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Trust me, most of us have tried and tried and tried and tried and tried and tried. Some certainly may have preemptively cut people out without discussion, but most of us have beaten our heads against a wall for almost a decade now, trying to convince them that we're human beings with dignity who deserve respect. We just withdraw from engagement, piece by piece, until there's nothing lost by just giving up. Cutting them off is usually the last and most consequential move, rather than the first.
At the end of the day (or life), your mother/father was and forever have been, your mother and father. Family is immutable, giving up is reprehensible.
I'm a US Army combat veteran, my wife was a foreign national (we left America), my son was born in his mothers home country making him a foreigner in America, my other two (son and daughter) were born and raised in America.
My parents voted against support for Veterans, they voted against immigration, they voted against gun regulation (guns are the main cause of death for children in America), they voted to take rights away from my wife and daughter, they voted against my family. Ignore all of that I kept trying to talk to them, kept trying to keep in touch.. my dad told me in a letter, that if we aren't for trump we're against him and told me to no longer try to contact him or my mom.
I'm glad they cut ties, because I was already done. I just helped them keep to their words and have ignored them since.
I'm really sorry man, first off thank you for being a veteran, and your story carries weight. Your dad making that statement is a terrible thing. Nobody should be doing that, especially when you're voting with your conscience. There's no need for "with us or against us" absolutes, and the common ground between people is there. People just tap into being told how to think, the rhetoric, and absolutes that don't need to define us. A large part of conservatives I talk to aren't actually anti immigration, they just say shit like "they need to do it legally" to which I ask them "Do you have any idea what legally means, and how long it takes?".
I think back to the mass influx of immigrants that had to come by Ellis Island in the late 19th century, and how wide open the country was back then, to which those people built a nation and powered through racism of a different nature back then. The whole history of "I don't hire Irish" and the "black Irish", or even how Potter derisively refers to "garlic eaters" in "It's a Wonderful Life" shows the long history of harshness towards immigrants in this country yet the best of times were built by immigrants themselves. When conservatives hear this stuff, they deprogram and become pro-immigration, but then realize how shitty our legal process is. I hope that some of them can hear this type of thing and start advocating for the right kind of change instead of treating humans as lesser for factors they have zero control over, like where they're born.
I don't know you or your family, but that you stood by your wife and kids after serving a country with ungrateful parts is beyond commendable and a show of your awesome character. Respect, sir, I truly hope you and your family are well, and I wish more people could demonstrate the compassion you and yours deserve.