this post was submitted on 30 Sep 2024
551 points (97.4% liked)

Programmer Humor

19557 readers
1207 users here now

Welcome to Programmer Humor!

This is a place where you can post jokes, memes, humor, etc. related to programming!

For sharing awful code theres also Programming Horror.

Rules

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] [email protected] 159 points 1 month ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago

need to be more creative with aliasing than "ls"

[–] [email protected] 94 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Having been in this situation (the only binary I could use was bash, although cd was a bash builtin for me), echo * is your friend. Even better is something like this:

get_path_type() {
    local item
    item="$1"
    [[ -z "$item" ]] && { echo 'wrong arg count passed to get_path_type'; return 1; }
    if [[ -d "$item" ]]; then
        echo 'dir'
    elif [[ -f "$item" ]]; then
        echo 'file'
    elif [[ -h "$item" ]]; then
        echo 'link'  # not accurate, but symlink is too long
    else
        echo '????'
    fi
}

print_path_listing() {
    local path path_type
    path="$1"
    [[ -z "$path" ]] && { echo 'wrong arg count passed to print_path_listing'; return 1; }
    path_type="$(get_path_type "$path")"
    printf '%s\t%s\n' "$path_type" "$path"
}

ls() {
    local path paths item symlink_regex
    paths=("$@")
    if ((${#paths[@]} == 0)); then
        paths=("$(pwd)")
    fi
    shopt -s dotglob
    for path in "${paths[@]}"; do
        if [[ -d "$path" ]]; then
            printf '%s\n' "$path"
            for item in "$path"/*; do
                print_path_listing "$item"
            done
        elif [[ -e "$path" ]]; then
            print_path_listing "$path"
        printf '\n'
        fi
    done
}

This is recreated from memory and will likely have several nasty bugs. I also wrote it and quickly tested it entirely on my phone which was a bit painful. It should be pure bash, so it'll work in this type of situation.

EDIT: I'm bored and sleep deprived and wanted to do something, hence this nonsense. I've taken the joke entirely too seriously.

[–] [email protected] 50 points 1 month ago (1 children)

was a bit painful

Well that's an understatement

[–] [email protected] 44 points 1 month ago (2 children)

My pain tolerance for shitty input methods has been permanently warped after experiencing psychic damage from using Teamviewer to connect to a system over a very flaky HughesNet satellite link. I was working for a vendor that supplied a hardware networking box to a stupid retail company that sells food and shit. I just wanted to ssh to our boxen on a specific network so I could troubleshoot something, but the only way I could get to it was via putty installed on an ancient Windows XP desktop on the same network as our box that could only be accessed with Teamviewer. My favorite part of that was that the locale or something was fucked up, so my qwerty keyboard inputs were, like, fucking transformed into azerty somehow?? The Windows desktop was locked down and monitored to a tremendous degree, so I couldn't change anything. The resolution was terrible, the latency was over a second, and half of my keyboard inputs turned into gibberish on the other side.

Oh, and I was onsite at that same company's HQ doing a sales engineering call while I was trying to figure out what was wrong. I spent 5 days sitting in spare offices with shitty chairs, away from my family, living that fucking nightmare before I finally figured out what was wrong. God damn, what a fucking mess that was. For anyone reading this, NEVER WORK FOR GROCERY/DRUG STORE IT. They are worse than fucking banks in some ways. Fuck.

EDIT: also, I asked 'why Teamviewer' and the answer was always shrugs. This was before the big TeamViewer security incidents, so maybe they thought it was more secure? Like, at least they didn't expose RDP on the internet...

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 month ago

Yeah, suddenly coding on a phone doesn't seem so bad

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

HughesNet

the latency was over a second

It's going to space!

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

It very definitely was 😅 The way that company used the satellite network was cool, don't get me wrong. They would use it to push content out to all their stores with multicast which was really efficient with bandwidth. I loved it for that, but I hated interacting with it over unicast in any way, shape, or form. Horses for courses, as they say.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago (3 children)

I wanted to try it on my phone to, since I'm bored sitting on my train to work, but appearently you can't copy text out of jeroba and now I don't care enough to open it in my webbrowser

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 79 points 1 month ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 42 points 1 month ago (1 children)

-1 accuracy point ( ◞ ﹏ ◟)

linux 4.5-rc5 had efivarfs fixed to prevent "rm -rf /" bricking uefi motherboards -- so maybe someone can try it out? :]

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 month ago

This is one of the reasons I've disabled uefi by default with the noefi kernel parameter, the other reason being the LogoFAIL exploit: https://wiki.archlinux.org/title/Unified_Extensible_Firmware_Interface#Disable_UEFI_variable_access

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago

It would be pretty useless if cd was a child process that changed its own directory, only to return to bash and be back where you started.

[–] [email protected] 76 points 1 month ago (3 children)
[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 month ago (1 children)

That was a beautiful read, cheers!

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago

THANKS!!! I have it bookmarked forever now!

I lost access to it. Thank you for bringing it back to me! Yay!...

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago

I got reminded of it last week after years. What are the chances it came up again. 😁

[–] [email protected] 59 points 1 month ago (5 children)

Hmmm command not found, let me just try the same command a couple more times, this time it will work right?

In IT teaching users to actually read and understand errors is always an uphill battle.

[–] [email protected] 80 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Tbh I'd try it multiple times too, just because the concept of cd not being there is horrifying and cannot possibly be the case

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 month ago

Very true, I would do the same and feel my stomach drop farther each time.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 month ago (3 children)

I learned early in my software engineering career these two beautiful rules of debugging:

  1. Read all of the words
  2. Believe them
[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Unless you were the one writing the program and its error messages - then check, that you didn't mess up there...

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

Until you write a compiler error in some deeply templated C++ code, in which case just reading every word takes all day

/s but not too much

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Addendum to 2: never believe that what they say is relevant to what's actually happening here. You have a lot of faith that the people writing error messages knew what they were doing!

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)

You see they all different one use / the other use - and ~

/S

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago

Never dealt with an intermittent failure or race condition, eh?

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago

Where is the Windows 'help' button, did you try that?

[–] [email protected] 37 points 1 month ago (1 children)

No problem, just tab complete your way around the filesystem.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 32 points 1 month ago
[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 month ago (6 children)

I am immune to /dev/sda for I only have nvme

[–] [email protected] 29 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I love the nvme partition naming. Looking at you nvme1n1p3

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 month ago (1 children)

What do you mean? The nvme device label convention is far easier to screw up IMO. At least on my system the first drive would be labeled "nvme0n1", second "nvme1n1", etc and partitions get an additional suffix like "nvme0n1p1".

I am far more likely to screw that up compared to "sda" vs "sdb". Especially since I noticed that if I have both my internal and external SSDs hooked up at boot time their number gets assigned on a seemingly random basis.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

Eh? Idk if I agree. My original comment was entirely a joke based on the fact that the literal argument of=/dev/sda has no affect on my system but to address your actual point. I personally don't find nvme naming any more confusing than SCSI. /dev/nvme0n1 is only one char away from /dev/nvme1n1 just like sda vs sdb. Additionally if you understand how the kernel comes up with those names they make a lot of sense. The first number is the controller, the second is the namespace or drive attached to that controller, the 3rd if present is the partition on the given drive. It is entirely possible to have a controller with more than one namespace. That aside aside...I think there is a genuine benefit to be argued for having USB drives, which are SCSI and fall into sdX naming separate from system drives as I dd far more USB media than system media. Making it a lot harder to screw my system up when trying to poke a flash drive.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

That might make it even more dangerous, because you get used to flash to usb sticks on "/dev/sda". And when you then use a device with a built-in sata drive, you might forget checking in a hurry.

Happened to me a once or twice. I am now only using bmap tools for this.

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

echo $PATH

And alias to be sure.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago (2 children)

bash: echo: command not found

bash: alias: command not found

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

echo and alias are both shell commands. If the shell is running (which it obviously still is), those commands should still work, as it does not involve reading data from disk, but from memory.

Edit: I just noticed the picture said cd was not found, which is also a shell built-in. So, I don't know.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago

Just tested it in a container. The original screenshot is wrong:

screenshot of them being wrong

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 month ago

Why would somebody lie on the internet?

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] [email protected] 15 points 1 month ago

I see girls last tour, I upvote.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 1 month ago

bah, https://github.com/fosslinux/live-bootstrap

you don't even need a terminal or a prompt to bootstrap every tool you need.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 1 month ago

Empty $PATH.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago

You should all just use an immutable distro. Problemo solved-o.

/s

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 month ago (1 children)

This isn't programming, just someone who sucks at bash.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 month ago (3 children)

How else are you going to open your files in nano to do the programming on the prod server?

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

I remember being so scared the first time I screwed up my $PATH

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 month ago

sudo dd if=. /rpi3-aarch64-archlinux.img status=progress of=/dev/sd[tab] [tab] [enter]

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

guix rollback

load more comments
view more: next ›