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IMO I'm pro spanking within reason. There's circumstances where it's warranted. I don't believe in going overboard but the problem is that's all based on opinion from person to person. Lots of kids I see need a spanking based on how they act in public. I'd agree that the parents I've seen "gentle parent" have kids who are assholes and the ones I've seen grow up are still assholes but older. Could be a fault in the parent somewhere but idk. I was spanked as a kid and looking back, when I was spanked it was absolutely warranted. Spanked my oldest as I deemed necessary and he's turned out to be pretty caring for others and a really solid dude. He's my son and best friend.
I guess my thought is that spanking is OK but should be seldom used and within reason. Unfortunately "reason" is subjective.
There is no "within reason" for child abuse.
The vast vast majority of scientific research proves that hitting children only results in negative outcomes, not only in child development, but it's constantly shown to not reduce the undesired behaviour.
If a child can't be reasoned with for why it's actions were wrong, they can't reason why their loving parent strikes them.
If you choose to ignore what's essentially scientific fact and continue hitting children, then the adage "I was hit as a kid and I turned out okay" might be plain wrong.
Furthermore, suggesting that an action is okay because the child "turned out fine" can be used to justify any objectionable behaviour. "I was molested and I turned out okay, therefore molestation is justifiable". If your child did indeed turn out okay, that is despite you choosing to assault them, as ALL research shows you were in the wrong.
I read through it and in all honesty, what I'm gathering, is that it's common for people to go overboard. Either that or my family (father, myself, son) are some kind of insane statistical anomaly. Relationship down the line is fantastic, and son doesn't have outbursts and isn't violent.
Seems the underlying thing is that people use corporal punishment beyond a simple spank swat or hit on the butt. The things they speak about seem to be referring to beating, pulling hair, using sticks, paddles, etc. Even resulting in physical marks or hospitalization. Again, the line between spanking and beating is subjective. ALL research isn't showing I'm in the wrong. It's statistically showing that it has negative impacts overall, but this also, again, complies spanking into sticks, paddles, pulling hair, etc. together.
Ofc a child will be violent when you beat them with a stick or belt. A smack on the butt? Quick and effective. Hot sauce is spicy, therefore all sauces are spicy. Show me a study where they separate the difference.
Imagine defending hitting kids...
I was also spanked as a kid. My dad’s was fueled by hatred and anger. It was very rough and mean and he’d yell afterwards. We have a terrible relationship and are basically no contact. My mom spanked rarely but it was a compassionate spanking. Afterwards she would explain why, ask me not to do the bad thing again, and then hug me and make me tell her I loved her. We have an excellent relationship. So I yeah, I think spanking can be done in a positive way but only reserved for dire situations. So, I’m not quite sold on the gentle parenting. The world isn’t gentle and will rarely cater to your needs. I’m willing to hear perspectives and view outcomes though!
Right, I think the core issue is that most people (a LOT) use spanking as an immediate, "no!" which leads to many beatings, excessiveness, and more than likely, actual physical abuse.
The people I've met where their parents were responsible with it are great dudes. The people I've met who were simply... Beaten and battered, do not live successful lives for the most part.
My opinion, is that it can be effective if used responsibly and within reason.
Most comments I get are along the lines of, "ha have fun asking why your son doesn't talk to you in the future." what they don't see is that we're best friends and my kid is an adult and is "punishing us" by threatening to live at home longer every time we ask him to clean up the basement. He's responsible af, has a good savings, bought a new car, works full time, etc. I don't understand the issue when everything has turned out amazing. Yes, I spanked my kid. I did not hit him with any object, throw him, punch him, throw things at him, etc.
It's difficult to accept the other perspective of gentle parenting when most of those kids I meet are total selfish assholes. Even more so when I compare to the level of responsibility, competency, and integrity that my son has compared to other people his age. Like I said in another post, I must be a backwards ass statistical anomaly or something. Either that, or I did it right. If not, I did something right.