this post was submitted on 14 Jun 2024
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I knew a guy when I served in the US military who got caught cheating in a semi-related way. He got assigned to a base in a new state and his wife refused to relocate their whole family for the few years he'd be assigned there, so he went by himself, leaving his wife and kids in his home state.
Turns out, he was sexting one of his younger subordinates at work. One of his daughters found out when she tried to use an old tablet and found out his account was still synced to it. She saw all his texts updating in real time.
He was ultra-conservative and didn't believe in divorce, so he was doing everything he could to save his marriage. His wife forced him to install security cameras in every room of his apartment and banned him from going anywhere after work. She knew his schedule and expected him home immediately after work ended. He was basically on house arrest until his job was done and he could move home.
The last I heard, he told his wife the landlord needed to paint the walls, so he removed all the cameras, dunked them in the bathtub, then played dumb when none of them would work when he set them back up again. He was seen inviting young women over to his apartment after that. So, you know... he didn't learn his lesson.
This is so toxic. Not saying cheaters get what they deserve but if you can't trust your husband, I think you have bigger problems than infidelity.
That's conservatism for ya, can't divorce and just be happier people for it because sky daddy might be mad
It's probably mostly due to not wanting to pay spousal support and control issues.
Opposite if they're military. She gets benefits for being his wife. His income drops if divorced.
There are two people using resources. Should've broadened my set, let me revise that now: greed and control issues. Thanks for the catch.
but can cheat no problemo!
i will never fully understand religious zealots.
That's religiousness, not conservatism.
Oh yea, they latch onto each other so much I forget that they're actually separate things
Except education. Conservation of knowlrdge across generations doesn't seem to like religions very much.
Divorce is sin, side chicks are fine. Got it.
You wouldn't believe how many people think like that, unless it's the woman caught out.
Well of course she can’t have side chicks. Homosexuality is a sin. Unless he does it
I chuckled. I think there is deep seated shame of being gay, or soft, in toxic masculinity (and toxic femininity), that people probably go to extremes to hide it. Like being a player, spousal "discipline," etc. and it gets passed down from generation to generation. But that's a whole other topic.
sex before marriage is a sin, but you can use the asshole loophole just fine.
*poophole loophole
I found out my ex of 12 years was cheating in a similar matter. For some reason she liked taking screenshot of conversations, I had set up Amazon pictures auto backup on her phone at her request cause she was afraid of losing 16 years of pictures. One day I was looking through the backups cause my phone was also set up and I was looking for an old picture I no longer had on my phone. I ended up finding plenty of screenshot of her texts with an old school boyfriend she had been cheating on me with for almost 2 years. Nothing physical as far as I could tell but I can't say for certain it didn't happen, emotional cheating is just as bad for me anyways.
I also saw that some screenshot were from Instagram and I knew her tablet was logged in so I checked and it was all there. Worst part was, that she would often be texting him when we were together doing things and basically telling him she wish she was there. Worst 3 months of my life while I got my ducks in a row so I could leave without issue.
I found out she met him at least twice on her yearly trips back to her home country.
I'm so sorry. I've been in a similar situation and I know how it just makes you feel gutted. I'm glad you're free of someone like that, though.
Yea it left me feeling hollow for a while but I've found a lovely new girl who respects and appreciates me who I've been with for almost 2 years now and she's also my fiancee.
I just can't understand why it's up to the husband to say no divorce while he cheats? Like what position of power does he have?
Lots of places do not allow no-fault divorce and the Republicans are planning to make it universal if they win the elections.
But wouldn't the husband be at fault here either way by conservative standards? It's infidelity.
He had military benefits to spouses that she would be walking away from. Healthcare, dental, affordable subsidized housing, or housing allowance, less expensive child care, all kinds of things. Being the spouse of a military member is hard, but there's perks, especially if you have children.
This will be buried but it’s my take on it and whatever…
So I was Army for a while - away from the wife and kid (at the time only one now I’m up to 2 I’m winning life) and it boils down to two separate issues: can the husband deal or the wife.
Men take a ton of shit going through military service so having solid ground back home is like winning the lottery. You never think it’s going to happen, you get excited it might, but it never does. I’m not dogging women in this at all but we are all just humans who want comfort in some way.
So I approach this from the woman’s side. She wants to know that’s her man. Only hers no one else’s. That’s the hero she married and cameras ain’t gonna make a shit stain difference in it. But she’s still scared so she asks for it.
Young men don’t have brains lol. We don’t think we just do. And I approach this with several years of learning from my mistakes. Which this man didn’t have. Yet. Hopefully now he does.
It’s easier to paint the woman the villain for not “supporting the ‘hero’” (yes that’s double quotes cause signing a paper is easy as hell) but to marry someone and just decided to leave… that’s not how the army works or any military branch for that matter.
Sounds to me like the man had a kid, decided that’s not the life he wanted, fucked that life up and here we are. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong but… here we are.
Sounds like some cartoon plot. My New Wife: Divorce is Magic.