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What are your experiences with polyamory, first or second hand? (feddit.nl)

submitted 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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I personally am in a phenomenally stable polyamorous relationship. I've been married to my wife for 12 years, and she has had the same boyfriend for about half of that time. It's a really fulfilling arrangement for all of us in various ways. We're all genuinely happy and satisfied. I'm kind of casually looking for a boyfriend of my own.

But I feel like I only hear negative stories about other poly experiences. It's always unstable people and situations. It's always two out of three people happy at most. Surely there are other success stories out there, and I just hear the disasters because they're more memorable and fun to tell. Does anyone else have or know a polyamory success story?

EDIT: This blew up a little while I was asleep. I promise I'm at least reading every comment.

EDIT 2.0: ngl I did not expect the trope of polyamory to fix a struggling relationship would be so real. We did just the opposite and are both baffled. Don't use volitility to fight the volitility.

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[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Back when me and my wife started dating, it was a long distance relationship and we agreed that it's OK if we see other people too. Neither of us did, but I feel like "expanding relationship" should only happen when your primary deal is in healthy state and not to try fix issues in it by dating someone else.

[–] [email protected] 23 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Yep, 'opening up' to fix a bad relationship is as terrible an idea as having a child to fix one.

Poly relationships are fine and great and positive, but they absolutely need a solid, healthy foundation to rest on.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 year ago

Yeah the way I like to describe that is that nonmonogamy can solve relationship problems but only the ones caused by needing nonmonogamy. Alternatively learning poly philosophies has done wonders for some monogamous people I know. They may not get compersion from a partner seeing someone else, but they do have the words to recognize and appreciate the happiness of being a loved one’s joy. And they communicate great too.