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this post was submitted on 07 May 2025
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Not going to argue about the general kid stance. Just about the "shitty parent" bit, which is also de main complain.
There are two tiers of good/bad parent. There's the objective one, are the kids being hurt? No, then you are a good parent. Pretty easy.
But there's a more complex one. Are your education as a parent helping to produce an adult with a series of determined characteristics? This is a lot more complex. As there's no universal agree on what a good adult is so there cannot be a good agree on which parenting is good because it produces these type of adults.
I'd would assume that when people say "you are a shitty parent" they would me mostly saying "your education will produce an adult that I do not consider desirable in my idea of a society". That's subjective. Some people prefer some traits and other prefer others.
As in this general example if someone sees a kids making a lot of noise and their parents not correcting them they may say "that's a shitty parent". Do they think they are hurting the kids? No. They'll just probably think that those kids will grow up to be noisy adults and they don't like noisy adults, so they think that's not a desirable education for a kid in their society. Nothing more. I wouldn't take those "you are a shitty parent" in any other way.
You’re missing the issue - I know what they’re thinking, but frankly I don’t understand why people feel entitled to make that statement after simply disagreeing with one or two sentences of mine or someone else. The point is it is an extremely rude, personal attack that borders on cruel. It cannot be overstated how deeply personal that attack is and how unwarranted it almost always is.
I said “we need to be patient with kids,” they said “kids are obnoxious in public spaces,” I said “what you may consider annoying I often consider kids just being kids,” and they said “you’re a shitty parent.” Does that sound like an even remotely appropriate escalation to you? They are hardly unique in this behavior. This is basically a meme at this point on the Internet. If you say are a parent and advocate for kids at all, people just call you a shitty parent immediately. And they’re so excited to do it andget so much support in it. It’s not right.
It's not appropriate. But don't take it personal.
I am sensitive to noises, so I can empathize very well with people who suffer when noisy/kids people are around. It can be really debilitating and stressful. And frustrating, as there's usually no control over that situation. So it's usual for people to vent the extreme frustration generated by shit talking.
Maybe they have a neighbor with noisy kids and they are suffering every day because of it (as it is my case for instance). So being rude to strangers who may not have special concerns if kids/people are noisy or not is a way to vent. Not a good way, but it's natural in most people to vent their frustration with people they assume (correctly or not) are related to their suffering.
What I mean is that noise sensibility can be a very serious issue to some people. Empathy and compassion is needed in this cases when defending anything related with noisemaking.
You are totally right that there are many reasons why people could feel that way. But like a lot of things on the Internet, I think it’s simply a behavior that is being rewarded. It’s become trendy to hate parents and kids. People basically assume you’re a breeder eugenicist republican the moment you say you love your kids or suggest that your kids should be allowed to exist in the community like everyone else.