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The experience of nostalgia I understand is bittersweet and often melancholy. I guess what I'm finding strange is that normally one experiences nostalgia for something they'd actually like to be able to return to, and that usually means something that they actually liked, a previous happiness. Weirdly I seem to be pining for a particular way I felt that actually, sucked at the time. It's weird. I know what you mean about it being best not to dwell but it's such a powerful draw, it's like I'm swimming around the edges of a vortex.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saudade
I recently heard of a type of it called Solastalgia which is a distress for something going away that you had nostalgia for. I wish niche words like these got more use