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There's a lot of disappointing comments on here, like no shit you would use a different vehicle if you had access.
First, someone mentioned any cop has the right to check for insurance/etc, so being prepared for that and being amicable, as bright-eyed as you can be. Those marks usually get noted I think though. And another mentioned a sob story, harder in some circumstances but you can get pretty creative from Moms colonoscopy to funeral road trip (from the colonoscopy ofc).
However, I would like to add - do you have any way to meet creative people willing to turn your ghetto van into a painted art car? I was wondering what region you're around (don't need to mention it no worries) and you've mentioned a lot of small towns which makes me think mid-south or west. Either way, going over the car with some primer and a theme may help turn it from ghetto to art-van.
I would try hitting up craigslist or posting on local pages, if funds are an issue I would maybe just mention the situation, doing it in sections. A for sure place you can get it done though for free? Pretty much anywhere in the PNW (OR/WA at least) there are all kinds of weird parties and gatherings and I've seen tons of "paint me" vans, and honestly most of the time they look freaking sick. They're always a mix of hand paint and airbrush.
If you are able to save some over time, you could technically apply these yourself for just barely cheaper than an auto-shop, but it would be some work. You'd need 1 - 1 1/2 of grey primer to cover the van - anywhere from $35 (check dates then shake really, really well) to $85. And then probably the spray/air gun.
Either way, you'll want to follow the proper care for treating the car before you paint it - clean, sand, primer, (maybe sand, maybe not if art car), then the hard part is the clear coat. That part I'm not as familiar with unfortunately.
Last random idea, there are these like rental camper vans, probably a bunch of companies but faking one of those. Same idea as the art car just dumber lol.
Anyways, good luck and I hope in the future you have better reception to questions like this - and that you're able to relax wherever you're staying.
Thanks for stating that! It's like when there's a cold snap below freezing and some homeless guy freezes to death from exposure and someone says, "Why didn't he just go rent a hotel room for the night? It's just one night"