Spoon wet dog food into my coffee cup instead of my dog's bowl.
this post was submitted on 31 Jul 2023
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Was in a hotel. Hadn't slept in a week. Woke up, leaned over to get out of bed. Still asleep, slipped crashed hard into sharp bed table corner. Even asleep, quick reflexes meant I didn't cave my skull in. Instead, I found myself in a ball on the floor, my arm split open , entire forearm blue black and purple, gushing blood. Still have a scar from it 2 years later.
Put sneakers in the fridge.
When I was 18, I flew over to Australia from London via LA, stayed up all day and arranged to meet with some people that is meet on the plane for a beer, all good, having a drink in a pub out at Coogee Bay.
I was sat on a bar stool, closed my eyes, woke up standing next to the pool table having flicked all of the "next game" reservation coins onto the table. A very large Australian guy was saying "I hope you know where all those came from"
My new friend hustled me out of there, thankfully.
My story is less destruction and more funny.
So, while very tired, I managed to find myself at a local coffee shop. I ordered my coffee, went over to the stand where the milk/sugar and stuff is.
What I intended to do next was to get a couple of sugar packets and put them into my coffee, and throw away the paper package, as usual.
What I actually did was, grab two sugar packets, tear them open and dump their contents directly into.... the trash. Yep. My brain skipped over the part where this step requires putting the package contents into my coffee.
I stood there for a minute while my brain tried to process what I had just done.
Once my brain caught up, I mentally facepalmed, dropped the now empty packets into the garbage, grabbed my coffee and went to sit down and drink it. I punished myself with drinking black coffee because I was too tired and stupid to deserve my coffee any other way.
Was up for ~24 hours when I decided to drive two hours to go to my parents house. This was a mistake. I had spray water at my face to keep my eyes open to drive. Made it to my dest. without incident. Never again.
LPT: Park your car in a safe spot, start the timer on your phone and close your eyes. Just keep them closed for a length of time that feels like 5 minutes and then open them up again. Check the timer, realize you just took a 30 min nap, and continue driving safely. I’ve done this many times, and I’ve always felt very refreshed afterwards. Also driving suddenly became 64000% easier, which was a nice bonus.
I hallucinated a werewolf and slammed on the brakes of an 8 ton military vehicle in rural Afghanistan, causing a patrol to go on alert for an attack.
Could be worse - a sleep-deprived navy crew crashed the USS McCain into a tanker
My brain switched yawning with moaning. Lets just say that wasn't the proudest day of my adult work life
While suffering insomnia, I changed my phone's passcode. Ended up having to nuke the OS the next day.