Ask Lemmy

So long story but I grew up in kinda a toxic environment, my father was the only sane person but he worked far away as an expat, and this made my mother irritated a lot as well, especially because of the nature of society we started living in, I really love her but she is kinda the standard conservative type so we don’t really have any meaningful interactions anymore, and most of my teachers were crappy as well, so I kinda got a bit insecure and shy overtime.

Fast forward after COVID and all of my old friends had left me, so I was alone for pretty much half a year, and then made some toxic friends out of desperation, which are still with me today.

Anyway after completing my junior high I worked a lot on my personality during my senior high school year 1 (this year), I started to try to put myself out in the world more (even though I normally hate unwanted social interactions), learning an instrument, going to the gym, I was always only met with criticism with my mother and my ‘friends’ (partly because I started taking them less and less seriously, which made them think I was ‘selfish’), but I pushed on, and I think at this point, I am satisfied with how I am as a person.

However there was one person that I think played passive role in all of this, my class teacher, this was really the second time ever I got a decent class teacher, but I wasn’t really worried because I also developed kind of a ‘fuck all’ attitude at this point, but halfway through the year I noticed more and more that it seemed like she was the only one keeping tabs on me and actually encouraging whenever I tried to start some sort of extra-circular activity in my school, she listened to my problems and helped me come to solution(s), encouraged/helped me to get stronger in my weak subject (which was taught by her), asked me when l was absent from an event I participated in and at this point, I think I have kinda developed a sense of respect for her.

I know there might be some sort of romantic reason as well or maybe a ‘crush’ but to be honest I never really felt that way the way I have ever felt about my crushes, instead of being awkward, I was comfortable (idk how much of that maybe to more confidence), and I never really had any sort of confession or any weird dreams like that, I just felt that there was finally a person who seemed like they would understand me (I know this a really immature part on my side, but can’t seem to help it)

Today was my last day in school for this session, and I have been feeling kinda heavy hearted ever since I came back from school, I still have a year left, but who knows what kind of Class Teacher I may get next year, it might be another narcissist a-hole and I really don’t want to say goodbye