking".

Prolog: You are a nerd who plays Towers of Hanoi in their head for fun.

Haskell: You are a nerd whose flying saucer is a glass dome followed by a function that describes the rest of it, which may or may not be the same function that described the glass dome in the first place.

Lisp: You are a nerd for whom parentheses make you feel warm and fuzzy, if not other feelings that cannot be spoken of in polite company. If you like Emacs, you like Emacs.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 3 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

What your favorite programming language says about you:

JavaScript: Error: "You" is undefined

[–] [email protected] 3 points 10 months ago

It seems to me some of those should be "you're a masochist and a nerd" when they're somebody's favorite language.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 10 months ago

You R a nerd for the last one.

load more comments
view more: next ›