Memes

I think the mainstream Santa lore is dogshit.

I know a pro Santa, and as an actor he has to have his story straight. And if you ask him his life story, it basically starts as a mortal man in ancient Turkey with the story of the original St. Nicholas, and then proceeds to his gradual ascension to demigodhood through devinely favored acts of anonymous charity around the world.

Eventually, his aging slows down and stops, and he makes his way to the frozen north where the ancient, immortal elves have retreated to enjoy their hobby of crafting far from the bother of humans. They become friends, and he begins a routine of spending his time wandering the earth looking for the needy and deserving and passing along recommendations to the elves. What they build, he offers to deliver. And in the process, he inspires hundreds of millions to pretend to give on his behalf so that no one ever knows if he is real or which gifts came from him.

He doesn't judge each of us, and he doesn't actually give presents to most people. He just wanders the world every day looking for those in need. And he doesn't command the elves, he just furnishes them with requests which they oblige at their discretion.

It's such a better story, isn't it?