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You mention gym and running. Both are super demanding imo. Have you tried swimming or bicycling at your own pace yet? Especially bicycling should be much more relaxing if you have the environment to do it, since you focus on the places you go as opposed to the performance.
Edit: I have a similar, albeit not as strong experience with the gym and running. I even hired a personal trainer to help me, but just felt like pressure all around and unpleasant pain instead of the good kind of soreness. Same with running that can impact your legs/knees a lot. Swimming at your own pace, without setting lofty time-based goals, has probably the least impact on the body.
I hired the personal trainer too. I just kept thinking I was doing something wrong and I should just follow his schedule. So I did exactly what he said, and that did not work either. I even did worse on the stamina test after training with him for a while than on the test at the start. That is when I quit.
Ihave tried bicycling and I had similar issues with that. But maybe I did not keep enough to my own pace. That was back when I did not understand how it worked and just tried a schedule to build up stamina. You are exactly right, it should not be about performance. Maybe I should try it again with my new mindset. Thanks!
Swimming does work if I go slow! So, I am in the lane with the elderly and just go slowly back and forth. The physiotherapist did tell me I should not go into water that is too cold, because my stress might increase from that as well. So, I found somewhere to swim when the water is warm. I try to do it once a week.