this post was submitted on 21 Oct 2023
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I never knew my mom. She died before I was old enough to really form memories of her. I was raised by my dad, and dads are just, different. All my friends growing up were raised by their moms. I always envied that. I used to fantasize about what it would be like to have a mom that was actually proud of me.
Instead I was essentially raised by that “are you winning son?” Meme.
Yeah, I mean really my dad’s biggest problem as a parent was that when I got to be like 13 he kinda stopped showing up. Like, I always had food in the house, and clothes and stuff. I had all the necessities. But, it started with a couple of days a week he’d be gone. Then a week at a time. It wasn’t long before he was gone a month or 2 at at a time, and when he’d come home he’d stay a few days to a week or two and gone again.
If I really needed him. Like, if there was a crazy emergency I generally could track him down. But that involved calling his girlfriends houses, and the problem there was when I called a house if he wasn’t there they’d wonder where he was.
For everything else though. There was food in the fridge and money in the Madonna statue on the mantle.
But also my parents had me late in life. When I was 13 my dad was getting close to 60 and had been single since my mom died 8 years previous. Most women he dated had grown children. It was a tough spot for him and me. Since I was basically an only child.
So it could have been worse. I had essentially my own 3 bedroom house at the of 13. Definitely led to a lot of partying and drug use. But also it would have been nice to come home to someone everyday, and that lack of discipline definitely hurt my situation as an adult.
But my dad always made sure to tell me that he loved me when we did see each other. He never hit or spanked me. He wasn’t an alcoholic or drug addict.
I guess that what I’m saying is. My childhood wasn’t a conventional one. But, it wasn’t really a bad one. It was really just 2 people doing the best they could with the situation that had presented itself.
I see myself in what you described. My parents aren't dead, but they separated when I was 12. My mom was an alcoholic that couldn't keep a job and wasn't there most of the time and my father was absent.
So starting from 12 years old, I had to cook, clean and do the best I could with what I had. Sometimes, there wasn't much food.
It fucked me up(generalized anxiety with bouts of light depression). I realize that now. I might never feel normal and that's fine but I sometimes wish I had somewhat of a present parent in my life.
You know I can’t help but feel like more discipline would have sucked. But I think I would have appreciated it as an adult.
Yeah, a lot of things that sucks when you are a kid are helpful when you are an adult.
I am the last kid of a family of 4 kids, so already there wasn't much rules or discipline for me as the 3 other kids did a lot of things that my parents weren't really stressed about a.lot.of.things anymore.
I would have appreciated more discipline to help me in my adult life as I struggled a lot through the beginning of my adult life. And still today, some bad habits remains.
I never knew my dad. Can we switch places for a week?
I absolutely would! I’d share my dad. He wasn’t perfect, but he was a pretty good single parent.
if you had one decent parent, you're the lucky one.
Hey, I don’t want anyone to think that I fault him. He for real did the best that he could. In life we all play the hands we’re dealt. He did pretty good all things considered.