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When you've been at good terms with a person close to you and they die, the pain will be like nothing you've ever experienced before and there is absolutely nothing you can do to make it stop.
But: Those are waves. At first it's just constantly all over everything with no end in sight but then there's suddenly a first moment of calm and then it starts again. Those moments get longer with time, for now, endure.
I never liked taking pictures of friends and family when traveling, cos I could see them anytime I wanted, but the places I was visiting I didn't plan on going back to.
Comically sad when I found out it was the other way around.
Thank you for sharing this.
Real talk
My brother passed away in November - it hit me worse than many losses I've experienced. The calm and waves of sadness is so accurate, but nothing can prepare you for it; I spent years preparing for my brother's death, but it did nothing when it actually happened.
I had about a week between my dad being placed in ICU and his death. I saw it coming and I tried to get my mind into a place that would somehow hopefully cushion the impact when his final moment would be there and you know what, it didn't do shit.
A few minutes ago I fell apart when I cut a breakfast sandwich because that's what he used to to for me when I was, maybe fourteen. It was one of the things he tried to do to make things easier for me. I can't fucking cut sandwiches without crying right now. It's all just fucking shit.