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Everyone is being very serious.
When I got my first smartphone, circa 2009, I left it on the toilet paper holder in the employee bathroom at my work. I didn't realize I had lost it until I went to clock out and my boss handed it to me and laughed at me for taking a shit on the clock.
The worst part is, I didn't even use the toilet; I went in there to adjust my pants and redo my belt, and I took my phone and my wallet out of my pockets and set them down on the nearest surface.
I'll never forget my boss's face when he called me out. He was a nice guy, but it was super embarrassing.
He called you out for using the bathroom while on the clock? What line of work were you in?
Toilet salesman?
Heart surgeon.
The NLRB protects your right to shit on company time. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise. Unless it's Jeff Bezos, then you're fucked.