I definitely agree with this. I signed up with ml just because it was a big instance and generally found it confusing when first setting up an account. So far I think it's worked out because they have good up time and haven't insulated themselves too much compared to a lot of instances that will defederate at the drop of a hat. Hexbear can be hard to read at times because many users can turn so hateful so quickly, but I do think their perspective can be at the very least interesting even when it is clearly misguided.
I do strongly dislike that every large instance has formed its own stereotype and opinions are immediately dismissed if they are coming from an instance that is stereotyped as having 'bad options'.
Mostly just worried for my trans friends and family.