this post was submitted on 20 Jul 2024
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Yeah I'm not saying I dont want to have sex with AMAB people, quite the contrary. And having an emotional connection is super important to me anyways. I just don't think I could figure something out I'd actually be happy with when my partner still has a penis. And I'm not sure if this is wrong, but I don't have a lot of time or energy to meet many people, so I prefer kinda pre filtering people to figure out whether its worth it to get to know them. Kinda the way most people just filter by male/female, I guess.
I don't think there's anything wrong with having preferences. As long as you don't fetishize or objectify, and you treat people with dignity and respect it's all chill.
Yeah I definitely treat everyone with respect and try to avoid fetishizing. I'd be lying if I said that I'm not trying to find someone with certain features, but I guess that's really just having a preference. I'm not opposed to the idea of dating someone who doesn't have all those features. My preferences are mostly about personality anyways though.
You seem like a good and reasonable person, and I'm glad you're aware of your feelings and not reacting super negatively towards the existence of trans people over them. I'd recommend thinking through this a bit more sometime.
Sure, most people are only into men or women, but most people don't start off getting to know someone before sex is on the table with a "by the way, what genitals do you have?" That feels reductive and is a major red flag to most trans people. It's similar to how chasers who pursue trans women with a penis as a fetish. We're so much more than our genitals.
In case you ever end up in sex talks with someone who either at that moment comes out as trans or mentions what genitals they have, handle that conversation delicately. Many of us and don't want the genitals we have but surgery is too expensive, but we also don't want to have sex with someone agonizing over our genitals or don't want that part interacted with at all if we do. This is also why many trans people date within the trans community to alleviate these kinds of issues.
Yeah that definitely makes sense to me. Thanks for your explanation. Being perfectly honest, I've never dated a trans person, I just kinda suck at dating in general. It's something I'm working on in therapy and I'll keep your advice in mind for whenever it becomes relevant.