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Lack of commitment, follow through, cowardice preventing me from doing what I really want to do.
Which means, I don't have that out. I can curl inward, f*ck everything, I'm done, and everything gets worse and worse. Not sustainable.
If I'm stuck here, no way out, I suppose only way left is to try to figure out how to get out of this dark space. It doesn't have to be fixed all at once. Just do one small good thing for yourself. Give yourself time to heal, recover. Take it slow. The only way things can change is by actions. Take a shower. Go to goodwill, spend $ on clothes that isn't sweatpants and tattered t-shirts. ..
If I keep at this, one small step at a time, I'm laying in a solid foundation, preparing for that point in future where I'll be able to go back to that goodwill, ask if they're hiring. Sure, not the cushy $75k job you had b4 becoming homeless. It's better than staying on SSI, trapped below poverty level in overcrowded slums.
Only way to move forward is to keep trying.