Memes

I'm sure it's different for everyone, but I was in a bad relationship at the time that lead to me having an undiagnosed binge eating disorder. I would eat giant 1kg tubs of peanut butter and stash the empty ones in my closet because I was worried my flatmates would notice if I was washing large peanut butter jars all the time.

I probably should've gotten professional help for the eating disorder, but I was ashamed as I'm sure all people with eating disorders are. What helped me was visiting my family, who lived in a different part of the country, for a long time (over the summer). I couldn't binge without it being obvious, I had distance from my partner in the relationship, and I was with loved ones. While I didn't tell them I had this problem, being with them and just hanging out and doing things was a huge help.

My relationship ended soon after I got back, though it should have ended sooner. I tried to focus on myself to avoid relapsing into binge eating.

I went on a self-help phase, as I'm sure many people do at that stage of life (late teens, early twenties). I did a fuck-ton of walking while listening to podcasts, tried to spend in-person time with friends, and tried to do something that felt like it gave me purpose (volunteering at an old-folks home, teaching them how to use their technology). I always binged in my room, so I avoided being in my room as much as possible—often walking 1½ hours into town to do stuff, or going to my local library. I didn't necessarily read, I'm not much of a reader, usually I was on my computer. But being in a different and more public and communal environment helped me avoid binging and helped me feel better.

Eventually, things gradually improved and I got a much better partner who doesn't make me question whether they love me or find me attractive!

Everyone's journey is different, which is the most frustrating thing because what I did might not help you, but I thought I'd tell my story anyway.

I hope you find this helpful, and if not, then just interesting to read :)

I wish you all the best. It won't stay dark forever (though it can take a fucking while!)