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She will insist on the mixes.
As in when you cook she wants you to use the premade stuff? Why?
Nostalgia for what her mother used to make.
Yo man, that's a legit resson for her to prefer one type of cooking over another
NGL man, you're coming across as Defensive Internet Man on this. You two "argue frequently" about this, she "seems to think" mixes are the way to go when it sounds like it's really only pancake mix that's hanging you up and you know perfectly well why she likes pancake mix over scratch. She "tried to pull" nostalgia on you as if missing her deceased mother is a trick she's playing on you.
Amateur advice from someone with no special related experience: any time someone says they like a Thing because it reminds them of Close Dead Relative, maybe just take their word for it and let them be.
Edit: and apparently she's doing the grocery shopping. I'm starting to wonder who plans the menu throughout the week and how these disagreements are playing out from the spouse's perspective.
Yeah maybe she might be a little overreaching there? Forcing someone to always make (and eat) the thing you prefer is not a healthy relationship. Time to compromise.
With OPs tendency to trickle in less flattering details only after 2-3 comments in, I'm skeptical she's "forcing" him to do anything. This is a one-sided perspective from someone intentionally devaluing his spouse's perspective.
Might be. Still, recommending OP compromises with his partner.
Compromise, then?
Perhaps every other night you can cook from scratch, and cook as she likes on other days. Or, you could try to replicate the flavors she's looking for in your cooking. Involve her, have her try tasting some sauce you're making or whathaveyou and then try to see if you can nudge the flavors in a direction she likes.
Would she be open to use the pre-made mixes as a base and then you improving on them? I love to cook from scratch with nothing but fresh vegetables and base ingredients; it really makes me happy and, if I do say so myself, I do a good job at it (it is indeed a time consuming experience). My mom cooked from scratch and the taste and process of pankakes starting from scratch is familiar and comforting.
I have also learned that there is a lot that I can do by using pre-made ingredients, and that sometimes it's a huge advantage because I can then focus my cooking creativity on the parts that are less about 'turning the ladle' and more about personal time and experience. Some examples:
Pasta sauce: Buy a decent tomato basil sauce. Then add caramelized onions (40 min), mushrooms, artichokes and spices. Now I can focus on what the sauce goes on top of.
Pankakes: Some of the store bought pankake mix is pretty great, I especially love the Ube mix from Trader Joe's. If you are not making your own mix, then you can really focus on creating some excellent and amazing hme make toppings. It's a good excuse to perfect a recepie for marmalade or make a perfect mini fried chicken from scratch to go with that pankake.
Mac'n'Cheese: It's absolutely possible to make Mac'n'Cheese from scratch, but also delicious to start with a box, and then figure out how to max it Gormet in all different ways.
just some ideas.
For all these responses, it's not just pasta sauce or pancake mixes. And yes, the she does let me doctor things up sometimes. It just gets irritating when I make a sauce, it's delicious, and then she buys a jar version because "you like this kind of sauce". I found a great soup recipe I want to try, ask for specific ingredients and she just buys the canned version of the soup. I've talked with her before about it when she brought home a cookie mix. I used to make homemade cookies when I was depressed, and it would cheer me up. She suggested I make the mix, all I had to do was add some eggs and water, and we can have the cookies. I had to tell her it wasn't the cookies that made me feel better.
It sounds like you should be doing the shopping when you want to do the cooking.
Talk to each other, apologize, and compromise. Sometimes do it your way; sometimes do it her way. Understand and forgive each other, enjoy both approaches, and be happy about the situation.