Ask Lemmy

Similar struggle. I told my folks (they live 2hrs away and I see them every 2 mo.) that they need to choose: a relationship with me or talking about politics. At first I gave a couple warnings, but after maybe 3 or 4 times. I reiterated, me or politics, and left without another word. Works with phone calls too. "Did you hear what Bide" click - I hang up.

Treat them like dogs - they're trainable. If you abruptly leave or hang up every time, eventually they'll get the hint. If not, they've made their choice and if it's not you, then you'll need to move on.

I didn't travel 2 hours to talk about someone I'll never meet. Let's talk about ourselves and what's new in our lives. What's going on in the garden, what's new in the office, whatever happened to what's-her-name you used to hang out with.

Easy. Log into their router next time I visit, adjust the DNS setting and redirect fox, oann, and facebook to actual news sites.

I stopped talking to them because every time I did I would have to correct things that they say because I am more knowledgeable about absolutely everything given that I'm not a dumbass

Smother them with a pillow while they sleep.

Edit: this comment will land on the right side of history

I moved a couple states away from my family to minimize any interaction. It's not just politics. Their politics are, however, and indicator that they're not the type of people I want to associate with, so the extra distance facilitates less contact.

Of course, I moved to Iowa, which has since shifted from purplish to red. At least I'm on a blue city.

If you're set on doing this you need to accept you may never be successful.

Also it has to be something gentle, not necessarily subtle, but compassionate. If you don't accept that they believe in their views then they will only feel attacked and lash out for defense.

As for actually changing their views, choose one or two things that you can point to in examples they can observe. Propaganda has a very hard time defeating our own eyes and ears. I don't even know which country you're in so you'll have to figure that out for yourself.

Another way to change their views is to get them to volunteer with organizations that help people down on their luck. A lot of times, just hearing the stories of how people ended up in need of help can change attitudes.

Just avoid the conversations. You can't change their mind.

I have conservative parents. I'm hoping it will personally affect their lives enough that they understand how ignorant and irrational they're being.

Don't discuss politics with them if you want to maintain contact as parents.

"If Russia is so great why do we live here?"

Tell this every time they start bullshitting.

Tell them what you think and then cut them out of your life. That is what I have done. Fuck their nonsense.

I wouldn't.

I'd approach it from a personal level, as in, "you're disgusting for doing this, you're disgusting for pretending any of this bullshit is defensible. This is beyond the pale. I'll talk to you again if you stop it with the crap, not before. I'm ashamed to come from people who would do this."

I don't know if it's a good idea to try and talk actual policy points with them. You think they reasoned their way there? This isn't politics, it's assholish indecency. Treat it like the thing it is.

Debating people who's entire thing is "don't be serious but make the others be" is dumb. Clown on em, tell them you can visit when they stop being transparently awful. Make it their job to patch things up, and don't use kid gloves. Don't allow the idea that they have a point into the conversation. That only applies to people who have points. Nazi shit gets you put in time out instead.

Don't take up the mantle of always having to put out the fire they keep lighting in the bridge between you. They'll burn it down and try to blame you for it, mark my words.

I don't talk politics. Not at work. Not to my parents. I just keep my opinions to myself to keep my sanity.

I'm low-contact with a couple of my core family. When we do meet, the other relatives are usually nice enough to just stop any political conversations or rants. Every once in a while, one slips through and I just ignore it, but our interactions have become infrequent enough that it's maybe yearly.

It's heartbreaking to both see some real opinions in some cases (some of which are products of their eras, and some of which have softened), but I also mourn the lack of immunity to conspiracy theories and propeganda on the other; I have seen almost a polar shift in one relative that really shocks me.

You don't owe your parents anything. Cut them out of your life entirely if you need to and are able to. Otherwise either keep standing your ground and try to keep converting them, or just make it clear that you won't discuss politics.

Both your parents sound slightly worse than my dad, who I went no-contact with for several years

Are they, especially your mom, different in person?

I have this one aunt who will hold forth in any crowd, insisting on whatever conspiracy theory she read on Facebook most recently. It’s tiring to the point that most of my adult life I’ve avoided her at family get togethers. But last time I saw her, just before pandemic, we happened into conversation away from everyone else. She came across lucid, intelligent, and we had a good conversation. wtf? Where has all that been?

Books or audio books on the subject of cults and conspiracy theories help to both understand this and eventually know what to do about it.

Unfortunately, you arguing with them about it most likely did only damage and no good. Stop. It will only make your parents more right wing (and you left) then drive you both crazy.

Here is a good place to start if you like: Hivemind by A.Montell Cultish BA S.cavanagh

Hit me up if you want more. But it's a complicated subject that can't be explained in a short lemmy post. If you want any other advice, OP, eatsomeveggies.

Well, one of mine died and it turns out the other one turned Trumper because she had developed dementia so I don't hold it against her.

Have you tried that?

https://youtu.be/P_H6urb1-Wo